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jenks’s journal

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Ok, so I've been thinking a little, and wonder what you peeps think of this.

All my life I have been a "nice" person. But how nice is too nice?
What's the difference between "sweetheart" and "pushover?" Are they just two sides of the same thing?

I'll always remember one day in college.... I was friends with this group of mostly guys... And some of them were (are) selfish asses. But we were still all friends. That's just sort of how they were, and I just accepted it. They weren't always super-considerate of everyone- but sadly most people aren't. They would tell dirty jokes in front of me. Sometimes the jokes would be at my expense. I didn't care... I laughed right along. They did it to everyone. I think that's what friends do... I know they care about me... I know they meant no real harm... just good-natured ribbing... Then one day a (girl) friend of mine witnessed some of this... and she was so mad at me. Gave me this big lecture about standing up for myself and not letting them treat me like that... And for a while I felt bad. I thought maybe she was right... maybe I'm some big spineless wuss. But then I thought more about it... I thought I was "rolling with the punches", "being one of the guys", etc. She thought I was being a doormat and letting them walk all over me. I dunno... I'm not sure that laughing off a sexist joke rather than going all feminazi on my friends makes me a doormat... What do you think?

And I was thinking about this some more today. I will pretty much do anything for the people I care about. Even sometimes at my own expense. But I sort of think that's what friends are for.

But where do you draw the line?
I decided today that making other people happy really IS what makes me happy. To the point that sometimes them being happy means more to me than getting what I want. Is that wrong? Is it pathological? Or, if it does make me happy to see them happy, is it just fine?

For me- who I am with is usually more important to me than what I am doing. So when asked "what do you want to do?" I probably usually answer with "I don't care, what do you want to do?" Because I usually DON'T care. Spending time with other people and seeing them happy really DOES make me happy. Am I really being taken advantage of, if the act makes me happy?

I mean it's one thing if I force myself to do things I hate b/c I am afraid to say no... That isn't good. And if it's something I feel really strongly about- I'll speak up. But little stuff, like what movie to see, where to go for dinner... It doesn't really matter to me.

So I wonder... does that make me easygoing and happy-go-lucky? Or does it make me a passive unassertive masochistic doormat? Or does it depend on the circumstances... or is it in the eye of the beholder...

Hmmm

penny for your thoughts...

-J
534 words

💬 3 comments

  1. chico ·

    If making other people happy IS what makes YOU happy then I say it's (almost) all good... I mean, you have to draw boundaries somewhere, but I identify with your tendencies in a big way. My Aunt Marie is the same way -- it genuinely makes her happy to ensure that the people she cares about are happy. If you find good friends who have your back when you need them most, I don't see anything wrong with letting them have their choice of restaurants, bars, etc., and even hammering you with some borderline-nasty ribbing. As long as they are willing to take it in return, anyway.

  2. metalpeter ·

    If the ribbin was funny then it is fine to laugh but just make sure you get a return shot in at there expense. If it wasn't funny or not appricated and you laughed any ways then that isn't ok .

    I have to admit reading your post is a little bit scary it sounds like me so much. The part about not really caring what movie or resturant as long as it is one I like is so me.

    There is a line between being a "pushover" and nice. I think as long as all the nice things you do you inatate them your self then it is being nice. But when someone gets you to see a movie or do something you really don't feal like doing then you are being a pushover.

    There is nothing wrong with making other people happy. If making others happy then makes you happy then that is good. However if you go so far as to do things that you don't like to make someone happy to be happy then that is a problem. It is also important that @jenks also does stuff for @jenks so that @jenks is happy. Sometimes that means standing up for your self sometimes and sometimes calling somebody out.

  3. mrmike ·

    I concur with the other gentlemen on this one. Provided you genuinely get to make yourself happy, it's all good and the feminazis can fight battles worth fighting.

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