I had the strangest dream last night. Bill & Hillary were at my kitchen table with me and we were eating potato chips. They wanted to see some of the neighborhood so I took them on a little tour to see some beautiful old buildings that had boarded up windows and were desperately in need of refurbishing. We went back to my house, sat back at the kitchen table talking about the buildings, and then they were getting ready to leave. I asked Hillary if I could write her a check as contribution to her campaign fund. I gave her a check for $50 and then they left.

This was a weird dream on several fronts: 1) I don’t have a table in my kitchen. 2) The house wasn’t really my house but I didn’t seem to be one with which I was otherwise familiar. 3) The neighborhood I showed them wasn’t really mine either; mine doesn’t have the buildings I described. They were more like the old brick buildings along Oak St. or on Michigan. 4) I actually remembered, I think, at least most of this dream. I very rarely even remember if I’ve had any dreams.

Maybe it was those two cookies I ate before I went to bed. It was cold last night, and I just don’t want to cave in to turning on the heat yet, so I made cookies to have the oven warm things up a bit. No, I didn’t put anything funny in the cookies, but maybe I shouldn’t have eaten them so late. They were pretty good though - oatmeal chocolate chip.

Good cookies...



...but strange dreams.

We met in the spring of 2002. He was handsome, funny, genuine, kind, and good, with just enough sarcasm to keep him interesting. At that time, neither one of us was looking for, nor were we really interested in, any kind of serious relationship. My life felt full and I was content, and he had relatively recently gotten out of a long, unhappy marriage. What seemed incredibly, we both fell for each other hard and fast. I would later tell him, “I never knew you were missing until I found you.”

He was the kind of guy who, the first time my daughter (then 7 yrs. old) saw him holding my hand he asked her if it was okay. And, after meeting my 20-year old son, decided that, based on the vibe he got, the next time they would meet he wanted to talk to my son man-to-man to assure my son that his intentions were honorable and that he wouldn’t hurt me. (Boys can be so protective of their moms.)

We moved in together in November 2002 - both happier than we ever imagined possible. But I guess it’s true, when something seems too good to be true, it usually is. In December of 2002, he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. On Christmas day we got engaged. There didn’t seem to be any sense in wasting time as the future seemed so uncertain. He was concerned about the possibility of becoming a burden; but nowhere inside me could I remotely imagine anything other than being with him - whatever was to come.

Mid January, lots of testing, biopsy, and stint surgery. The Dr.’s told us that he had a rare form of pancreatic cancer that only one in 20-million people get but that, if you could imagine, it was a “better” kind of cancer to have than “regular” pancreatic cancer. It was supposed to be more treatable with a better chance at survival. We remained hopeful. January 25, 2003 we were married. (Aside from my children’s birthdays, it was the happiest day of my life.) Several months later he adopted my daughter - an incredible joy for them both.

Early February, I took a leave of absence from my job so I could be with him while he went through chemo and radiation. We were together all day, nearly every day for the following 6 months, cramming as much as we possibly could into the time that we had. It was the most intense, intimate experience I ever had. Some of it was really hard, but his life touching ours was such an amazing gift. He passed in August 2003.

Today would have been my husband’s 47th birthday -
For him, my wish, my prayer... is that he truly is at peace.

Ugh - all we need is another idiot in charge of anything who can't pronounce new-clee-er. That right there ought to scare people off. I hate her - but unfortunately she didn't fall totally flat on her face. Listening to her and watching her really brings out the worst in me. I'm generally opposed to violence but I just want to pull the dumb bitch's hair.

I tried to give blood last week but the blood donor center wouldn’t take it. They said my iron, and some other thing identified by 3 letters that I didn’t know what it was, were too low. Can anyone tell me how far in advanced of giving blood I have to stock up on iron-rich foods to get it high enough for them to take? When I was a teen/young adult I had some problems with borderline anemia, but not so much in the past 10 years, at least not that I’m aware of. I was giving blood regularly about 5 years ago but stopped after about a year because I got a tattoo (no - not a midlife crisis - kind of a tribute to my husband). Anyway, I didn’t have any iron problems at that time. After a tattoo, they don’t want you to donate for a year, and I just sort of got out of the habit. So, I made a conscious effort to go back and then, go figure, my blood is too weak. Anyway, I want to try again but need to get my iron up. I can’t take vitamins with iron as they make me sick to my stomach, so I guess it’ll have to be the good old-fashioned red meat and spinach way. I just don’t know how long I have to do that before my levels are any good.

My sister gave me some more fresh cucumbers from her garden - they seem to be going crazy - though I'm sure that will end soon with the changing season. Anyway, I made this really good cucumber salad with it from a recipe that one of my camping friends gave me. Figured I'd share the recipe in case anyone else has an abundance of cucumbers. (I'd take a pic to go with but the camera's out of batteries - sorry.)

Cucumber dill salad

3 large cucumbers â€" peeled and sliced
1/2 cup whole milk plain yogurt
1 cup sour cream
1 TBS. dried dill
1 TSP. salt
1/2 cup finely chopped red onion
Lots of ground black pepper
2 cloves of garlic â€" crushed

Combine all ingredients and let set for 3 to 4 hours before serving.

We were talking during our camping trip this summer about putting together an Allegany cookbook of recipes we've all made while we were there. A large group of us has been camping together for many years and when we're there we take turns making dinner. That way, each family/cabin only has to cook dinner one night. It's kind of like communal living. We've had some very interesting, really great meals. Of course, it can get kind of interesting trying to figure out what to cook for 30 to 40 people. If we ever manage to get the cookbook together I'll let folks know.