I received an e-mail on March 13 explaining that decisions were made and notifications were to be sent out starting that weekend with the latest arrival date of March 23rd (previously stated as April 1st). I had been living the last few months in perpetual limbo not knowing what awaited my future. On the 17th I received a letter from MICA in a standard-sized envelope, and accepting a rejection letter I began to open it while repeating to myself that I could always apply next year.
“Dear Steven,... The Graduate Committee of Maryland Institute College of Art has carefully reviewed all candidates for admission to the Graphic Design (MFA). You have been selected as one of a small number of candidates to be on a list of alternates for the program.”
Instead of a letter of rejection I was surprised instead by a letter of... well, kinda-acceptance. MICA was indeed interested in me and placed me on a waiting list, and so instead of a concrete answer I’m back to a world of limbo on where I’m going to be later this year.
This (potential) new life looming in the near future comes with the reality that I’ll be leaving Buffalo and quite possibly never return. I love Buffalo and I love my family and the friends I’ve made, but the truth is I’ve always have been and will be limited in the amount of personal growth I’ll be able to do here. Both (e:yesthatcasey) and (e:uchina) know quite a bit about my past and the struggles I’ve faced just to hold onto a sliver of stability in my own life. I’ve tried so hard over these past few years to get my name out there and be taken seriously as both an artist and graphic designer (while dealing with horrendously awful life circumstances), but the only major support I’ve gotten is from my friends who genuinely appreciate what I do. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve gotten a little recognition for the work I’ve done, but it’s quickly overshadowed and forgotten about because I’m not one of the “recognizable names” in the local press. I do also have connections and friendships with individuals heavily involved in local music events, entities, and news (that aren’t my DIY friends), but I’ve seen time and time again where they contract or ask a local, well-known artist to do work for them when said artist has absolutely nothing to do with any of Buffalo’s music communities.
Yes, I graduated from UB with my BFA in Communication Design back in 2012. No, it’s been almost 3 years and I still haven’t been able to land any sort of job remotely related to my field of study. Part of it is due to the extreme competitiveness in a city of our small size, but a lot of it is due to playing catch up for the past 6½ years of my life that I spent homeless and not having the same opportunities that my peers have had during and post-undergrad. Instead, I took it upon myself and got involved with a community of DIY musicians creating art and designs for them. Even with 2+ years of experience under my belt designing merchandise and print advertisements I receive the same answer from design positions that, “Your work is good but isn’t quite a fit for our setting, have you tried freelance?” What they don’t seem to get is that you need money and job experience to start making money and getting more experience. I understand that they are looking for a particular form of “experience”, but it’s frustrating that even by making my own opportunities where I had none and being extremely resourceful I’ve still repeatedly gotten shot down. It’s also quite infuriating when my friends already in steady, reliable graphic designer positions state that they’ll also be applying to a job I am, not because they necessarily need to, but because they can. And because they have the professional experience they’ll get the job over me, so I’m just supposed to bite my lip.
I’m still in limbo until MICA starts calling alternates in mid-April, but after a long period of thinking it over I know I’m ready for something new. There are a lot of good memories I’ve created here, but there is also a lot of pain I’ve had to endure. If I stick around that means I would have peaked far before my potential has been reached in a city that would rather stick to something familiar than embrace something “different”. I know I shouldn’t jump the gun before I get a concrete answer from MICA, but the truth is I’m not happy in Buffalo at all. I’ve grown a lot over the years and now know who I am with a great group of friends that became a support system I always lacked, but I also know what I want out of life. More specifically, I know what I deserve out of life. Even though I’ve worked my ass off for so long, my only reward has always been a tease of how things could be or the opportunities I could be having as they are thrown to my peers instead who inadvertently take it all for granted. I need a massive change, but more importantly I need to finally be able to direct my own future.
Buffalo, I love you, but I don’t think this is meant to be.
You don't have to break up with Buffalo completely. We moved to Baltimore almost exactly 6 years ago, and there are still some things I miss about it. Having said that, I don't regret for a second our decision to move. You will love Baltimore. It does have a lot in common with Buffalo, but it has a lot of its own quirky character. This is, after all, the home of John Waters. It's also awesome to be 40 minutes from DC, an hour and a half from Philly, and less than a few hours from NYC. You can take day trips to all three places. And Buffalo will still be close enough for long weekend trips. Maybe some day we could share rides. We drive up a couple times a year to see friends and relatives in Buffalo and Niagara Falls.