I'm at work and I'm bored. There's nothing to do right now and it's hard to sit here when it's so sunny out. Maybe I can make up some little projects for myself... although that would require more motivation than I expect to have today. We'll see.

So the past couple weeks have been rough, sort of. Now, however, I'm all moved in to my new condo and I really like to people in the building. I think that the hard times are passing (knock on wood for me when you read that). Yesterday we all spent hours weeding our front yard and cleaning up the back of the house. There are exciting ideas swirling around about getting a table and chairs and some tiki lights for our back and having weekly cookouts. Since we haven't gotten the table and chairs yet, we just pulled the grill to the front and ate on our porch last night. Okay, it was little white trash (especially with about 10 cans of garbage by the curb for pick-up) but it was fun. A couple of our neighbors even came over to introduce themselves and one couple brought us champagne (much nicer than a casserole!).

My apartment is also coming along pretty well. I love the colors I painted on all the walls. I really had no confidence in any of my decorating decisions before but now I realize that even if it's not stylish I can definitely say it's me. It's nice to sit on my couch and look around and take a big happy breath. I've definitely been doing some of the "I live alone" staples, too. I walk around naked, leave the bathroom door open and have 25 pairs of only my shoes by the door. It's lovely. Still I'm only partially used to all the alone time. That will come, I hope.

Anyway, I hope everyone is well. It's a nice feeling when all the growing pains that come with big changes subside for a little while. I hope this reprieve lasts long enough for me to catch my breath... and enjoy some of the nice (rain-free) weather.

This is the most miserable week and it's only Tuesday. First with what happened this weekend and now everything else. It seems like everything bad and crazy happens at once and then for weeks there is nothing going on and that makes me crazy too. I guess I'm pretty hard to please.

Work is nuts because of the feds coming to audit us. We've known about this for over a month so all of my reports have been done for a while. Of course the other people in my office are running around all day trying to throw things together for Friday. I know I shouldn't be pissed by it makes me so mad that we have this huge grant and they're putting it at risk because they can't get their shit together. We've been doing good work but you wouldn't know it from the shoddy work they're doing now. Plus, I've been spending all my time working of their stuff. What the hell.

Also I have to move this week. I hate packing and that's probably because I suck at it. I have a million boxes filled and still half my stuff left. It's a big mess and having stuff out of place makes my anal self feel totally crazy.

And it's unbelievably hot... but my office is freezing.

Sometimes people can be so disappointing. I can't believe I let myself trust someone that I hardly knew so much that I completely ignored all the signals that they would hurt me. Now I feel unsafe and betrayed and it's really all my fault. I'm not safe because I don't protect myself and I couldn't be betrayed if I chose the right people to trust.

I am so naïve sometimes that it scares me.

The worst part is that I don't want to confront him for fear that they might feel embarrassed or ashamed. Why can't I bear it if he feels bad after what he did? And why do I still feel obligated to help him? Why do I feel like I'd let myself down if I don't stay the course? This is insane.

I can't believe how many pictures I took while I was home for just a week. I guess it makes it feel like longer when I look back and I have 100+ photos of my friends and fam from this summer. Here are just a couple of the ones I took.

First the 4th of July at Riverside...
Before the Fireworks

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Mike and Dave during the show


Our great fire


Mike and Teres at the beach


Last Saturday was the perfect summer day. Mike, Teres and I went to the Taste of BUffalo in the morning. After we came back Jill joined us at my house and we went into the hottub and then sat outside chatting. In the evening we went to Kenmore Days to see the best fireworks show ever.

Taken by Mike in my backyard


What a face


Sun-bathing beauties




If I was going to be home for only a week this summer I'm so glad I picked that week. Mike was off of work for most of the time and Teres didn't start her job yet. Being home really isn't the same if I can't spend most of my time with my friends. Thanks everyone for making my time home so great :)

Yesterday was a very enjoyable 4th of July for me. I spent the day with my mom cleaning her car. She had not be exposed to the wonders of Oxyclean before so I had a lot to teach her. Then I went to a bbq at (e:beast)'s house. There was so much freakin food! Seriously since I've been home (which has only been 4 days) I have eaten more than all of the previous days this summer combined. Ugh... it's all so good but then again I feel so gross after. After the food we went to the Riverside carnival and got... more food. (e:beast) and I shared funnel cake, (e:jill) and jim got fried dough, and (e:mike) and (e:libertad) got a pretzel and (e:diana) and matt got something that I can't remember. My point: mooooore food. The fireworks were hopefully just a warm up for Kenmore Days, which was an extravaganza last year, because they were a bit uninspired. Still it was fun to watch them with lots of people. FInally to end the evening we had a fire in (e:beast)'s back yard and made s'mores. Making the fire was much more challenging than lighting the girl (who would have thought?). We could have used (e:jessbob) to help us. All in all, it was a very fun 4th. Thanks (e:beast) for hosting! I took about a million pictures so maybe I'll post a couple choice ones later. I know I have some goodies :)