These past few months the timing of everything just seems off.
Even when I try to plan something differently, it somehow still backfires.

But is it really bad timing or do some events truly happen for a reason, making it not bad timing but a necessary occurance in order for a future event to take place?

Put simply, things probably happen for a reason...but why does it always seem like my timing is off??

Ok so Monday I officialy finished college. My last exam was handed in (it was a take home databases exam from my independent study). Exams finished up that friday before. I think i was one of the last seniors to finish everything up. But it feels sooooo good to be done. Even though grade wise this wasn't the best semester for me at least i was already accepted to grad school so it wasn't that stressful.

This week is senior week. Its been pretty good so far. Monday was a happy hour at Flappy's. Tuesday was wine tasting but they sold out of tickets by the time I bought them so i didn't get to go. Instead I went to the biology senior lunch at school. I almost didn't go but am so glad i did. The effort that the chair and the department put into it was honesly very touching. The halls in the biology building were all decorated with streamers and balloons. They had tons and tons of food including make your own sandwiches, like 5 different kinda of pasta salads and regular salads and shells and cheese. It was impressive. Then at the end all the teachers like were hiding these party poper things and all shot them off together at the end. The chair of the dept also gave me a big hug and told everyone that even though it didn't always seem like it they really were going to miss us all and to keep in touch. I honestly never loved the bio dept at canisius but this really was a nice ending.

Thurs is the senior ball. I wanted to go before and like I still do. I mean it will be fun to have like a last formal dance ever type thing. I admit I am a little sad I do not have a date and I could of brought someone but I just don't feel like brining someone who isn't my boyfriend. Plus the stress of like working all day and trying to fit in time to buy a dress and shoes and stuff for graduation and the ball is taking its toll. BUT...me, katrina, and walaboo (e:mike) and my other canisius friends will be sure to have a blast :-)

Then Fri is the mass and Sat is graduation. These next few days are sure to fly by...

Ok so as everyone who knows me knows, I've been having a really bad past few weeks. There is one main reason...but so many other things have gone wrong as well. I guess when stuff happens in your life that is bad you sometimes rely on other people. But then when the person leaves, it makes it ten times harder to handle than normally. I guess you learn a lesson from everything, but honestly I don't want this lesson. I don't want to believe that this what happens when you begin to put faith in other people..begin to believe that something finally could be real and good. It ruins things.

I know that probably makes no sense to all of you but to some it will. So i will take probably the best statement I've heard all week from walaboo (e:mike) to heart...it was something like: even if nothing more, im glad we met and for the time spent together. maybe someday i will believe that and think that way...

So, i guess this is what i will remember about the end of my college undergrad. A really crappy ending, but I guess its something. I am looking forward to finishing this semester up...even though its really hard to concentrate on school...and finally graduating and being able to begin to figure the rest of my life out.

Anyways, id like to believe that there are no bad beginnings, so here's to a good beginning of my post undergrad life!

Ok so many of you maybe already know of this website www.thefacebook.com that is taking college campus' by storm...but Canisius has just been allowed to register for it.... and let me tell you it is insane. People are already so obsessed with the site and its not uncommon to hear people asking other people in the halls if they are on the facebook yet. Plus the school library has actually blocked the site.

Now i must admitt i did join the site quite reluctantly at first... but thanks to (e:julie) i was one of the first to become part of this online cult of sorts from Canisius. At first I did not understand why it would be fun to look at other peoples pictures and profiles from canisius and other schools, but it has this feature where you list other people on the facebook that are your friends. So then you can see if you have friends in common with people or you can search for random groups of people. Its all very confusing at first but once you get the hang of it, it actually does become amusing. Now i'm not saying i'm as hooked on it at (e:mike)...buuut, i do enjoy clicking around and adding new friends.

So while im not sure how long my amusement ...or anyone elses for that matter...with the site will last, it does hold my attention now.

So if you go to college or i think even if you are an alumni...as long as you still have a school email address...check out www.thefacebook.com. its worth looking at even if it doesn't take over you life...as i know it already has for most of Canisius.

So they say breaking up with someone is hard, but I never thought it would really be this difficult. It's not like I've never had anyone let me down before, but this time its so different. I know it hasn't even been a week yet and these things take time, but it just seems like I can't stop thinking about this. And i'm sure its terrible... but I can't even concentrate on doing my school work without drinking first (not getting wasted, just a few shots ha ha) to try and take my mind off it for a little bit. The only times I've even been happy this week is when i was drunk...thanks to my great friends!

Anyways, I almost wish I was angry at him. I know I should be, but I'm not. I usually don't get angry. And, I know I really didn't deserve it this way and this was not my fault. But the truth is, I just miss him....

Oh well. Have a great weekend everyone!