Blessings to having a week off from one responsibility and then I discover that I am acting like I am completely stressed out. Can’t really figure it? I just wanted to shut off. No more efficacies. No more to do lists. No more things that need to be done. No more responsibilities. Then it hit me like a load of bricks. I do not want to do this right now. Of course the question was what do I want to do?

We get so loaded up with what we have to do that we forget that sometimes we have wants or needs. Sometimes I just need to sit and watch movies until my brain decides to start firing on its own. The realization occurs to you as you have discovered you really are addicted to spider solitaire. Long hours staring into space and then it hits you really hard.

Many years ago I had a really painful experience of falling down a flight of concrete stairs and knock out of whack 9 vertebrae of my spine. I went to my doctor to find out why I was having headaches and then backaches. Well, DUH! So I am now in physical therapy. I used to be an athlete. It’s like my brain is still wired to working out and I haven’t done it in years due to my other health problem. I’m in there and the competitive edges creeps up on me daring me to go harder, faster and then PAIN! Ouch!

I am constantly told that your young yet and you don’t know about pain. (Well, big fat raspberries to you, bucko!) Everyone has had a toothache at least once in your life. That dull throbbing ache that attacks one space in your mouth that you inspect with your tongue every thirty seconds. Hold that feeling in your mind. Take it out of your mouth and place it at the back of your skull. Your skull sucks it in like smelling roses and the scent wafts as it travels the length of your spine to where you sit, your tailbone. Remember that pain. Imagine it has traveled up and down your spine aching and throbbing until your muscles begin to tighten. Those muscles keep tightening and forget how to relax. Then you tell it to go to rehab!

Rehabilitation. Yes, I want to be able to move again without the pain. It’s amazing how the pain doesn’t leave. It’s ebb and flow does not coincide with my life or its routines. It doesn’t like to go away. This pain is like when you got left out in grammar school. Like when your school chums had to pick teams and you were the one left over that neither team wanted. It just wants you to want it to be there. Yet it does not realize that it is just a huge pain in the ass. Literally the pain that holds your sciatic nerve from stretching, that causes our fingers and toes to fall asleep just because you breathe. It does not matter what position you stand, sit or lay down and still body parts just up and take a vacation.

Spinal struggle. This internal tug of war is causing a stress that I do not know how to avoid and yet they tell there is light at the end of the tunnel. Stress causes more pain in my back. It is an endless evil struggle just to be sane. How do you turn off the trigger? How do I get better? I keep doing my homework. I keep going to rehab. I keep feeling the pain.

My co-teacher in my adult classes just called to tell me that we are canceling classes. I’m like ok why? She just found out she had pneumonia and just got home from the emergency room and getting her scripts filled. So we have to wait until she is not contagious. Everyone I know seems to be under the weather. So I just spent the rest of the time on the phone trying to reach my students on my class roster to cancel class. Now I am exhausted.

I was planning on a more interesting post, but now I am too pooped to continue. Maybe more tomorrow or Wednesday, I’m off to watch Medium and then straight to bed. Night all.

I am not sure if that is a threat or a promise. I have been offline for almost a year. Forgive my silence. So many things, so little time. My father got a kidney transplant. He is on the mend. Of course there is good days and bad days. Several more of my single friends have joined the copious groups of happily ever after entered into marriage and more on the way. Several children have entered the world and have been given a handmade baby blanket from yours truly. I am heading toward the finish line for my certification. Two more hurdles to go. Teaching and creating curriculum have taking over a great deal of what I write these days. I have recently realized that I have to make myself sit and journal. Very bizarre to read the last entry and barely remember why you wrote it. I have meet some really cool new people and am enjoying the process of getting to know them. I have recently found some new addictions that are relatively harmless to the public at large but put large dents into my pocket book and stress for space in my apartment. I am looking forward too many things on the calendar, but am desperately trying to stay caught up with everything. I really think I put too much on my plate. My eyes are bigger than my stomach. Trying to continue managing stress is always an interesting challenge in my life. Lately everyone I know is either really tired or physically ill, something about the progressive strains of the flu and other viruses. Since the writer’s strike I have gotten less interested in television and more interested in DVD’s and books.

Just thought I’d check in and let you all know I am alive.

For an extended period of time my life has taken some odd turns and has brought me to unexpected destinations. It has also been a bit unsettling to have little or no stability in my life. That is the current situation.

Home - has given me some personal challenges with uncooperative neighbors to inconsiderate tenants. I would love another tenant who lives a smoke-free living, allergies, someone who is quiet in their living space, enjoys the spacious backyard and its upkeep, adds a feeling of home, pays the rent on time, keeps a neat and clean space, has a routine that is complementary to mine, someone who lives alone, pet-free environment (due to allergies), enjoys company at reasonable hours, shares similar interests, speaks English fluently, is good with communication skills, is considerate of others, has respect for property, neighbors and community, is drug-free, is childless, single adult with healthy relationships, travels, and doesn't bring unnecessary problems. (Please understand my dream and respect that I have not told you all the horror stories I have lived with in the last 7 years!)

