herm...

I like this place. I really don't know anyone, well i can't really say that... I met (e:mike) a few times through (e:amanda) and of course i know (e:amanda) but she signed on even after i did. ahh, whatever, i really like this though. im away at school but i still kinda get to hear about what's going on back in buffalo, and all the other places people have ventured to for that matter. but what's great about the buffalo part is that when it snows, i get to play with it!!! and if i get sick of it, all i have to do is "shovel" and it's all gone!!! that is sooo cool, that's the buffalo i would love!!! ;) but this is definitly a fun thing to do. I get to tell my stupid stories, and it relieves the people here from having to hear em all, instead you guys get most of em ;) well some of em... but what i like about it is i feel like i can write about anything, even about more than i would tell most people here, embarrassing things (I know of at least one thing in particular that still to this day, i only think like 2 people here even know about, hehehehe but it's open for anyone here to read about) and that's ok with me. so i don't think anyone should have to censor themselves, especially (e:paul) if you wanna put up a picture of yourself, go for it! there's no shame in it...

ok, but now onto a totally different topic... (or 2) so i didn't go to see (e:amanda) the other night when she got in :( but i guess it's a good thing cuz she said she didn't get in till like 2:30 am, and if i would have waited up for that, that would have been BAD!!! but i have been trying to get a hold of her to see if i should drive down to where she is for like a few hours (she's only about 2 hours away... how can i not go?) but she has been telling me NO! :( she's soo close and i have sunday (Easter) totally off, and saturday, i am free after practice. but ahhh, i still don't know what's going on with the rowing thing. am i in the boat, or am i out??? i keep asking the coach but he refuses to answer me... NOT COOL!!! i know he knows... i just wanna know if I'm going to san diego or not. but if I'm not, I'm gonna be pissed that i got knocked out, cuz i know i shouldn't get knocked out... ahhhh, i hate not knowing...

ahhh, i don't have any pictures for ya this time. I had a cool (funny) picture idea, but it didn't come out well... here, try to picture it... it was of me standing in my swimsuit on the beach (probably too bright which is why it didn't come out) ok, but it looked like i was really tan, except i wasn't just wearing my swimsuit, it looks like im wearing a pair of white shorts and a white wife beater with my swimsuit on top(oh, and a pair of white socks too) ... ahhh, i prolly didn't explain it well at all... but it really is funny looking. stupid tan lines... all from 1 week... oh well... i love my tan lines :)

ah ha!!! i finally got some time in my room today which gave me a chance to set up my computer in there on my desk (not propped on my lap out in the living room, like it has been)

lets see how long this lasts...




oh, by the way, i have a moral dilemma:
(e:amanda) is arriving here in Miami tomorrow night at 11:09pm... heading to her hotel in Homestead FL, about 35 minutes south of my place, and that is where i am supposed to meet her (around midnight) and then she leaves early wed morning to go down south more...
however, i have a killer practice on wed morning (have to be up by 5:00am) and by killer, i mean killer... and by killer i mean i need sleep...

I REALLY WANNA SEE HER!!! BUT... BUT... I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!! everyone on my team has been telling me not to go, i can't let them down... but, ahhhhh, i don't know what to do...

i wish the manatees were here right now to tell me what to do...

oh, i liked that article of (e:jessbob)

kinda in relation to it... so my parents just got a new mealthcare plan or whatever, and before, with the old plan, filling my "birth control" was like $15, still a little expensive i think to have to pay each month, but now, this stupid new health insurance WILL NOT PAY FOR IT!!! so i have to pay the whole thing!!!! while my parents are getting their stuff filled for much less than before....

well i am pissed, and the reason is, (im almost positive this is the reason) is because the insurance company doesn't support birth control. and i know a lot of people who's insurance doesn't cover it either... how messed up is that???

I see how they don't want girls going around and sleeping around and using birth control to prevent getting knocked up, or even that "birth control is just wrong!" ya-di-ya-da... yeah yeah...

stupid insurance companies, a goal for them would be to realize that "birth control" is not only used by slutty girls as a preventitive way to not get knocked up... and even if it were... well let em use it... better that then having to insure the little kids they will be popping out, regardless of who they go to, (adoption or kept by the mother, or father... whatever that guy (e:ajay) knows is talking about) or they will go and have an abortion, but isn't that what we are trying to avoid in the frist place???

blah... im just annoyed i have to pay more now because people are being all "PRO-LIFE" and shit. hell I'm pro-life, and im not even sleeping with anyone... stupid stupid insurance companies

oh, and i do like the color change... don't really understand what the brown is for, but it's nice not being gloomy grey snow anymore... it's more bright and lively now!!! even if it is brown...;)

oh my god... i am a moron, our first day of spring break training, practice at 7 and 11, and everyone else knew to use sun screen (or as (e:amanda) calls it, "sun tan lotion"), but me??? NOPE, i forgot!!! how does one forget??? i don't know... but i forgot... i have the sock tan, shorts tan, tee shirt tan, ahhh, i take my clothes off and it looks like i am still wearing a tee shirt, shorts, and socks... well the body shots didn't work out too well, but the face... look at that red face



there ya go...

oh, and i did that little "dumb political test" this is me...

On Non-Fiscal Issues, you rank as a Moderate Liberal (38).
On Fiscal Issues, you rank as a Strong Liberal (12).

wow, the past few days have absolutely been HELL!!! our coach is working on boat selection for the second varsity 8, but in the process, he has been killing us, two practices each day, from Tuesday on until tomorrow... Monday is off!!!

but it has been ridiculous. just utterly tiring like no other... the other boats have consistently been having an hour and a half to 2 hour practices in the morning and then and hour to an hour and a half for the second practice... and they have been dying.

