The day started with my mom and I meeting(:eHeidi)at Betty's for blunch, we then walked around Allen St where Heidi explained the history of the neighborhood, houses and businesses. I then took my mom home and headed back to my girl where she took me to my first deadhead concert and I had a blast!! I loved the music, the people but most of all I had the best time with my girlfriend at a concert she wad SO Excited to go to, I wanted to share it with her, enjoying the music was an extra!!
I am having the BEST time with my mom on this visit, she met Heidi and instantly loved her, not just because she is the incredible woman that she is but because of how she loves me!! I am having the BEST time EVER falling in love!!

I had an incredible evening with the most beautiful date (e.heidi)

I had an incredible hike with the meetup group. I have never been to the gorge and it was breathtaking!

Day 2 was a little rougher then day 1 and day 3 has it's ups and downs. The cravings are terrible sometimes but the crazy thing is this time that I don't want to smoke where as before I wanted the it and had to talk my self out of it. I tell myself all the positive reasons for why I am quitting. It's funny; I can almost see the two sides batteling it out in my brain; you need a cigarette; we don't need that nasty thing LOL

I find that the hardest times are the ones out of habit more then anything else; not to say I don't crave it, just don't want it. All the regular times that were a must like:
- In the morning with a cup of coffee
- After a Meal
- With Alcohol
- Driving (especially long distance)

I am a little nervous about the last one and that is probably the wrong word.....I am cautious of it, I leave Sunday for New Jersey; a 7 hour drive of which I am going to crave a cigarette very bad, so here is my plan: I have sunflower seeds, chocolate, and gum. Lots of water and gatorade to drink, so my problem here is what to do with my hands, maybe a stress ball or something.....

I am confident I will not smoke-that's a given-but I don't want the cravings to drive me crazy (literally) I also don't want to be an irritable bitch to the people I care about-screw the ones I don't know; I'm going to Jersey ;-).

I finally told my best friend I had started smoking 7 months ago. I felt bad keeping it from her especially because I never keep anything from her but I didn't want her nor could I take her being upset or disappointed in me not then not now. She was a little hurt that I kept it from her only because of the whole "we tell eachother everything" but understood that at that time I didn't need a speech and when I was ready to quit I would and will without a doubt, she also told me she wasn't that upset really because our friendship is so deep and true that we never keep anything from eachother and sometimes we just need time to process or deal, in the end we always share. She beleves in me because I have made the decision this time for the right reasons and has faith in me and my strength. :-)

Cravings are very difficult sometimes and I am finding ways to deal with them from walking, to cleaning, playing with Buckshot, kissing and playing with my girlfriend ;-) puzzles work really well too. Anything to take my mind off of it and ofcourse I have my favorites of the choices-anything that keeps me active :-)

On a side note: I went to pick up some potting soil for my girl and when I went to pick it up my left arm just let go, it's like it just said "ummm I don't think so" lol......I am really over being held back from my shoulder and wrist; as much as I want to rush this I can't, it will only make the process longer. Ugh!!! I want to go to the gym, play basketball, carry heavy things again, use my left hand and arm personally as well!! I don't have patience for this and the combination of this and the not smoking makes for some interesting moments, but we push through knowing the outcome will be better and I will actually heal faster by not smoking.

Tomorrow is Friday and I get to spend the evening and most of Saturday with Heidi :-) I really enjoy our time together no matter what we are doing it's always fun and enjoyable. I especially enjoy the weekend and I spend the night, we sleep in and then go for coffee at Taza; and then usually plan the rest of the time we have and then schedule the time we will spend the next week. Our schedules are so complete opposites and pretty soon I will have to actually stick to my real work schedule which will almost limit us to just weekends unless she is in Bloss. So for now we squeeze in all the little time we can in and then most of the weekend is ours. I am really looking forward to camping, fire flies, hikes, bike rides, etc with her.

I am really enjoying my time here in Buffalo and the friends that I have made here!!

Today is my first day not smoking (again). I had quit in the past for a little over 3 years and I started back up when I decided not to be together with Rose anymore after 20 years, it's a lame excuse but it's what happened.

My mom has COPD, I enjoy being athletic and active, I am not getting any younger, cancer runs in my family,etc the reasons for quitting can go on and on. My problem always before is that I ENJOYED smoking so I was quitting because it was the healthy thing to do, the right thing to do, everybody wants you to quit, but never because I personally just didn't want to smoke anymore. It's a disgusting habit that does so much damage to myself as well as the people around me and that's not cool!

This time I DON'T want to smoke anymore!!! I don't like the way it tastes anymore, the way it makes me feel weak, short of breath, and everything smells like smoke. There are other things I enjoy doing in my life that smoking will take away from me. I enjoy being active, going to the gym, playing sports, doing crazy mud races, bike riding, etc.

So today is the beginning of my new life, I will not be a smoker anymore and I will be getting back to the gym starting next week, the weather might actually start to be looking up for me so I will be able to get back out again doing hikes and camping ;-)

It's been a tough day with cravings but the patches are really helping with them and the rest is on me to get through by being active, writing on here, texting my friends. The first two weeks will be the hardest and then it will get easier, after that it will be willpower forever; but without the craving I know I can do the rest. The day is almost over for me and that means the first 24 are a success!!