I was thinking.....

Maybe I can turn my suburbanite rant into a funny "commercial" to be used during Larson vs. Larson breaks.

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Suburban Guy - "OMG! Fags! Time to duct tape my ass like in the frat days!"
Suburban Girl - "OMG! Black ppl! I'm attracted though...better not tell dad!"
Suburban Guy - "Quick baby let's just hurry into Cozumel....."

Announcer - "Do you want to hang out in the city and be trendy without having to deal with blacks, gays and anyone who doesn't look or act like you? Are you bored with Brennan's and Caputi's? Are you looking for that lovely blonde with Fake Louie? Do what I do and hurry that booty over to Cozumel!"

Suburban Girl - "Thank God, there are actually normal people here. Hold my bag?"
Suburban Guy - "Hold on, I gotta pop my collar real quick like."
Suburban Girl - "OMG look at that girl's hair! Someone got a Flow-Bee! LOL"
Suburban Guy - "Jesus, shut up! I just took a bump and you're killing my buzz!"

"Cozumel. Why bring the city home when we bring home to the city?"

---

I know, it needs work. It's a start though.

Jason

And that's all you guys need to know about the car fiasco. I do indeed have my ride back. I had to talk on the phone a hell of a lot more than I ever like to. I am probably one of the most open people on (e:strip) in terms of revealing bits of my personal life and my issues. This one is far too embarrassing for me to reveal. Really this all has to do with one of my issues, but it's resolved and now I just want to relax.

Jason

It's been a while since I've let off a good ol' rant.

I thought about this when reading (e:Paul) discuss the yuppie-isation of Elmwood. The more I think about this the more pissed off I get. When I moved here almost 5 years ago Elmwood was a very different place. I came here and the local business owners on the block made a point to say hello and welcome to the 700 block. For the first time I felt a sense of community and I loved it. Looking at Elmwood now I see it as a playground for suburbanites when they get bored of the ho-hum of suburban existence. I see greedy assholes who want to take advantage of the neighborhood in order to fill their pockets. I'm surrounded by suburbanites now and my neighborhood feels about a million times less cool.

First of all, I have new neighbors next door to me who love to get drunk and start shouting vulgar insults and whatnot to random people on the street from the safety of their third floor balcony. Only an A Grade suburbanite pussy starts doing ridiculous shit like this. Ask (e:Ladycroft), she can testify, I'm beyond sick and tired of these sackless, pussified morons and their trashy girlfriends. I can't wait until the day they try to fuck with me and I make them put up or shut up. In fact I'm looking forward to it eagerly. It would be such a joy for me to bludgeon their faces with brass knucks. Someone needs to teach them a lesson their lazy fucked up parents couldn't be bothered to teach. It reminds me of the day I was walking down the street when two suburbanite cockless bastards drove by and said "You suck, Moulds!" (I was wearing my Moulds jersey, it was game day). I started hurrying my pace and sure enough these pansified pencildicks scooted off down the street.

Secondly, I used to look out over my porch and see such a varied mix of people. The diversity of the neighborhood is what made Elmwood so great. Lately I look over my porch and I see suburbanites infesting my neighborhood as far as the eye can see like cockroaches. Instead of punks, white and blue collar types, grad students, etc...I see bottled blondes and their juiced-up guido boyfriends strolling the hood. Everybody is the same. Jesus Christ, you are making my neighborhood so much less interesting and fun. You are draining the soul and the buzz out of Elmwood. You are turning it into Amherst South which is the most stomach-churning outcome possible. Aren't there people in the 'burbs who sell cocaine as well? I've always said it is the people in the neighborhood who make it great and you are ruining it for everyone else.

