So they say breaking up with someone is hard, but I never thought it would really be this difficult. It's not like I've never had anyone let me down before, but this time its so different. I know it hasn't even been a week yet and these things take time, but it just seems like I can't stop thinking about this. And i'm sure its terrible... but I can't even concentrate on doing my school work without drinking first (not getting wasted, just a few shots ha ha) to try and take my mind off it for a little bit. The only times I've even been happy this week is when i was drunk...thanks to my great friends!

Anyways, I almost wish I was angry at him. I know I should be, but I'm not. I usually don't get angry. And, I know I really didn't deserve it this way and this was not my fault. But the truth is, I just miss him....

Oh well. Have a great weekend everyone!

So after months of procrastination of taking the GRE's and applying to grad school, I finally got accepted today. I guess the applications and stuff wasn't that bad - I think it was just the hassle of getting all the recommendations and everything sent together. Anyways, I only applied to one grad program- the masters in natural science at Roswell/UB. It allows you to rotate between different labs and the different specific types of specializations in order to determine if you want to concentrate in a specific field and what lab you want to do your research in. I think ever since I was in middle school I always wanted to do research and help people at Roswell, so it does feel good knowing that I will get the opportunity...even if it is a little scary to think about.

However, motivating myself has been really hard this semester and I'm worried that I'm not completely ready to jump into a grad school program. But I guess it could just be because I don't like any of the classes I am in- they are all for my other major in Bioinformatics and are all programming and database classes, and I'm much more interested in biology stuff. Oh well, I'm sure the new surrounding and stuff will be enough to keep me on my toes. It's just going to be strange though because most of my friends are going to be done with school. I know this will be a good opportunity for me, and besides, what else was I going to do with myself after graduation? haha. i guess working at Old Navy still would look kind of silly with a biology and bioinformatics degree.

So I guess this news did help my terrible terrible week go a little better. I am feeling better about things today....not all better but a little. Plus, I got accepted into the biology honor society at canisius (Tri-beta)! So, maybe this week still is salvageable....but I still miss him :-

Oh yeah, and (e:paul) i know already told (e:mike) this but in case he forgets to tell you... I just wanted to let you know that you must be doing an amazing job teaching because I'm in the computer science lab all the time working on my programs and today I overheard a former student of yours that is in my class telling other people to "take anything taught by paul visco. all his classes are amazing and he is a genius" and the kid was talking about this website and how it was really cool how you did all this stuff. so good job paul, i heard it firsthand and.... they love ya!

I never understood why not. I never even could grasp why some people would be angry over a girl hanging out with other guys. It just seems childish to me to think that girls and guys cannot simply be friends. Good friends and nothing more. where is the trust? Maybe I am missing something here that everyone can enlighten me on. Is it that the guy doesn't trust the other guy you are hanging out with? that doesn't make sense because if he trusts you why should it matter. hmmm...

Thanks for the advice (e:julie) and (e:mike). i couldn't make it through this one without ya! :-)

uh oh. i think i officially have it. while walaboo ((e:mike)) claims to of had it since freshmen year, I think I have finally caught it...and possibly the worst case ever. I'm not sure if its a combination of graduating and just wanting to be finished with everything or with other new stuff in my life...but whatever it is, I can't seem to get my work done for school.

The good news is I have decided which grad program to apply for at Roswell/UB and am going to force myself to get the application out before I leave for the Florida Keys next week. That way I wont have anything to worry about except getting eaten by fish.

The bad news is I am doing terrible the semester in everything. Like so terrible it is embarassing. I have been doing so well too since after soph year. It seems like a shame to quit now with only 3 months left, yet why can't I seem to get stuff done? I think half of the problem is that the classes I am taking now have nothing to do with what I want to go for grad school for or have anything to do with later in life. I took all of my biology classes that I was interested in already so right now I am in marine biology (which i will forget everything come may 21st), and 2 computer science classes (large scale programmin and databases), and some honors classes. I need the computer science classes for my bioinformatics major, but decideing to major in bioinformatics as well as biology only helped me to realize how much I like biology better than programming or computers. I guess its a good thing to find out what you like; however, looking back on all the programming classes I had to take for that major and countless hours spent in front of a computer screen just doesn't seem to make the lesson worthwhile.

Oh well everything else is going well so maybe I will be able to get my act together soon. haha we'll see. If you don't see me walking across that stage at the end of may then you will know what happened. haha just kidding. its not that bad! :)

I finally returned back to Buffalo Friday night after a week and a half of research/lab in the Florida keys. The weather was amazing. We basically worked every day. Most days went something like this:

5:45am wake up
6:30 lab prep at the dock outside the hotel
7-8 traveling to dive site and getting set up
The day included about 4-5 different dives into different waters to take sediment and water samples as well as to observe the fish, coral, plant and creature populations.
5-5:30: arrival back at the hotel for shower and to make dinner
7:30 back to the lab to run tests on the data, make species list of what we ovserved during the day and analyze data
10-11 hopefully finishing up lab work and then...
FREE TIME! - which basically meant hanging out til you couldn't keep your eyes open anymore because that 5:45 wake up comes pretty darn early!

All and all the experience was amazing. I must say though it really did toughen me up a lot. Most dive sites were pretty dangerous and the waters were filled with barracudas, sea urchins, diadema (they look like black golf balls with 6inch spikes coming out of them), sting rays, jelly fish, sharks and many other poisonous corals and creatures.

A few people got hurt including katrina who had her foot impaled by a sea urchin but she survived and is fine now. I had the usual pretty deep scratches, cuts and bug bites but was able to remain relatively healthy.

Obviously after a week and a half I have accumulated quite the collection of stories; however, there are far too many to type. For me the best experience on the trip was the trip to looe key where we went about 10 miles out into the open ocean on a reef dive. The water was as clear as water coming out of a kitchen sink and you were about to see about 30 down to the bottom without any problems. The coral systems, plants and fish were absolutely amazing and it is an experience I will remember forever. I was literally in awe of the whole thing. The barracudas were about 4 feet long and some of the fish were literally about 20 pounds.

But to top it off, there were sharks at the reef. My biology teacher said that in all her 35 years of diving at looe key this was only the third time that she saw sharks. Well lucky me. Sharks and fish as probably my biggest fears and I thought I was handling myself really well throughout the whole trip. I was obviously very scared but I think one of the best cures for a phobia is to face your fears. I didn't go out of my way to swim where the shark was; however, as me and katrina separated a bit from the rest of the group and were snorkeling a 6 foot shark swam within about 5 feet of us. Hopefully my pictures of it will come out and I will be able to post them. It was really scary but also amazing.

So I'm glad to be back home and see everyone that I missed; however, I did have an amazing time! This was one spring break I won't forget anytime soon.

Here is a picture of the group of people that i went with. I case you can't tell, Im the one in the pink/orange tank top in the bottom row and katrina is next to me in the yellow and blue trimmed tank top.