HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.
The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...... leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.
Mrmike's Journal
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11/05/2009 16:07 #50225
Hell is for childrenCategory: humor (i hope)
11/04/2009 11:55 #50213
The things I do for my workCategory: work
A hearty screw you to September and October
Going to battle with a penny anty operator any second and it has me in a crabby mood, but I have the boss's blessing so, that's good. Don't always get a license for cantankerousness.
Going to battle with a penny anty operator any second and it has me in a crabby mood, but I have the boss's blessing so, that's good. Don't always get a license for cantankerousness.
11/01/2009 14:44 #50182
Hallowedding and other groovy thingsIf you couldn't find fun at (e:Ladycroft) and (e:Rory)'s nuptials yesterday, you need a checkup! A truly original couple threw a truly original day. Well done, folks. Hope next weeks conclusion lives up to yesterday's overature.
(E:Strip) cleans up well, everybody looked great. I don't think I need to be too horrified at any pictures that I was in. It was a lot of fun to hang with old friends, and meet some new ones too.
The Photo booth was a hoot and I'm enjoying Hallowedding candy as I write this. Got the extra bonus of seeing (e:Drew) in professional mode too (He does good work). Very cool of (e:Jenks) to make the trek in from out of state.
High hilarity and tasteful fashions about.
Thanks Rory and Timika for inviting along as you begin your latest journey.
"Raising my coffee mug."
(E:Strip) cleans up well, everybody looked great. I don't think I need to be too horrified at any pictures that I was in. It was a lot of fun to hang with old friends, and meet some new ones too.
The Photo booth was a hoot and I'm enjoying Hallowedding candy as I write this. Got the extra bonus of seeing (e:Drew) in professional mode too (He does good work). Very cool of (e:Jenks) to make the trek in from out of state.
High hilarity and tasteful fashions about.
Thanks Rory and Timika for inviting along as you begin your latest journey.
"Raising my coffee mug."
metalpeter - 11/02/09 19:35
I'm just saying I agree with everything you said.
I'm just saying I agree with everything you said.
10/26/2009 19:26 #50124
Game SixThe 1986 New York Mets were so full of themselves, they could have franchised. They were a bunch of arrogant jerks and great ballplayers. They talked smack, battled personal demons, smoked in the dugout, were hated by pretty much the rest of the National League, but by god they were fun. In the case of Strawberry and Gooden, we didn't learn till later how many demons they were battling, but that was a fun year to watch. For that I feel a little guilty, but I also watched them in 83, so fair is fair. To any Mets fan, "Game Six" is more than just a Seinfeld line. Back before the Red Sox were either sterioid cases of 07 or the "idiots" of 2004, they were the choke artists of 86. Game Six is when a season of promise for long suffering Met fans shifted from intense disappointment to a once-in-a-lifetime cosmic second chance. This is the type of stuff that makes sports fans as nuts as they can be.
It was inspirational, heart-warming and in the case of the above, downright weird.
I hope by now, the creator of this, has at the very least made it out of his mom's basement
10/23/2009 10:39 #50080
Mike needs beer, good beer.Six day work weeks are guaranteed to bring out extra punchiness. This one has left me wishing for a "Sort-of easy button."
Notes from the week that shouldn't have been.
Had a misunderstanding with a friend at a work event that we repaired, but got the week off to a fine start.
I got a lot of giveaways for our current Halloween promotion, but the dairy laden snack really needs to rethink their name, sounds like something somebody ate already.
I'm never going to appreciate a cup of yogurt.
Amiably ended a relationship for good that has left me once again dateless for (e:Ladycroft) 's wedding (she'll probably kill me at this point, too). The woman involved ominously posted something, then appeared in instant messenger, where I asked her to "Come out with it." So, in a new personal low (or best), I was broken up with via Yahoo Instant Messenger.
Like Kip Dynamite, I love technology.
You gotta laugh, it's too loopy not to.
In the silver lining department, part of the Holiday promotion has resulted in an excess of donut holes in the office. I partook a little on Monday, but there are still some here. That's bad for all the logical reasons donuts are bad, but office morale is pretty genial.
A spoonful of sugar and all that.
