Ok so as everyone who knows me knows, I've been having a really bad past few weeks. There is one main reason...but so many other things have gone wrong as well. I guess when stuff happens in your life that is bad you sometimes rely on other people. But then when the person leaves, it makes it ten times harder to handle than normally. I guess you learn a lesson from everything, but honestly I don't want this lesson. I don't want to believe that this what happens when you begin to put faith in other people..begin to believe that something finally could be real and good. It ruins things.

I know that probably makes no sense to all of you but to some it will. So i will take probably the best statement I've heard all week from walaboo (e:mike) to heart...it was something like: even if nothing more, im glad we met and for the time spent together. maybe someday i will believe that and think that way...

So, i guess this is what i will remember about the end of my college undergrad. A really crappy ending, but I guess its something. I am looking forward to finishing this semester up...even though its really hard to concentrate on school...and finally graduating and being able to begin to figure the rest of my life out.

Anyways, id like to believe that there are no bad beginnings, so here's to a good beginning of my post undergrad life!

Ok so many of you maybe already know of this website www.thefacebook.com that is taking college campus' by storm...but Canisius has just been allowed to register for it.... and let me tell you it is insane. People are already so obsessed with the site and its not uncommon to hear people asking other people in the halls if they are on the facebook yet. Plus the school library has actually blocked the site.

Now i must admitt i did join the site quite reluctantly at first... but thanks to (e:julie) i was one of the first to become part of this online cult of sorts from Canisius. At first I did not understand why it would be fun to look at other peoples pictures and profiles from canisius and other schools, but it has this feature where you list other people on the facebook that are your friends. So then you can see if you have friends in common with people or you can search for random groups of people. Its all very confusing at first but once you get the hang of it, it actually does become amusing. Now i'm not saying i'm as hooked on it at (e:mike)...buuut, i do enjoy clicking around and adding new friends.

So while im not sure how long my amusement ...or anyone elses for that matter...with the site will last, it does hold my attention now.

So if you go to college or i think even if you are an alumni...as long as you still have a school email address...check out www.thefacebook.com. its worth looking at even if it doesn't take over you life...as i know it already has for most of Canisius.

So they say breaking up with someone is hard, but I never thought it would really be this difficult. It's not like I've never had anyone let me down before, but this time its so different. I know it hasn't even been a week yet and these things take time, but it just seems like I can't stop thinking about this. And i'm sure its terrible... but I can't even concentrate on doing my school work without drinking first (not getting wasted, just a few shots ha ha) to try and take my mind off it for a little bit. The only times I've even been happy this week is when i was drunk...thanks to my great friends!

Anyways, I almost wish I was angry at him. I know I should be, but I'm not. I usually don't get angry. And, I know I really didn't deserve it this way and this was not my fault. But the truth is, I just miss him....

Oh well. Have a great weekend everyone!

So after months of procrastination of taking the GRE's and applying to grad school, I finally got accepted today. I guess the applications and stuff wasn't that bad - I think it was just the hassle of getting all the recommendations and everything sent together. Anyways, I only applied to one grad program- the masters in natural science at Roswell/UB. It allows you to rotate between different labs and the different specific types of specializations in order to determine if you want to concentrate in a specific field and what lab you want to do your research in. I think ever since I was in middle school I always wanted to do research and help people at Roswell, so it does feel good knowing that I will get the opportunity...even if it is a little scary to think about.

However, motivating myself has been really hard this semester and I'm worried that I'm not completely ready to jump into a grad school program. But I guess it could just be because I don't like any of the classes I am in- they are all for my other major in Bioinformatics and are all programming and database classes, and I'm much more interested in biology stuff. Oh well, I'm sure the new surrounding and stuff will be enough to keep me on my toes. It's just going to be strange though because most of my friends are going to be done with school. I know this will be a good opportunity for me, and besides, what else was I going to do with myself after graduation? haha. i guess working at Old Navy still would look kind of silly with a biology and bioinformatics degree.

So I guess this news did help my terrible terrible week go a little better. I am feeling better about things today....not all better but a little. Plus, I got accepted into the biology honor society at canisius (Tri-beta)! So, maybe this week still is salvageable....but I still miss him :-

Oh yeah, and (e:paul) i know already told (e:mike) this but in case he forgets to tell you... I just wanted to let you know that you must be doing an amazing job teaching because I'm in the computer science lab all the time working on my programs and today I overheard a former student of yours that is in my class telling other people to "take anything taught by paul visco. all his classes are amazing and he is a genius" and the kid was talking about this website and how it was really cool how you did all this stuff. so good job paul, i heard it firsthand and.... they love ya!

I never understood why not. I never even could grasp why some people would be angry over a girl hanging out with other guys. It just seems childish to me to think that girls and guys cannot simply be friends. Good friends and nothing more. where is the trust? Maybe I am missing something here that everyone can enlighten me on. Is it that the guy doesn't trust the other guy you are hanging out with? that doesn't make sense because if he trusts you why should it matter. hmmm...

Thanks for the advice (e:julie) and (e:mike). i couldn't make it through this one without ya! :-)