thats right folks, for some reason tk seems to be running a friggin daycare here. I now have a three year old three times a week in additon to the 4 year old and baby. Oh boy has his hands full here. Next week I start training for dave and busters; Whoo Hoo! I will be running 70 through 80 hour work weeks. Busy Busy. I had a touching phone call 3 in the morning from friends of mine from buffalo; wasn't excatly the phone call I was expecting, but I understand how some people are just bad at returning phone calls. My "best friend" (note the qoutes) has not called me since i moved here. I am not talking about (e:terry), but this other hussie who a select few know. Their are some people I am glad to leave behind in buffalo, and probably don't want to talk to again ever. You grow up with someone and you think you know them, but still they surprise you in being shallow and an out right douche. Cunt. You go out of your way to make sure someone else is happy and you wind up the one fucked. I hope she and her boyfriend are happy together; and it is reall hard for me to say that because I really don't mean it. But it's the right thing to say, and after all she is family. Funny thing about family, they let you down, they fuck you over, and hurt your feelings. But you are still supposed to love them because these are the people you are born with. Why? If I had a choice I wouldn't be involved with these people for the rest of my life, but since they are "family" you are supposed to forgive them. why? Family sucks. they say friends are the family you choose, which I think is a better deal. My friends have always been my family and are the only people I could rely on for anything. So to my Family I say this: Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobodys watching. Sing like nobody's listening, and live like it's heaven on earth.

about everything; about what I'm doing, where I'm going, what I've done. The same feelings of loneliness, hovers yet i am happier with myself. How come my dreams a night send me into these worlds where I'm in love. More than a few occasions in my dreams I am kissing or touching someone and sublimely happy. And then I wake up alone again. Nothing like a good dream to ruin the rest of your day. My new life is still starting and i am more excited about it as the moments pass, but right now it's one of those feelings of truths, where you know that you are all alone in this world and no one is going to love you, like you do.*Le sigh* But all we want is somebody to love, and them to love us back. I hope I'm not too pathetic.

Something you can count on in New York: Never a dull weekend. Two bottles of wine and a halfof joint then it's off to the Brass Monkey in the meat packing district. i have never been in that area, and I don't know if it was the joint or the wine (maybe a combination of the two) but the meat packing district is the coolest spot in the city. The grunge that looms over the streets and buildings was intriguing. I wanted to run around and find out all the dirty happenings that that hood has seen and been through, it would have been practically orgasmic. i wih I oculd have remebered more but I was too stoned and drunk to recall. Did I mention I haven't smoked in over a month? The Brass monkey was equally as fun, a girlfriend of mine from buffalo works there and she makes a mean cosmo. That night surprisingly I was sleep by mid-night. All day saturday with a dead cell phone and no energy to go back to mu house and charge the bitch, all I did was watch the entire first season of greys anatomy. Damn thats a good show. Saturday night, which is usually more fun than fridays, it was off to the lower west side for some dancng at a place called Ms. shapes or Don hills. Good place anyway lots of homos and drunk chicks, people having sex behind this curtain where other people were dancing. Madonna's song "Hung Up" sounds a lot better in a night club, and leave it to me to pick up the english straight guy. We hang out togther all night, he's buying me drinks and shots. Constantly making jokes about exposing himself, and making out because people around us were. Dancing, grinding, hand holding as we surf through the crowd. I stop him and ask the magic question "Do you have a girlfriend?" assuming I knew the answer, and I did "Yes I do". And where is this girlfriend? Oh back home in London. Whoa Nelly. More dancing and drinking, we close out the mutha fucka and we take the subway to our seperat homes after a picture of each other,a hug and a kiss but not that kind of kiss. Nice boy, size 14 shoes. Sunday big sleepy time. So as Black history month comes to a close, The shortest and coldest month, which I am sure all of mt Afro brotha's appreciate. I realized something none of my friends called me to say "Hey T.K. thanks for being black." Just a thought. Muah!

"You can stay, but you can't stay my lover."

Friday night trying to find someone to have a drink with. The first two people I call are not available (including (e:hodown)). I go with my third choice. BIG MISTAKE! First of all she's napping at 8:30 p.m. So I wait for her to wake up at the bar around the corner. Cute bartender who infact talks to me the whole time I am waiting for my friend to wake up (about two hours). He buys my third jack and coke and asks me to stay and sing karaoke which he loves to do so much. NO thank you I found a baby roach in my guinness. But I told him I will come again. Girlfriend FINALLY wakes up, she, her roomate, two homos and myself have cosmo's before we go out. Her roomate is notorious for shit talk about people behind their backs and I catch her giving me a dirty look as I walk by. We go to the bar and theres a guy at the end of the bar giving the *wink*, lick of the lips, a little pucker of the lips. After many efforts that i ignore he begins to leave and I realize not only was he about 66 but he had a walker no joke! I am on fire tonight. The crew I'm went want to do drugs, I say no thank you I have shit to do in the morning but I didn't want to go home I still wanted to hang out. Thats not good enough apparently so they take off and now I'm somewhere in queens. Where? I don't know. SO now I have to find a subway station, takes forever and then I get on three wrong subways. I try to call the girl so she could help this heavily intoxicted boy, no answer no call back. NOw I am in east butt fuck somwhere (queens) it was awful I finally get home, upset because dunkin dounuts were not serving bagels. I go to sleep and do so for about 3 hours and then I had to go fill out paper work in the city for my new job, go home try to nap don't do it instead I do laundry and then It's back to manhattan to go to whatever those palces were called.All I know I didn't really have to pay for much because I was out with all girls and they love to treat the homo, and then there was this guy who pays my cover for the second club, so I had to ask his name and then say thank you. I wake up the nest afternoon go home and stay in for the next two days. Friday night sucked saturday night was a lot better. It's good to know who your friends are. Something else that aint pretty, I haven't had a satisfiying sexual episode in about 8 months. Thats sick. I'm trying to talk my brother out of getting a car. Especially if he wants to move to the city once he gets off probation. Yeah I have a brother on probation and a mother on parole. Fathers a born-again pastor. W.T.F. mate?