There is another marathon on Sunday. Don't particularly care but there are other streets beside Elmwood and Delaware in the city. I wouldn't even bitch about that, but the last time these freaks had to pound the pavement, one volunteer made me turn off Elmwood and head up Delevan. When I got to Lincoln Parkway, the volunteer said I needed to go back and proceed on Elmwood. Either these folks were the dumbest people alive or evil geniuses.
Mr-Mike needs beer.
Notes from the week that shouldn't have been.
Had a misunderstanding with a friend at a work event that we repaired, but got the week off to a fine start.
I got a lot of giveaways for our current Halloween promotion, but the dairy laden snack really needs to rethink their name, sounds like something somebody ate already.
I'm never going to appreciate a cup of yogurt.
Amiably ended a relationship for good that has left me once again dateless for (e:Ladycroft) 's wedding (she'll probably kill me at this point, too). The woman involved ominously posted something, then appeared in instant messenger, where I asked her to "Come out with it." So, in a new personal low (or best), I was broken up with via Yahoo Instant Messenger.
Like Kip Dynamite, I love technology.
You gotta laugh, it's too loopy not to.
In the silver lining department, part of the Holiday promotion has resulted in an excess of donut holes in the office. I partook a little on Monday, but there are still some here. That's bad for all the logical reasons donuts are bad, but office morale is pretty genial.
A spoonful of sugar and all that.
There is another marathon on Sunday. Don't particularly care but there are other streets beside Elmwood and Delaware in the city. I wouldn't even bitch about that, but the last time these freaks had to pound the pavement, one volunteer made me turn off Elmwood and head up Delevan. When I got to Lincoln Parkway, the volunteer said I needed to go back and proceed on Elmwood. Either these folks were the dumbest people alive or evil geniuses.
Mr-Mike needs beer.
jenks - 10/24/09 10:14
I agree the races are an annoyance, but, what can you do. It would help if they at least publicized it better. I had trouble getting to Gates, and thus was late for work, several times over the years b/c I couldn't get across elmwood.
The Hartford marathon was a few weeks ago here, and several weeks before the marathon, signs started appearing all over town warning people what roads would be closed when. I mean, they were still closed, but at least you KNEW IT and could be ready.
I agree the races are an annoyance, but, what can you do. It would help if they at least publicized it better. I had trouble getting to Gates, and thus was late for work, several times over the years b/c I couldn't get across elmwood.
The Hartford marathon was a few weeks ago here, and several weeks before the marathon, signs started appearing all over town warning people what roads would be closed when. I mean, they were still closed, but at least you KNEW IT and could be ready.
metalpeter - 10/23/09 19:50
I have been in a lot of those years and years ago. I hear people who are for the race defend it, and Jason Bash it and say how his area is blocked off. But see no one is talking about the Real Issue and that could be fixed very easy. Post big signs at each cross street that on such a Date there will be a race. That would solve everything. (e:Jason) isn't made that a race stops him from going where he is going. (e:jason) is made that he goes to go someplace and this race comes out of no place. Often since the races go down elmwood or delaware they are long and tough to get around. Your best chance is to drive towards where the race starts and then get to a point where the slowest Racer has passed.
I have been in a lot of those years and years ago. I hear people who are for the race defend it, and Jason Bash it and say how his area is blocked off. But see no one is talking about the Real Issue and that could be fixed very easy. Post big signs at each cross street that on such a Date there will be a race. That would solve everything. (e:Jason) isn't made that a race stops him from going where he is going. (e:jason) is made that he goes to go someplace and this race comes out of no place. Often since the races go down elmwood or delaware they are long and tough to get around. Your best chance is to drive towards where the race starts and then get to a point where the slowest Racer has passed.
janelle - 10/23/09 19:22
I know, lol...
I know, lol...
jason - 10/23/09 18:40
Never thought about farmers market! I always walk there. Got to be a pain. BTW I know I take it a little too personally. :)
Never thought about farmers market! I always walk there. Got to be a pain. BTW I know I take it a little too personally. :)
janelle - 10/23/09 16:23
Ooh, the Farmers Market is a huge annoyance. I always hit myself upside the head when I make the mistake of driving up Elmwood on a Saturday morning.
