Where was the elusive (e:Jason) Saturday night? You're not saying it, but I know you're thinking it - Jason was missed on Saturday. For what it's worth I missed you all as well. I saw the pictures and it looked like one hell of a party. There was much kissing going around, and you guys can thank my absence for the kisses you received. Without a doubt I am adorable and that would have been me instead of you, so you're welcome. Another effect of my being so adorable is you can't stay mad at me for long. I know you're upset I didn't go to the party, but over time you'll get over it.

Ahem.

Seriously though - there are some days when my body shuts down and I am barely capable of getting out of bed. Saturday was one of those days. I wasn't even able to get on the phone and harrass my friend in Florida (He is a Notre Dame fan, I'm a Michigan fan). I spent most of the day unconscious, except for the Liverpool match. (e:Joshua) told me that (e:Theecarey) came upstairs to say hello, but I was face-down on the couch. (e:Joshua) wasn't feeling up to it either. Of course I would have liked to chill with all of the (e:peeps) but there are a few I want to single out.

(e:Ladycroft) - I know I said I was coming but I felt like garbage. I'm sorry.

(e:Alison) - I said we would chill. Sorry! I also had some A Grade nug.

(e:Terry) - He is one cool motherfucker. One of the funniest guys I've met.

(e:Paul) - It is always a pleasure. Yeah, I do suck.

(e:Matthew) - I still have that Jazz DVD! I'll stop over this week to drop it off.

(e:Jill) - Someday maybe we will meet. I have a lot of questions about the UK.

(e:Mike) - This one isn't afraid to strut his stuff. He parties HARD from where I sit.

(e:Leetee) and (e:Uncutsaniflush) - Man I really wish we could have chatted.

(e:DrChlorine) - The man's man of (e:strip)! I like chatting with you.

So there you have it, I've made my shout outs. One thing I don't regret is going and getting sloshed. I'm glad that didn't happen on Saturday. Other than that I regret not being there to enjoy the festivities with you all. It looks like everyone had an awesome time! Please keep on posting the pictures!

Jason

It's that time again. My friends and family want me to clean up. I've got a helmet of hair right now - my hair doesn't grow long, it grows OUT. I look like Eric from That 70's Show, except much more handsome.

Here are my choices for a haircut:
A) Cut it into a Mullet
B) Cut it into a Euro Mohawk
C) Fade it up like usual
D) Let (e:Lilho) decide

Hmmm

Jason

I was thinking.....

Maybe I can turn my suburbanite rant into a funny "commercial" to be used during Larson vs. Larson breaks.

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Suburban Guy - "OMG! Fags! Time to duct tape my ass like in the frat days!"
Suburban Girl - "OMG! Black ppl! I'm attracted though...better not tell dad!"
Suburban Guy - "Quick baby let's just hurry into Cozumel....."

Announcer - "Do you want to hang out in the city and be trendy without having to deal with blacks, gays and anyone who doesn't look or act like you? Are you bored with Brennan's and Caputi's? Are you looking for that lovely blonde with Fake Louie? Do what I do and hurry that booty over to Cozumel!"

Suburban Girl - "Thank God, there are actually normal people here. Hold my bag?"
Suburban Guy - "Hold on, I gotta pop my collar real quick like."
Suburban Girl - "OMG look at that girl's hair! Someone got a Flow-Bee! LOL"
Suburban Guy - "Jesus, shut up! I just took a bump and you're killing my buzz!"

"Cozumel. Why bring the city home when we bring home to the city?"

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I know, it needs work. It's a start though.

Jason

And that's all you guys need to know about the car fiasco. I do indeed have my ride back. I had to talk on the phone a hell of a lot more than I ever like to. I am probably one of the most open people on (e:strip) in terms of revealing bits of my personal life and my issues. This one is far too embarrassing for me to reveal. Really this all has to do with one of my issues, but it's resolved and now I just want to relax.

Jason

It's been a while since I've let off a good ol' rant.