Work - also full of people challenges. I enjoy teaching. I have discovered I am very good at it and am quite passionate about it! I enjoy the students. I especially love them when they are at their best. But as we are all human, I expect some ups and downs. I do not understand adults that do not practice what they preach. You cannot tell a young adult to do as I say and not as I do and expect them to respect you! If you want the children to be respectful teach them respect and be a role model. OK. The hard part is living it daily! I struggle to be the best person I can be, because I know I impact the lives of young adults. I also realize that I am human and I am allowed to make mistakes. I enjoy the learning process and continue to grow and evolve. I am not about keeping up with other or try to make anyone look bad. My life does not revolve around anyone but me! Sorry if I am being selfish. I believe in honoring my right to be myself. If you do not like me, leave me alone. It is amazing the level of insecurity and defensiveness that other adults have. Don't get me wrong there are things I am insecure on. If you have met me and know me than you also know that I am only defensive when attacked or provoked!

School - I am still working on my own education and it is a hard balance. Unfortunately it has gotten to the back burner and not sure when it will return to simmering. Life has a way of happening and kill the best of intentions and plans! I have it on the schedule and will complete my commitments! SIGH

Teaching Adults - was something I enjoyed during my college years and I am returning to with a co-teacher. We are diligently working on an esoteric curriculum of 9 classes for the upcoming year at a local business: Strange Brew If you are interested in the classes, go to Services on the Home page, then click on Class Schedule on the left hand menu to see what we are up to!

Vacation - I am on several committees and have enjoyed it. The problem comes in with timing, needs and consideration. When dealing with other people I believe it is important to connect with other individuals that are part of the group and check, before determining my final plans. Some of these other individuals are being uncooperative and I am left with the choice without their input and I know this will cause problems in the end. I am rather hard headed once I have made my decision, but before that decision is made I am completely flexible! Worried, Nervous and need to prepare so that my trip is enjoyable.

Family - is always a constant in my world. My father who is terminally ill has his good days and bad days. He and I do not always see eye to eye and must be careful about our communications with each other. We are both to similar for our own goods! My mom is always a blessing to me. Do not misunderstand we get on each others nerves too! My extended family in terms of uncles, aunts and cousins is rather large. My great aunt recently fell and is recovering from that fall. My father's youngest brother and his wife bought a new home and it is lovely. My mother's sister has been recovering from moving and a series of issues with her health. My other relatives are less frequently with their news.

Friends - my list has gotten shorter since I have begun a new career and new endeavors to make a better life for myself. So sometimes it is lonely. My best friend and I are spending time taking bellydancing classes with a really cool instructor! My muscian friend is very into her life right now and we are working on scheduling issues. Here's my issue. I love my friends but I do not always want to be the person that calls. The problem is then I do not see them for long times until I do. People are so into their own worlds, myself included, that it is hard to think outside the sphere you live in. Many of my friends live out of state, which gets expensive. Many of my friends are married. Lifestyle issues. Many of my friends have children. Raising children is not only a parent's issue! I have been working on myself and my interests. There will be moments of meeting new friends in the future!

I probably need to be journaling to continue my wisdom, but this was just an update of my semi-unstable life at the moment. Until we met again, blessing on your life and live as each moment matters - because it does!

WOW! I cannot believe how long it has been since my last post. Unreal. That will show you how behind I've been! I have missed some cool stuff and give a shout out to all the (e:peeps) I both love and miss you!

Life has been a hellish roller coaster that has the undead manning the engineer's booth, because they won't let me off this hellish ride. Although I could spend many posts catching you up on the ride - I've decided to have an out of body experience from my roller coaster tripping.

Greatness. What is it really? Is it being the best at whatever it is you do? Is it your job? Is it your family? Is it your car? Is it your apartment? Is it your house? Is it your circle of friends? Is it your social life? What is greatness? Is it going to work everyday, being a responsible adult, and taking care of business? Is it having a family? Is it our progeny? Is it our legacy - our life's work?

People that I think are great are average ordinary everyday superhero. They are unique, genuine and creative individuals. They do things with passion, love and conviction. They are in that moment for all that it is worth. They are people who have jobs, but also live their own life. They are people who have cool stuff, but also have their own sense of style. They are people who believe. These great average ordinary everyday superheros are people who accept themselves for who they are, live their life to the fullest and balance. The first is necessary to complete the second and without the first two you have no hope of completing balance.

The new age mantras of balance. Man I knew this when I was knee high to the grasshopper, Hell I think I was an embryo! Here's the thing. The better you get at something life just keeps adding to your plate and sees just how well you can juggle. When you can prove you can juggle then let's try walking a tightrope and still keep everything in motion. You get the idea. Balance is about having the things you cannot control with the things you do have control over. Learning from the experience and doing something with it. Life does happen, but what are you doing with what you have experienced?

What does balance have to do with greatness? Well, I think most great people are skewed. They excel in specific areas, but are lacking in others. To be expected for the ordinary great individual. They become presidents. They become activists. They become evangelists. They become sociopathic. They become murderers. They become leaders. That is cool, part of the evolution of the soul, that balance of the white shiny happy people with the dark black evil tormented souls comes out to a whole lot of gray matter.

In my youth I thought success was define by possessions. As an adult I've had numerous experiences teaching me the only thing I truly possess is myself, even my body is on loan. It lives, it breathes, it feels, it sees, it hears, it thinks, it smells, it tastes and I thank the universe that I am blessed with this possession. There was a point in my life where I thought I lost everything of value it made me look hard and deep. It is not good to back anyone into a corner because you just do not know what he or she might do to change that reality. Either way that is my point, change or even a shift in perspective can give a whole new reality. We control more than we believe we have the power to control. We have less power over things we desire to control. So how to keep the balance? Breathe. Move. (Dance if you can) but most of all LIVE, Learn and love. Repeat to keep the order. Balance is about accepting one's experiences and applying them. Knowledge really is a very dangerous thing!