Mike, our coach, has had us out for 3 hours every morning, giving us only a half hour break before the second practice, and then another 2 hours.

and i have to admit, a lot of it hasn't been pretty rowing. mostly just frustrating painful strokes that people are trying to pass off as rowing... grrrr

I was sooo frustrated the other day, about 2 and a half hours into the morning practice, i was about to cry. it was sooo bad, there was no reason for it to be so bad, not at all!!! our 8 was split into 2 4's and although the lineups werent exactly equal lineups, they should have been relatively close... but NO, the boat i was in was soooo far behind, and it just wasn't moving. and watching the puddles of the 2 girls behind me, i could tell they weren't pulling.... OMG, that is the absolute WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD to know you are pulling your ass off to keep up while there are ass holes in your boat who aren't even pulling their own weight.

yeah, well that day i know i did have tears in my eyes at points and i even blew up at the girls in the boat, which I'm totally against doing, but it had to be done... i don't think i have ever been so upset about rowing in all 8 years i have been doing it, and i've had some moments... but that really hit me. it hit me to the point of actually thinking about jumping out of the boat and swimming back, about never talking to either of the 2 i was pissed off at EVER AGAIN, about quitting the FUCKING TEAM, and even about killing myself or someone in the boat as a way of getting out of there. don't worry, the most i did was told everyone to stop and yelled for a minute and insisted it get better... it didn't but it was over at that point so i didn't even care anymore. i chose to leave that one on the water... sometimes you really have to just leave em on the water to never be repeated again, and that was one of em...

then the next day, in our 3 hours of switching around repeatedly doing 3-5 minute pieces i got switched into a boat with one of the girls from the day before... and at this point, i guess she wanted it to look like she was trying... the first 10 fucking strokes she screams out "LEGS" (what the hell, if you are rowing, i think you know to use your fucking legs!!! its not like you are gonna think to yourself at the beginning of the piece, "no, i think I'm just gonna use my arms and body this piece") and throughout the rest of this 3min45sec piece she was screaming shit, even though i kept turning ever so slightly getting some breath to scream and telling her to shut up... she did this for 3 pieces, then finally i turned around and as nicely as i could muster, "if you don't mind, could you please not talk during the pieces? i mean if you want to tall a power 10 or something ok, but anything else, please don't" and she responded with an "ok" i was shocked... but what shocked me ever more was what followed that. anna, my co-captain, the girl who always keeps her cool and is always "positive attitude anna" turned around to them and said (kinda under her breath) "yeah, cuz if you are able to talk that much it's because you must not be pulling" WOW!!! she made my day right there... GO anna, i would never be able to actually say that, i have thought it soooo many times, but to actually say it... god no!!!

but it has just been hell, but today it all turned around for me!!! not that l rowed in a magical boat where everything went well, but i actually got stuck on shore this morning to erg because people are out and there were 2 extra people (me being one of them, grrr) well grr was what i thought when i first found out i was stuck on land, but then....

so mack and I did the little erg workout we had to do, we were pissed but we did it... finished in like 45 minutes and "now what?" we already had our sneakers on, so we decided to go for a run... we are down in miami beach, why not go for a run, its a beautiful day out. so we go running... nice slow pace, ran about 2 miles down the creek when this little old man stops us and asks if we have ever see a manatee... I of course say "yeah, they are soo cool" (referring to my swim with the manatee's this summer with (e:amanda)) but he was referring to the manatee what was not even 4 feet below us, OMG, I dropped down to the ground reaching out at it!!! he was too far to reach, but he was the most precious thing i have seen in forever. he was a young guy, but his tail was sooo chopped up, soo sad.

but we looked at him for a few minutes then continued on our run. i just wished i had my camera with me, but who would think to bring their camera on a run??? well i will now ;) so we ran about another mile down the creek, i yelled out to some of our boats to be stupid and try to annoy them ;) (don't think it really worked though) then we turned around to head back...

but of course on the way back i couldn't really run, i had to look out for more little manatees!!! and what do you know, we spotted 2 more!!! it was a mommy and her baby... damn, that baby was as long as me, but much bigger, but sooo cute!!! mack jumped out onto this old broken dock, reached down and touched the snout of the momma, they were too low by the time i got down there, but we watched em for like 20 minutes... who would think the "sea cows" would be sooo exciting to see??? (well i know (e:amanda) would, but... ;) ) i mean i had my shoes and socks off at one point to go swim with them, and i really would have if it wasn't for the fact that that water is sooo nasty and our boats were going by, i would have really felt stupid if i was swimming in there as the boats went by....

yeah so after a while they swam away from us, we waited a bit for their return.... but no such luck. (our other friend from earlier with the chopped up tail resurfaced for a bit, but not that long) so we headed back to the boathouse. we ended getting back right around the time when the boats did so it was perfect...

now through all of today's events... and more went on, i rowed a bit, went to the beach, did some stuff... i realized how even though i may be sooo frustrated and angry and annoyed and want everyone to just DIE, there really is so much to look for and to just be HAPPY about!!! i can't even express in words how good i feel right now. like i can hardly think of anything that could upset me right now! do you have any idea how that feels??

and although i wasn't able to get any pictures of my little (big) new friends from today, here is another picture that still makes me happy every time i see it ;)






and i know anna had another rough day today, sounds like worse than my day the other day :( she screamed out at 3 boats of girls that she hates them all, poor anna, but hopefully soon, very soon, she will experience some of the "happy little things" that i got a glimpse of today ;)

HAVE A GOOD DAY EVERYBODY!!!!