It's true, what else can I say? The one thing I looked forward to this week sort of didn't turn out like I hoped and my stomach is in knots. But don't worry, I'll be okay. Yes I will.

I'll bite. I am probably as honest about my negatives as my positives on here, and I don't mind answering some things honestly.

1. What pops into your mind when you hear the word "church?"

My childhood. Lessons in the classroom. Lots of pomp and ritual, which I enjoyed. Coffee and sweets. Singing in the choir. Playing my trumpet. Later getting paid to play at weddings and holidays.

2. Has anyone ever invited you to their church? What did you think when they asked you? Did you go? How did it feel? If you didn't go, why not?

Yes. I thought it was a pretty bold gesture, one that had to be respected and appreciated. No, I didn't go and so I can't tell you how it felt. I was pretty hungover that morning I do recall, so if I felt anything that morning it was regret.

But I do have to say that I guard the sovereignty of my relationship with God very intensely. I do not talk about it often, and I do not follow any particular doctrine. I don't even really believe in 100% of the Bible as fact rather than metaphorical teaching tools.

3. Have you ever had a sense of God or Jesus communicating with you? What was it like?

Back when I was deep in my funk, when I was, ahem, being treated, I thought about this stuff a lot, tried communicating, tried asking for help. Eventually I got desperate and asked some people for some prayers, a whole bunch of people, I thought screw it, couldn't hurt. That night I felt so freaking low. Even if I could describe it I wouldn't.

The next morning I woke up and I'm telling you, something was different. I got up, got some coffee, flipped open the news, read about the war and I felt empathy for people, something that hadn't happened for months. I realized that there is a lot in the world to give a damn about, starting with myself. It was like I was awake again.

And from then on things started happening. Two days later I got a new job. Later that month I had a girlfriend. Things have been very good, not perfect, but very good since then. I don't know whether it is coincidence, or I just snapped out of it, whether it was God communicating, or something else that is completely unknown, but it did lead to a lot of questions for me.

One answer that I got, from God or whoever, was that if you remain in isolation and do nothing you will never get any help. You make an effort first, you reach out, then you have a shot at getting what you need, and I don't see why God would be any different. You make the first step. Magic, voodoo or coincidence, I still call it a spiritual awakening, like a detox for the soul.

4. If you had one question you could ask God and knew you would get an answer, what would it be?

Things are really messed up down here, and I know you could find a way to do it, so why don't you directly intervene?

5. Would you like prayer for anything?

Just for the general well being of myself, my friends and family.

I guess I have to admit it.

You guys would be proud, I've tried this time and given a damn about it. I've been a gentleman, done the right thing, haven't acted like a jerk or ignored her. I've actually gotten on the phone and called, and she says she hasn't been feeling well since Thursday. Either I called or she called me over this past weekend, and we talked about how she still wasn't feeling right and wasn't up to hanging out.

There is a little part of me that wonders, am I being gamed or friend zoned here? Is something wrong? We went on the one date. I thought it went great. I caught myself liking spending time with her. I suppose she deserves the benefit of the doubt, but still when you keep on hearing no, no, no, you can't help but lose some enthusiasm. She said to me on Sunday, "Call me soon." I assume that is supposed to buoy my confidence. I suppose all I can do is just call her soon like she said.

We'll see how it shakes out. I'm not going to sweat it too hard.

First of all, thanks for the comments on my previous journal. Now that I think about it, that IS where we saw Henry Rollins, but was it named the same then? I do recall it used to be a nightclub, etc with a different name.

Anyway, I finally got the nerve to ask the girl that I've been sort of talking about on a date. Screw it, I thought I have nothing to lose. I got the idea to go see Keller Williams and his backing band. She is like me in that we both really love that kind of stuff so I thought it would be something she might want to check out.

We went downtown to see the game at a certain brewery (she is really into the Sabres) and get a bite to eat before the show. The Sabres lost but we did talk a bunch and got to know each other more. The show was just amazing, I even shook my ass a little bit and I think we both had a ball. The music was top notch. The layout is pretty cool for a concert. I would go there again for sure.

I know this is just one date, but I do feel 100% comfortable around her. She puts me at ease. She's cute and fun and wants to enjoy the hell out of the summer, see more shows, which aligns with me perfectly. She's also down to earth, which is a must must must for me. I guess I could always fall on my face somehow but I want to see her again.

Not that I typically care about dating "rules" but if I wait until tomorrow to call her that's okay, right?

Anyone seen a show there? Is it okay? Thinking going there Sunday evening for Keller Williams.