Once again I had a messed up dream. Rhonda (some of you may remember her as the ex-friend I told to piss off) was trapped in a dangerous complex, and it was up to me to save her and get her out. It was different though, because whenever I saved her she was in another predicament, or she would run away. Eventually I got tired of running/flying after her and said "Why are you doing this?" So we got into an argument about how she doesn't want to be with me, and oh yeah she cheated when we were together. She used to always be proud of the fact that she never cheated on me. She used to always reinforce that. So in the dream I was like WTF? In the dream I wanted to be with her really bad. That does not reflect how I feel normally. I determined that wouldn't work out long ago. Shit, she couldn't even bother to give me the time of day when we were friends. That's why I told her to buzz off in the first place. Weird...

I've also been falling into a rut again - I really don't care about much. This includes many facets of my life including work, food, and health. I keep on forgetting stuff and messing up. I have no energy and no desire to do anything. I just don't care what happens to me. I do not worry. Nothing excites me. Maybe I just need to get laid. Maybe I need to be doing something that excites me. Maybe I need love in my life. I don't know. All of this shit seems out of my reach. One thing that gives me joy is to bring other people up, compliment them and make them feel good about themselves. I've enjoyed that lately. Imagine that, someone who feels so down but gets off on seeing others happier. I'll have to keep on doing that...

One thing I'm doing is trying new things. Today I am going to Shakespeare in the Park with the inimitable (e:Ladycroft). Remind me to get in a better mood over the next few hours. I've never checked it out so I'm intrigued to see what it's all about. Plus my neighbor is playing the part of Hamlet. I think it should be pretty cool!

Jason

I am in a Fantasy Football League via Yahoo with some friends of mine. We have some spots left, so if anyone is interested in playing FREE Fantasy Football and has a yahoo account send me an e-mail or a sticky.

Jason

PS - We are prone to talk junk to each other and use lots of foul language. If you are offended by that sort of thing then keep that in mind.

"I think deep down the boys really do want the nice girls, but they convince themselves that they want a viper. When will they ever learn? Don't let it eat you up inside."

Good guys really do want good girls. The major problem is that real good girls are hard to find, and the good guys are often fooled by the fronters and fakers. Another problem is that the good girls sometimes also are horrible at letting the guys know they are up for some conversation and such. I'll bless (e:strip) with some knowledge about different types of nice girls and how they are perceived:

1) "Reformed" Nice Girl - This type is the 30 to 50 donger who is "sick of the bar scene" and the brutal (although hot) men she has had in her life. She wants to finally settle down and find a dude to be with, someone reliable and good, who isn't bothered by her dong count. For her being a good girl is a phase of time rather than a state of being. Good guys can be fooled easily by this type, but usually a little conversation outs them. I guess being reformed is better than not being a nice girl at all.

2) Shy Girl - She seems a little uncomfortable in her own skin, and rarely (if ever) gives guys buying signs to let them know she is interested. She gets very frustrated by all of the slutty women out there getting all of the attention. Even if she was interested in a guy, the guy would never know about it because she wouldn't give him the time of day. Guys miss these ones because the shy girl either seems unapproachable, bitchy, or not interested in meeting someone. One thing the "vipers" have over the shy ones is that the vipers always give the guy some kind of affection or attention, a touch or a flirtly look or something like that. If the shy girl could do this she would have many options to choose from in terms of men she wants to date.

3) The Prude - She completely refuses to acknowledge her sexuality. Good guys don't want a 50 donger but they don't want an asexual woman either. A guy usually has to spend lots of time and mucho bankola on her before he can even scam a kiss, let alone feel all up on her booty or grind his bone on her. Guys like good girls who can hold conversation and who will treat them well, but guys also like sexual activity. The prude is wise in carefully choosing who gets their hands in the cookie jar, but almost hurts herself in the process by making her guy think she's not sexually attracted to him. The prude is a good girl but needs to be a little more flirty and sexual to rope in the guys worth keeping.

I hope my short, yet insightful post brings much joy and satisfaction to your hearts!

Jason

I'm losing at life. I'll be back to talk about more important subjects later.

Jason

I had a great time at my friend's wedding this past weekend. I'll detail that in a moment but (e:Maureen) wrote some things that hit home and I want to talk about that stuff first.

I know so many women who say that their man has to be x, y, and z - and no less or else they are off the radar completely. It's astonishing to hear them read off their long list of requirements, especially the superficial things that automatically rule a guy out. I've heard some crazy stuff, like he can't have a computer in his bedroom or his nose has to have a certain shape. They look for the "A" candidate, the ones who have it all, who compose about 5% of the male population. When they don't find the ultimate man they sit at the coffee shop with their friends and ask "Where are all the good guys?" They don't even as much as recognize the existence of the "lesser" men and go through life being single and miserable about it. Some women prefer to live single and without a man, and I respect that. The ones who I've been describing are hard to listen to because they are so strict about what makes a man acceptable to them. Of course you can't say "lower your standards" to them because it will result in a major shitstorm - trust me on that one, ahem. Nobody deserves to be miserable but some people have to recognize that it is largely an effect of their own stubborn nature.

Anyhow (e:Maureen) based on reading your journal you seem to be a mature, loyal, calm, thoughtful young woman. You are driven and a hard worker. Oh, yes, you are also quite lovely. You have to recognize the good traits you have and know how important they are to the good men out there, the ones you really want. I'm not saying you have to lower your standards, but instead I want to emphasize that as long as you are reasonable and forgiving you will not be alone, I guarantee it. You have nothing to worry about, and actually I kind of laugh at how silly it is for you to worry about it. Out of my league for sure. You seem to be an A+ young lady, and I see an ivy league educated, handsome, great man in your future. Don't worry, and keep the focus on your school!

Along the same vein (relationships) I went to a wedding this weekend. It was probably the last one I'll have to attend for a while, and I'm really happy about that. Jerry, Josh and I are the only single ones left. Jerry is quite the ladies man so I'm sure he'll be next. Don't expect me to be married anytime soon - I don't think I'm meant to be in a relationship. I'm comfortable this way. Anyhow the wedding was really fun. We had a great time and got to catch up with some old friends from Jamestown.

Josh and I were about half way to Jamestown when I realized I had forgotten my dress shoes. Oh no! I was positive that Gramma had thrown away all of Grampa's old stuff, and I knew we would have ZERO time to go to a store and get some cheap replacements. I decided not to worry about it anymore until we got to Jamestown. When we got there, I had concocted a story about how I tripped and fell, dropping a glass, with my momentum bringing my foot on top of the glass and shattering it, cutting up my foot. Sneakers were just more comfy than dress shoes! This way I could not feel so responsible for looking dorky, with a nice pinstripe suit and Nike shoes. I also walked around the entire time with a fake limp, so everyone would "understand" my dilemma. Haha. I'm such a jerk.

Jason