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04/19/07 10:55 - 45ºF - ID#38955

My Favorite Republican

Right now I am listening to Alberto Gonzalez testify before the senate judiciary committee. Al's voice sounds so soft. I imagine him wide eyed, doe like. Naughty boy is going to be spanked. And he is.

So far, I want to make dirty sweet love to Arlen Specter in thanks. That man knows how to rake someone over the coals while sounding paternal.

Al's strategy so far is
1) "I can't recall"
2) "Kyle Sampson has that information"

But Arlen, how you cut through that. Asking Al "Do you prepare for all of your hearings? Do you prepare for all your press conferences?" Oh yes, YES YES! You just hit my g-spot Mr. Gentleman from Pennsylvania. Hit that! YA!

I really don't know much about Specter on many of the issues. But during the confirmation hearings for Harriet Myers, Sammy Alito DAMN! Specter fucked their shit up! I don't care if he wants to burn all the gays, deport the Jews, and enslave the blacks. He knows how to toss daggers with kisses from his jowly mouth.

You are my favorite Republican Mr. Specter.

You hear that John McCain? Ya, you knew you were on my shit list from your shift from Maverick Republican with principle to Straight Talk Crap Express far right wing blow job giving dog. But you a buried beneith the specter of your former self... that and Arlen Specter. It is over between us. Mail back the ring, no, pawn it. I don't want it anyway.

love,

-James
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Words: 250
Location: Buffalo, NY


04/18/07 02:33 - 42ºF - ID#38941

Just so you know

In Virginia 33 people were killed.

Between this weekend and today about 500 people were killed in several separate bomb attacks including 178 today alone.

So, what exactly makes a tragedy? Proximity? Perceived kinship?
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Permalink: Just_so_you_know.html
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Location: Buffalo, NY


04/12/07 01:19 - 49ºF - ID#38859

Drinking the Sabres Kool-Aid

I don't like watching sports, at all. Background human interest:


In high school my best friend and I thought about what makes sports so popular. And, like most things, we determined it was fantastical violence. And so, we set out to create the most dangerous, violent sport.

It began by trying to get a ball from one side of the court to the other. Simple enough. You would have to run up step ladders and jump off the top, hurl yourself over fields of saw horses, climb up a tree and jump to its neighbor. All the while your opponent tries to hit you with a stick, hard, very hard. Contact me if you want to buy a local franchise for a "Super Danger Future Ball" team.

And now, the Sabers.

Tonight begins the play offs. A time it is dangerous to not only be a fan of an opposing team, but equally dangerous to not be enthusiastically a Sabers fan.

And so, with ice pack ready, I must march into the maelstrom and show some love for our team (All Buffalonians exempt from giving a damn about the Bills). But it is incredibly easy to do so. I don't need to watch a game to know the score of a game. I need only listen to the screams and cheers that pour out of the Elmwood bars. If I was knoced into a coma during the game I can know who won by how many cars are honking.

If we lose? Ah, well then I can look for broken beer bottles all along the streets and sidewalks. Much fun when you walk a dog. Thank you dicks. Suck it up.

But, one thing is clear, for as long as the Sabers are in the play offs the city is going to buzz with overwhelming, singular Sabers energy. It makes it tough for someone like me, who could care less about any sports team, to not feel a glimmer of hope and pride.

And if you repeat that with anyone I challenge you to a game of Super Danger Future Ball.
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Permalink: Drinking_the_Sabres_Kool_Aid.html
Words: 351
Location: Buffalo, NY


04/10/07 11:21 - 33ºF - ID#38834

Craig's List Personal Ads

Folks,

I have been reading craig's list incessantly for the past week. It has been a slow week, what can I say. The M4W ads will some day in the future be considered the highest form of literature, leaving poetry and the novel in it's terrible wake.

But then, it happened.

I saw an ad that could only have been writen by a younger version of me.

"I am a computer geek as well, and I play D&D. I am a pretty good listener, and will put up with a lot. I am a nice guy, but I do have a breaking point. I only seek meaningful relationships, and sexual activity means very little to me. I am looking for a girl with a nice personality, decent looks and a bit of geekiness.Whether she just likes to read, or she is a full blown computer nut, some kind of geek girl would be great."

