I saw this on MySpace and I thought it was rather funny.....enjoy!

Peace, Love and Orgasms!

Your homie,
Jason



How to Make a Woman Happy

It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:

• birthdays
  
• anniversaries
  
• arrangements she makes

..



..



HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked
2. Bring food

What if the thing I ordered for my GF doesn't come in when it is supposed to? Is it time for Plan B? (Dick in a box)

Finally, thanks to (e:Zobar) I was able to go to O's web site and see what they have to offer. The missus wants to get some grub from there for Valentine's Day. So I roll over to my HSBC Web Banking to ensure I have the funds.

Wait for it.....wait for it.... -32.07

Fuck. How am I supposed to get dinner with negative money? Not to mention this will become -65.07 once they inevitably fee my ass. Trip to TO with girlfriend, new monitor, V-Day gift, parking ticket fees, cell phone bill, and of course normal indulgences = running out of cash.

This is very depressing. I'm not going to sit here and complain about the Government being responsible for my financial status, which would of course be bullshit, as it always is. I just wish I would have planned the month a little better. I probably could have put off paying the parking tickets, which in retrospect would have been worth it because I would be able to get dinner AND be able to do my fucking laundry.

Now I have to figure it out. Do I take out a C-Note from my already negative bank account, and accrue yet another 33 dollar fee so I can do my laundry and have money for dinner tomorrow, plus whatever else I might do between now and the 15th? I don't see much of a choice. I can't go to the missus and say, sorry, you're going to have to pick up dinner. Even though I think gender roles are complete nonsense when it comes to relationships nowadays you still feel something is very wrong if you don't come through on V-Day.

At least I have $2 in my pocket, which will get me a Sparks.

Interesting......makes you wonder what kind of tech the US is secretly working on, even if you don't believe in any kind of UFO mumbo jumbo.

Giuliani Moves Closer To Presidential Run:


Hmm. As far as his politics are concerned, he is without question closer to me than any other politician I can think of. The problem is that supporting him opens me up to hypocrisy because of his, ahem, lack of fidelity and discretion in the past.

Clearly something has to give. I am not ready to simply acknowledge that it is acceptable for people, even the alleged best and brightest of us, to take an oath of fidelity and trust, then turn around and act like it doesn't matter.

To me the ability to cheat exhibits a number of serious character flaws, some of them applicable to how you view your profession. I don't think this applies in all cases, nonetheless it is worrisome when you're talking about someone in the filthiest profession we've invented, and also in the position of potentially leading our nation.

No, I don't think I can give that up because I don't think Rudy G, nor any politician, is worth giving up my principles for. As much as I would like to see someone who thinks like me in office, I don't think I can in good faith support Giuliani.

Looks like it's gonna have to be McCain by default.