last night @ work, a consumer(those for whom i work with), not a coworker, starting choking on his dinner. the other staff froze, and his face went from red to bright red, to purple.

in the haze of the moment, i jumped up, placed my fist under his sternum and just began to push. the food was dislodged, and thank god, he is ok.

im still in awe of the fact i have actually rescued someone from certain death. all these people at work call me a hero now.

and to think that i had forgotten about that this morning.

now matter how shitty, and tired i feel, i fucking saved a life. and that makes me feel damn good.

the Heimlich does work. learn it, and use it.

i went out last night, which was good for the soul, and has some bonding time with an old friend. its wierd because we don't hang out that much, but, he is a really great person to be around when im going through a rough time, and thats just what i need right now.

i just don't understand why, when one thing goes wrong, it all goes wrong. im having major trouble focusing on school, or anything for that matter, but i must pull through, because when i get through this year, i can start to think about applying to schools, and where i wanna be, which is kinda exciting. very exciting actually. and scary too. but im proud that i feel like ihave so many choices now, compared to a couple of years ago, when i was so helpless.

my brother called me very early this morn, begging for me to take him to the hospital, and after a day of getting these calls, i sucked it up and took him. i was extremely tired, as i had a late night, and am still not feeling well.( did i mention that i puked in the pizza place this afternoon?) classy, i know, but now im paranoid about the mono thing, as i now know two people who have it. one of which is my poor sicky little brother. i feel awful for him, and want to help him, and its just so sad, and he got into a huge fight with his gf, who he lives with, and might come stay with me.

plus, i have so much fucking work this weekend...and i now feel bad about leaving for ny on thurs if josh is here with no fam. help?

i have to make a decision in the next hour of whether or not to resign statistics.

the good news is that it will not take me down to p/t status, and my financial aid will not be affected.

i will just feel like i've failed and let myself down. i've really tried, and it gets me so frustrated, because i just suck at math.

why did i think i had a future in speech? i'm taking (e:tina)'s advice and pursuing design. i think i will be much happier actually taking courses that interest me, and not trying to conform because i know speech would be a good career. some friends have told me that if im good at what i do, the money will follow, and i think they are right.

this doesn't mean i don't want to take and sort of speech classes, because i'm very interested in sign language, but all of the math and science will overwhelm me, as it already has.

lesson to all: don't try and be something your are not.

• and in fashion news, i will be recieving my new monster cutie boots in just a few days!*

i have no time for fun, or sleep. i have 60 hr work weeks coming up, in addition to so much school work, and everything else.

i kinda feel like im gonna collapse. but at least i get to see my sis soon. hopefully she isn't sick of me by now.

one of the least favoriie days of my life.

i have million things to bring home. including this wooden art easel, and a tray of muffins. (don't ask.)

i have done no school work, because i can only concetrate in my apartment, and im a lazy ass.

i have gotten used to seeing mommy and will miss her so, and well as sister, but i see her again very soon.

i just feel like this trip was a high point, and things can't continue to go so well.

shit will hit the fan. maybe literally.