I did it! I have this thing about going in public by myself well except for shopping I guess but I won't venture to the food court alone, I don't know I feel liek if there is food or drinks involved I need to be with others but tonight for the first time I went by myself. Noone wanted to go out/ their line was busy and I was sick of waiting and so I went to Coffee & and drank my tea and read a book I brought. It was actually quite relaxing and enjoyable, and I did not feel that stand outish or freakish being alone which was good. The book was Sex, Drug and Cocoa Puffs, it is really good. It just has like this guys random mumblings about everything... tre entertaining, I definetely recommend it.

The last two days have been fun. Yesterday me and maureen went out to breakfeast at Pano's and I got to see all her pictures from her semester away at London. It was good to talk to her because I don't get to talk to her that much. Then last night me , jill, jen and di and matt went to Friday's. I got a three for all. Yes i know it is like meant for three people to share or at least two but no I eat it all by myself because I am that much of a glutton. We saw the waiter who some of our friends had yell at us liek soem time last year for stealing so many Friday's mints. Well I'm sorry, there is no sign that says "take only one please" so I think it is totally acceptable for us to fill olur pockets/purses/mouths/shoes/every available space with mints. They are so good, if only they would sell them in stores. My supply has been almost nonexistenet since we hardly ever go there anymore but we were able to restock on Friday night. It is too bad that the time i went into the like waiter area and stole a bag of what I thought was mints and ran for my life screaming to my friend "RUN I GOT THE MINTS". But they just ended up being sugar packets, it was one of the biggest let downs ever.

And then today we went to Applebee's and then to Toys R Us where we got yelled at for playing on the bikes and scooters and the stupid worker was liek"Um do you plan on buying anything or just making a mess" Jill and Teres tried to play it off like they were buying a scooter for a nine year old but I don't think he was buying it. Then we went to Media Play and they had tons of cheap stuff but I didn't buy any. They really seem like they are on their way otu of business but who knows. And then we did the ultimate double coffee shop stop. Well Di and Matt left to go see a m ovie and Jesse left to go pick up his sister so me, teres, jill and mk went to spot first and then to coffee &. And at Spot we saw Liz Spaulding and she was like you guys really like going for coffee cuz she always sees us there and stuff and she didn't even know we were on our way to the second coffee shop of the night! There was a new worker at Coffee &, I"m not sure who it was. We saw MK's sister and some of her firends there. It was sad Jen was supposed to go out with us tonight b/c her school starts monday and she was leaving tomororw but she had to leave today instead because of the snow storm coming and so she didn't get to go out for one last crazy night. We missed you Jen!

Oh and also thanks Jesse and Maureen for adding greatly to my collection of Little Miss and Mr. books and accessories that are so huge in Europe and have lost popularity here in the states. I love the books in French and the pin and the advice books like Mr. Tickle's Guide to Women and Mr. Greedy's Guide to Food. I think starting wiht my next entry i will give one piece of advice from one of those books.

This is in response to what Terry wrote about Perfect Couples. I agree in many ways, its not that these "perfect couples" are necessarily perfect couples. As I said, I don't actually usually know anything about them, I just perceive them to be perfect. This is why I usually can't find a couple I know to be a perfect couple. But many people think that when I say perfect I mean they never fight and everything is always smooth between them and they never have any difficulties. That is not what I mean at all. By perfect I just mean really right for each other and you know they'll be there for each other or something like that. But I do believe that there is at least for some people, one perfect person out there for them, and that doesn't mean they won't have problems or have to work things out but that is the person they are meant to be with. I don't know, it has a lot to do with my desire or belief in fate, but I also do think that as a stripper angel once said in Can't Hardly Wait:

Fate can only take you so far and after that its up to you to make it happen

After I write journal entries, after thinking about it I always decide I want to add or remove something so I decided from now on I will add the word Revised to the title of any journal entry I change. So basically it is still the same entry you may have already read but I may delete parts I change my mind about or decide I shouldn't have put online or stuff like that.

Ahh the elusive perfect couple, Well not so elusive in my mind I guess. It's been a current topic of conversation as I have, against my better judgement told a couple that they were one of my what I call Perfect Couples. I don't know it is something I have always done like for years, I just see couples and they seem perfect. They have to be couples I don't really know and are usually a couple that I will see like once but sometimes more often and I get to know a little about them but the thing is the more I get to know generally, then the less perfect they become. They are perfect based on looks alone, well not like how good they look, but how well they seem to act and go together and how much they appear to care for each other. It usually isn't a problem about finding out more about them since they usally are complete strangers. I'm not sure why I have this strange obsession with perfect couples and I know some may think it is unhealthy and that I can't accept any relationship because I expect it to be perfect but that is not true. I don't expect it for myself, these people are just extraordinary examples of couples, it's not what I expect. It's weird, it is more like I want to be adopted by the perfect couples, not adopted in the sense that they would be my parents really , just like join them but not in liek a be a three person couple kind of way either. More in like wow they seem so perfect and fun and I want to know them better. But there lies the crux of the whole situation, if i get to know them better chances are they will lose their perfect couplenss. So is it better to try and know these people who seem great or is it better to let myself go on believing they are perfect and never find out more? Usually the issue is decided by the fact that I only see the people once in my life.

Anyway, so I told a couple they were the perfect couple, and they were basically strangers, well no not really, but we aren't like friends or anything, they are just people I know and have seen like twice. Like they seem nice and liek I would enjoy talking to them and stuff but I think I become almost overbearing because I become almost overinterested becasue they are one of the perfect couples. I mean, it is not like I would most likely ever become like good friends with them or anything but just like even to just say hello or have a like normal person conversation I always fear they are thinking , "he is crazy". I don't know. I guess in reality this is not really an issue, its just something I think about a lot lately.

I think this situation a little bit ties in with my fear that no matter how old I am, I will always play the role of the annoying little brother who wants attention when it comes to my brother's friends. Like when I was young I would want to hang out with my brother and his friends cuz they were cool and older (by 6-7 years) but it wasn't liek I was hanging out with them liek we were friends but like I was the younger brother but like then that was fine and I liked it and had fun. I was the almost uncorruptible little brother who was a little too devoted to the Dare Program and the 10 ways to say no to peer pressure.

The thing is now, like even though we are still 7 years apart, it does not seem as major a difference yet around his friends, I still feel a little like I fall back into that little brother role, it is just where I am most comfortable I guess. I don't know, may be more on this later.