Oh yes. It is horrible to have the mirror put to yourself and discover that you have been a Medusa all along.

Well, I no longer play D&D.
I never dated girls (nothing personal ladies)
and sexual activity means a good deal to me

But man, at age 17? Roll that 3D6 to determine your social awkwardness.

Thankfully, there are thousands of other ads written seemingly by married men who's brains are nulled by the syphilis eating them. And I can go about my casual reading unreflectivly. But always knowing at home is a giant bag full of dice buried in a mound of sex toys.
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Permalink: Craig_s_List_Personal_Ads.html
Words: 265
Location: Buffalo, NY


04/09/07 10:25 - 33ºF - ID#38825

Breakfast at Tiffany's

I have never seen this movie. Which makes me the only gay guy in this or any universe who has not had a hard on for Audrey Hepburn. And I am happy to be flaccid before her image. And while watching, sans boner, I couldn't help be think to myself.
"Boy, the love interest couldn't be gayer." He screams big homo. A writer in New York who is payed to have sex with an older patron? Ya, I am sure Truman Capote wasn't writing his fat pansy ass into that role. Replace older married woman with a closeted married homo and two and two equals four.
I had to ask, were people in the early 60's dumb enough to fall for this? I haven't seen this overtly gay a character since I watched "Gang-Bang Street Trade 3" earlier this evening. The characters in that one were much more sympathetic by the way.
I find Capote's prose to be effective. It is stylish and overwrought enough to be charming. But have a hack screenwriter make a script out of the novel (which I have not read, I can only comment about some of his shorter, latter pieces) and suddenly a dim whited child is flailing about a canister of film better used for "Gang-Bang Street Trade 4: Prussian Gushers".

And seriously, Henry Manccini? Are you listening in hell? Writing one song and rearranging it for two fucking hours is no way to write a score. Sure, it was a lovely song. But Christ man, Christ!

On the bright side, the trained cat kicked ass. I didn't think you could even train cats to do anything other than piss you off and shoot dander everywhere.
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Permalink: Breakfast_at_Tiffany_s.html
Words: 281
Location: Buffalo, NY


04/04/07 10:41 - 39ºF - ID#38742

Live Nude Pedestrians

We Buffalonians love nothing more than to worship spring,

The rites of spring begin on the first day it is over 45 degrees. Our puffy coats with faux fur hoods slip off and we expose our pail skin to the sun, drastically increasing the earths albedo. Even now, there are sunbathers wallowing on their blankets over the muddy fields of Delaware park, waiting for the sun to slip through the constant cloud cover.

Yesterday afternoon I saw a sun worshiper par excellence. At 5:30 a woman was walking up Delaware ave amid rush hour traffic, without a scrap of cloths on her, licking a lollipop as she goes.

I just hope she looked both ways before crossing.

have a swell day kids,

-James
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Permalink: Live_Nude_Pedestrians.html
Words: 121
Location: Buffalo, NY


04/02/07 04:56 - 50ºF - ID#38720

The Dumbest Animals you can't Kill

I hate spring,

In a town that spends 4-5 months clasped in the icey womb of winter that is blasphemy. Even now mobs with torches and pitch forks are gathering out my window. Ready to storm my citadel of nay-saying-springhood.

It wasn't always that way. Spring would mean all the obvious things that we enjoy spring for. Namely warmth and sun: two precious commodities you would sell your mother's eyes for in January. Things changed though when I got a dog. Spring now means two very different things: Stupid bunnies and stupid squirrel

You see, in Winter's death throws these cute little mammals get their freak on and pop out little bunnies and squirrels for the world to consume. The smart ones live. The dumb ones though must die. They must all die.

When I am walking my dog he will spot a bunny a block away and begin pulling, choking himself on his leash yet propelled by the force of his lust for bunny meat; which, by the way, he has never tasted. When the momment comes when the bunny or squirrel will realize the dog is onto him he will hop three feet away and stop, look behind him, and stay.

