Well, besides the whole not really going for it thing - this is something I have known for a long time. I'm too good looking!

From The Sun Online:

And Selena is not alone. In a recent study, sociologist Diane Felmee found only a third of women said looks were the first thing that attracted them to a man. Most preferred a sense of humour or financial and career success.

Researchers at Newcastle University also believe ugly men exist as a way of repairing our gene pool. Women would rather date men with good genes, who can fight disease easily, than a classically beautiful man.

So, shit, I guess it's time to get that sock full of quarters out, to ask Josh to smash me in the face with it, to find some legal/illegal way of getting a BMW, and maybe to stock up on some Zicam in case she gets a tickle in her throat that ain't STD related.

I was out yesterday at Cecelia's with my bff Jer-Bear. He met a new girl through a friend of his, and I met her for the first time yesterday. Decent enough girl, seems down to earth, I guess. She brought up the age thing somehow, her being 23 and Jerry being 29. I'm not sure if it's really a hangup for her or not. Certainly dating a girl who is under 25 is a no-no in my rule book, for many good reasons but if I met a girl who I thought had potential I wouldn't say "Man, you're great and all but you just need a couple of more years." Hell no! She could very well ripen up by then and your appetite for her could be ruined! If I allowed what someone else thought to affect my decisions all the time, I would probably have had a lot less fun and far less experience in life.

He seems to like her, thinking she may have potential. She brought a cute little friend with her so she wouldn't be alone. The thing is I'm not a great wingman like Josh. I don't have the patience to talk bullshit and pretend like I have to put my best face forward. No, I don't have to do that. I like me. I like my cynical sense of humor. I like to make fun of things. I like all the bad jokes I come up with in the struggle to come through with a few good ones. If someone isn't down with me, it ain't worth wasting any time or energy worrying about them. They're irrelevant, and probably too square for my tastes anyway. Josh is a lot better at dealing with this. He can talk BS for hours and does so every night!

Birthday comes up in a few weeks, as someone reminded me during dinner. No, I am not celebrating. If Josh wants to celebrate he can. It comes on a Friday this year. The last year has been both good and bad, but I just want to move forward. I don't like celebrating, but a few years back I do recall getting a little striptease/lap dance from my girlfriend at the time, which was GREEEAAATT, and which I've come to find is not something a lot of girls like to do for their men. Let's just put it this way - I don't recall a single gift she ever got me, but I sure as hell do remember that night, the images being permanently burned into memory. This year...heh.....it ain't gonna be as nice.

Saw this link off of Drudge this morning, talking about how a bunch of jobs at Citibank are going to be cut or transferred to lower cost economies.



What is really interesting is what it says here:

"Meanwhile thousands of posts in New York City will be shifted to Buffalo in upstate New York near the Canadian border, although almost 60pc of the cuts will take place outside the US."

Oooh, you mean we get to take jobs from NYC? THOUSANDS? Really? I think it's fantastic. Wait for the local government to fuck it up.........

Hey, a new Category for me!

Well, I knew it was time to get back on the pills, as I now have my insurance and money to take care of myself. I went to the Doc and what did he tell me? Just go back to your counseling and get whatever you need there. Huh? I thought you were my Doctor! Why am I here paying you money to tell me to go elsewhere to get help?

I'm so frustrated.

What I do know is that for me, depression and getting blasted go hand in hand. I don't want to go backwards. I hate waking up, hands shaking, overwhelmed with anxiety. It's just brutal. It's distracting, heavily so, and debilitating.

I guess it's time to get rid of this Doc and find someone better.

Just some food for thought here. I heard some things on the radio the other night that were very scary/fascinating.

We have heard from people who are scaring the death out of us, telling us the end of the world is nigh unless we change our polluting ways, sermonizing in ways reminiscent of the Book of Revelation.

Chew on this - what if we were TRULY helpless?

• GRAIN OF SALT ALERT GRAIN OF SALT ALERT*

I listen to Coast to Coast AM fairly frequently. There was a guy on the other night called Ed Dames, a military man who claims to have been part of a clandestine CIA program dealing with Remote Viewing. With a lot of effort, these Remote Viewers claim to be able to do many fantastic things. Locating people, bombs, lost artifacts, and to some extent telling us about the natural world are among their alleged gifts (think of reasons why our gov't would want to have this kind of asset).

Anyhoo, this guy is a polarizing figure because of what he says, and believe me it ain't good. I'll cut to the chase - he said that very, very soon our Sun is going to go through a solar cycle of epic proportions, with the result being a barren earth, and the human race being cut by at least half, if not more, because of the poor food supply. Put as bluntly as he put it - we are dead in 50 years.

Now what do you make of it? Put aside the shaky foundation behind the claims for a moment (I am also skeptical of Remote Viewing) and imagine that this were true. How would it change the way you think about your fellow man? How would it affect your attitude towards life?

I was reminded of the dream I had where I had a vision of our sun going bonkers, bubbling and blowing up. I remember thinking, man what have we been doing here all this time? We make war, we fuck each other mercilessly, and what was it all for?

The point Dames made, and I agree, is that you have to squeeze every little bit of joy and happiness out of life. Even if the world doesn't end, this is still ultimately true. So why go about things being bitter, insufferable or down on life? You're wasting your fucking time.

Yeah, officially as of last night the depression came back with a fury. I thought I could handle life like a normal person would but apparently it's asking too much. Wow was it ever a struggle last night to even get to sleep. This morning wasn't much better. Not to be too emo but I'm really sad. I hope the good Lord hits me off with some comforting feelings today.

Damn it.