I thought about this when reading (e:Paul) discuss the yuppie-isation of Elmwood. The more I think about this the more pissed off I get. When I moved here almost 5 years ago Elmwood was a very different place. I came here and the local business owners on the block made a point to say hello and welcome to the 700 block. For the first time I felt a sense of community and I loved it. Looking at Elmwood now I see it as a playground for suburbanites when they get bored of the ho-hum of suburban existence. I see greedy assholes who want to take advantage of the neighborhood in order to fill their pockets. I'm surrounded by suburbanites now and my neighborhood feels about a million times less cool.

First of all, I have new neighbors next door to me who love to get drunk and start shouting vulgar insults and whatnot to random people on the street from the safety of their third floor balcony. Only an A Grade suburbanite pussy starts doing ridiculous shit like this. Ask (e:Ladycroft), she can testify, I'm beyond sick and tired of these sackless, pussified morons and their trashy girlfriends. I can't wait until the day they try to fuck with me and I make them put up or shut up. In fact I'm looking forward to it eagerly. It would be such a joy for me to bludgeon their faces with brass knucks. Someone needs to teach them a lesson their lazy fucked up parents couldn't be bothered to teach. It reminds me of the day I was walking down the street when two suburbanite cockless bastards drove by and said "You suck, Moulds!" (I was wearing my Moulds jersey, it was game day). I started hurrying my pace and sure enough these pansified pencildicks scooted off down the street.

Secondly, I used to look out over my porch and see such a varied mix of people. The diversity of the neighborhood is what made Elmwood so great. Lately I look over my porch and I see suburbanites infesting my neighborhood as far as the eye can see like cockroaches. Instead of punks, white and blue collar types, grad students, etc...I see bottled blondes and their juiced-up guido boyfriends strolling the hood. Everybody is the same. Jesus Christ, you are making my neighborhood so much less interesting and fun. You are draining the soul and the buzz out of Elmwood. You are turning it into Amherst South which is the most stomach-churning outcome possible. Aren't there people in the 'burbs who sell cocaine as well? I've always said it is the people in the neighborhood who make it great and you are ruining it for everyone else.

Thirdly, I want to re-hash my beef with Brodo. When they came into the neighborhood I thought "Hey, it's nice that there isn't an ugly empty area there now" - little did I know what was to come next. We had the debacle on my birthday where they blatantly disrespected and embarrassed (e:Joshua) and I. We felt like we weren't welcome at a restaurant across the street! I've spoken with other neighborhood residents who feel the same way about that particular establishment. Then came the parking scandal where I went totally apeshit. Now as you may know because of Brodo's incessant bitching and whining about "not being able to give all of their customers a parking space" the lot next to Globe Market is totally off limits to anyone but customers of a few shops, even during the overnight hours when the stores aren't open. I parked there for 4 years, then Brodo came and all of a sudden I can't park there overnight, even during the winter when you can't park on the street at all? Hello you greedy penny-pinching cocksuckers, your customers take up nearly every spot in the lots, on Elmwood and far up Cleveland. You don't even realize it is a neighborhood and a community, do you? You think of it only as a vehicle to exploit our neighborhood's uniqueness for your profit. I noticed there is a Brodo in Williamsville now - THAT is where it belongs, not Elmwood! Keep your fucking pretentious "stomp on your neighbors" attitude in the suburbs where it belongs!!

Lastly, has anyone been to Faherty's lately? That used to be my #1 favorite bar until some idiot decided to turn it into an establishment that is no more than Chippewa-worthy. Now it looks like Brink's. Yippie-kai-yai-fucking-yay. What was wrong with Faherty's pre-bastardization? Absolutely nothing! It was a great neighborhood bar with cool people, good music and good drink! Somewhere along the timeline someone thought it would be brilliant to put up some plasmas and re-do the interior so the suburbanites don't feel like they are dirty by sitting down. Fuck those assholes! Nice job contributing to the yuppie-isation of Elmwood. I'll bet a dollar Baha Men are in the fucking jukebox now.

So thank you everyone involved for turning Elmwood into a suburban miasma of filth and pretentiousness. I hope those dollars are worth it! #@^#@#$%$#

Jason