The dog is pulling like a tractor but is not moving any closer. So the squirrel or bunny things "he isn't getting any nearer, he must not see me" and remain.

The great tragedy of all this is no dog gets to these animals. Their stupidity is allowed to go on and mix with the gene pool. Ensuring countless future generations of animals I would rather not be.

Our only hope is they forage in traffic.
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Permalink: The_Dumbest_Animals_you_can_t_Kill.html
Words: 279
Location: Buffalo, NY


03/29/07 02:16 - 43ºF - ID#38680

Flickr has been infiltraited by Commies

Flickr, oh Flickr!

She was the first web 2.0 community driven content site I really got involved when, and she stole my heart. I started off in the local Buffalo group started by the enigmatic (e:Jim). It still is a fun group with really good people in it. And then the Reds came for me!

I have always had an academic interest in Russia. I am have always had a personal interest in Soviet aesthetics. It isn't the oddest of hobbies, but it isn't exactly a national past time either. But let me tell you how funly awesome these groups are:

Soviet States
is all about former Soviet nations, and the ruins of the former soviet regimes. If you love the color grey, you will weep tears of joy!

Political Art - Socialist Realism Did you know that in real life Joseph Stalin was a bald dwarf? It is true, but through this school of realism the warts and all style of realism looks more like idealism. Check out the statures of Soviet's nobly sacrificing material gain for the betterment of the people. It makes you weep artificial tears.

My Happy Soviet Childhood has scores of soviet kids smiling. Hey comrade Billy, if you act as an informant on the states case against your father's patriotism we will send you to summer camp. Oh Boy!

my favorite

The Red Menace Sure, it doesn't have Soviet stuff, but crazy American propaganda dealing with Soviet Stuff. It is the sort of thing that makes you wonder how many different ways can Lenin be depicted as an octopus mangling the globe.

But why love them so much? Because I can waste at least an hour while at work looking at these oddities.

enjoy kids
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Permalink: Flickr_has_been_infiltraited_by_Commies.html
Words: 291
Location: Buffalo, NY


03/26/07 12:02 - 50ºF - ID#38620

WTF?

Seriously, WTF?


Our soon to be old apartment is right on Delaware near Children's Hospital. Ambulance, fire trucks, and popo have been driving up and down, sirens blaring, all day. Has some large building caught fire? Has Zombie McKinley been shot by yet another anarchist?

I do a google news search and all I get is some ex-Bills couch complaining about Buffalo's "lack of women and preponderance of Applebee's like restaurants" which would be the case if you were a closeted homosexual living in Orchard Park.

Has anyone seen an ambassador stabbed? Has Kuni's been serving human all along? I need to know! I need to know!
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Permalink: WTF_.html
Words: 107
Location: Buffalo, NY


03/22/07 01:12 - 61ºF - ID#38557

NPR is a headache

Kids,

I was excited about the John Edwards press conference today. Not looking forward to him dropping out, but excited to hear what had to be said and neurotically move on with this fantasy football game of primaries. When I heard about it, I had a date. Noon. Don't be late.

So here I am at work. Ten minutes prior I turn on the NPR webcast. They had live coverage of it. Someone there in the room looking at an empty podium.

So, just as things are about to start they cut to a very important announcement. Yes, it is that time for their quarterly beg-a-thon.

I love NPR because they have up to the minute coverage of breaking news.

They have coverage of what you think is important.

If you got this news elsewhere you would have to wait until tomorrow for the newspaper.

This is what they told me. Convincing me that my dollars are important to ensure that I don't miss anything. All the while missing the only news item I cared about that day.

This is irony. Slaves groveling at your feet and licking your boot is great, accept when you are trying to walk somewhere. And you, NPR, are in my way.



The good news is the UN secretary general was having a news conference in Iraq when it was hit by a mortar. No one is hurt, but the building shook and it is on tape. How awesome is that?
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Permalink: NPR_is_a_headache.html
Words: 246
Location: Buffalo, NY


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