Thirdly, I want to re-hash my beef with Brodo. When they came into the neighborhood I thought "Hey, it's nice that there isn't an ugly empty area there now" - little did I know what was to come next. We had the debacle on my birthday where they blatantly disrespected and embarrassed (e:Joshua) and I. We felt like we weren't welcome at a restaurant across the street! I've spoken with other neighborhood residents who feel the same way about that particular establishment. Then came the parking scandal where I went totally apeshit. Now as you may know because of Brodo's incessant bitching and whining about "not being able to give all of their customers a parking space" the lot next to Globe Market is totally off limits to anyone but customers of a few shops, even during the overnight hours when the stores aren't open. I parked there for 4 years, then Brodo came and all of a sudden I can't park there overnight, even during the winter when you can't park on the street at all? Hello you greedy penny-pinching cocksuckers, your customers take up nearly every spot in the lots, on Elmwood and far up Cleveland. You don't even realize it is a neighborhood and a community, do you? You think of it only as a vehicle to exploit our neighborhood's uniqueness for your profit. I noticed there is a Brodo in Williamsville now - THAT is where it belongs, not Elmwood! Keep your fucking pretentious "stomp on your neighbors" attitude in the suburbs where it belongs!!

Lastly, has anyone been to Faherty's lately? That used to be my #1 favorite bar until some idiot decided to turn it into an establishment that is no more than Chippewa-worthy. Now it looks like Brink's. Yippie-kai-yai-fucking-yay. What was wrong with Faherty's pre-bastardization? Absolutely nothing! It was a great neighborhood bar with cool people, good music and good drink! Somewhere along the timeline someone thought it would be brilliant to put up some plasmas and re-do the interior so the suburbanites don't feel like they are dirty by sitting down. Fuck those assholes! Nice job contributing to the yuppie-isation of Elmwood. I'll bet a dollar Baha Men are in the fucking jukebox now.

So thank you everyone involved for turning Elmwood into a suburban miasma of filth and pretentiousness. I hope those dollars are worth it! #@^#@#$%$#

Jason

I'm going to try a new writing style since I have a few things I want to touch on. Last time I ended up writing long paragraphs, and nobody likes to read long paragraphs (including myself). Here it goes:

Left Bank has really good food. I had a great time there. Highly recommended!

The Bills cut Drew Haddad. That sucks, I thought he did a great job during the preseason. I hope another team saw him and signs him soon.

I saw a construction guy with a Bills hardhat on today. I could be wrong about this, but I don't think they are made to wear on the job.

Today I spilled hot coffee all over my genitals while driving to work. Ouch!

Yes, there are people who have the flawed perception that Gov't can answer all of our problems. We don't need huge Gov't, we need SMART Gov't.

Peep Delta! I read that they're selling planes off and cutting flights. They'll go bankrupt anyway because fuel is fucking expensive (not to mention pension costs).

It's become clear to me that the USA has to take a hard look at the role of corporations in our society. More on this one later when I have time.

I've been introduced to the world of Port wine. You only drink a little of it, so I think it would make a good nightcap every now and then.

My spirits are lifting slowly. It is a real struggle for me. I have to find something which gives me a sense of purpose and meaning, so I'm not so bored or unhappy.

Jason

I know that there has been some talk about political and other kinds of "radio" shows that could be a part of our little online community. The other day while smoking a joint a light bulb went off - (e:Joshua) and I can have our own debate program! You all must admit pitting brother versus brother in a political debate could turn out to be a very entertaining adventure. Joshy can be the right winger, and I can play the devil's advocate moderate when it comes to most issues.

I was thinking it could be a weekly program that we record from our apartment, where we address global, national and local issues that we deem important enough to talk about. We could invite guests from any and all parts of the political spectrum to come over and join the debate. We could also have an e-mail address and IM name for the show so anyone can chime in with their comments and questions. We would read some of the e-mails and answer them as a segment of the show. I was also thinking we could make use of some of (e:DrChlorine)'s "commercials" and play them during breaks as well. Maybe we could have some call-ins, depending on the timing, using Skype or something similar.

Obviously nobody here is a professional pundit or politico. Nobody is going to know everything about everything. I think that we could put together a very fun and informative show nevertheless. Josh's abrasiveness, combined with my unique and hilarious sense of humor injected into politics - and with the help of in-house guests and e-mail reaction could turn out to be something that people can enjoy, especially if they are sick of the same old same old.

So who wants to be a guest on Larson vs. Larson? If I could put up audio in various formats would anybody want to check it out?

Jason