Ooh, the Farmers Market is a huge annoyance. I always hit myself upside the head when I make the mistake of driving up Elmwood on a Saturday morning.
jason - 10/23/09 15:59
In my area of the 'hood, it is a terrible inconvenience...as in don't plan on getting in or out of the neighborhood without severe delays. I wish it were only a few minutes. It's beyond my comprehension why the people organizing these things can't get their people to know where local traffic is supposed to go...at a minimum....let alone post directions along the route. Most are abysmal. I try to be patient, try not to be a jerk, but these things make me pretty much not care even a little about napalming the bastard that gives me the tiniest bit of attitude while I'm driving past. In fact it is pleasurable. If they don't care about pissing me off, I don't care about sharing my misery with them. Big heaping servings of it.
In my area of the 'hood, it is a terrible inconvenience...as in don't plan on getting in or out of the neighborhood without severe delays. I wish it were only a few minutes. It's beyond my comprehension why the people organizing these things can't get their people to know where local traffic is supposed to go...at a minimum....let alone post directions along the route. Most are abysmal. I try to be patient, try not to be a jerk, but these things make me pretty much not care even a little about napalming the bastard that gives me the tiniest bit of attitude while I'm driving past. In fact it is pleasurable. If they don't care about pissing me off, I don't care about sharing my misery with them. Big heaping servings of it.
james - 10/23/09 14:50
How inconvenient are they really? I live not too far from Marcy Casino where a ton of races are, practically every weekend in the summer. And it inconveniences me for a few minutes when I go grocery shopping Saturday mornings... boo hoo.
Now, the Farmer's Market on Bidwell, that fucker is inconvenient.
How inconvenient are they really? I live not too far from Marcy Casino where a ton of races are, practically every weekend in the summer. And it inconveniences me for a few minutes when I go grocery shopping Saturday mornings... boo hoo.
Now, the Farmer's Market on Bidwell, that fucker is inconvenient.
janelle - 10/23/09 13:08
I really like races in the neighborhood. I walk down to Elmwood and watch them.
And I can't afford to hate on races in EV area because I am involved in supporting a race (The Diner Dash)that runs in the area, lol....
I am really proud though that the NFTA person we worked with for the race said that our race was far more efficient at keeping traffic moving fairly well during the race than another well known 4 mile race in the area. Apparently that race shut down all traffic in the area for the duration of the race.
So it is possible to run a race without being a complete undue burden on the traffic in the area.
I really like races in the neighborhood. I walk down to Elmwood and watch them.
And I can't afford to hate on races in EV area because I am involved in supporting a race (The Diner Dash)that runs in the area, lol....
I am really proud though that the NFTA person we worked with for the race said that our race was far more efficient at keeping traffic moving fairly well during the race than another well known 4 mile race in the area. Apparently that race shut down all traffic in the area for the duration of the race.
So it is possible to run a race without being a complete undue burden on the traffic in the area.
jason - 10/23/09 12:45
Oh, goody, another running race in the neighborhood. My disgust runneth deep. They fuck up the whole neighborhood, make nuisances of themselves, never have their shit together in terms of making it easy for real residents of the neighborhood to get around, and then have the cheek to wrinkle their nose when you get upset about it.
A guy said to me during one race after contradicting two other people "It's only one day a year, calm down!" which only pissed me off more because I recognized this was one person who doesn't live here. If I were King of Buffalo for a day I would do two things. Revoke everyone's driver license but mine and people who prove to me they can be trusted, and I would ban races in the neighborhood.
Oh, goody, another running race in the neighborhood. My disgust runneth deep. They fuck up the whole neighborhood, make nuisances of themselves, never have their shit together in terms of making it easy for real residents of the neighborhood to get around, and then have the cheek to wrinkle their nose when you get upset about it.
A guy said to me during one race after contradicting two other people "It's only one day a year, calm down!" which only pissed me off more because I recognized this was one person who doesn't live here. If I were King of Buffalo for a day I would do two things. Revoke everyone's driver license but mine and people who prove to me they can be trusted, and I would ban races in the neighborhood.
tinypliny - 10/23/09 11:58
" but the last time these freaks had to pound the pavement"
HAHA that's how I think about it till I see a massive chunk of my office running. o_O
" but the last time these freaks had to pound the pavement"
HAHA that's how I think about it till I see a massive chunk of my office running. o_O
A+ indeed. :)
that's awesome
ha, excellent. (and I'm sure teresa just loved being included by name.)
...until all hell breaks loose. HA!
good stuff