At least once a month I get a million dollar idea. Ok, if they were really million dollar ideas I would be a millionaire by now -- but a good idea. I don't know why I haven't implemented this one before, but I think it's time has come.

I have read countless m4w posts on craigslist, and let me tell you, the men of San Francisco could use a makeover if they want to reach the women of San Francisco. Seriously! And who better to do it than moi?

At the very least I could take a decent picture of them. Holding a camera in front of your face might be cute when you're out having a crazy night on the town. But when you're home alone writing a personal ad in the wee hours of the morning, it just makes you look awkward at best / desperate at worst. And photos with the ex-girlfriend cut out are NOT a good idea.

Even if you don't include a photo with the initial post you're gonna need one to trade if you get a response. And with (e:Twisted)'s warranted GetADate!® methodology, you are (almost) guaranteed a response!

As for the rest of the ad, I don't even know where to start. Which is why these guys need me so much. I honestly don't think some guys realize how they come across in these ads. There can't be THAT many obnoxiously pompous or socially clueless guys out there, right? Don't answer that. Now I'm not going to portray some arrogant a-hole as a supportive, emotionally-available sweetheart. That might be good for business, but not fair to the female population. But if I can find some redeeming quality and at least soften the arrogance with a little self-deprecating humor, some desperate chick out there might take him. If the picture is good enough.

And some of these guys are already very close to being contenders. A little tweak here and there could make a big difference. Naturally I'll have to monitor their response rate and help with any high priority exchanges. Which will give me a chance to see what works and adapt accordingly. Did I mention how brilliant this idea is?

I'll have to start slowly so I can refine the GetADate!® (patent-pending -- you saw it here first!) methodology before rolling it out on a larger scale. Some of these guys are so desperate they'd probably pay $xx just to get a practice run in with me. (I'm talking email exchange people! I'm not signing on as a sex surrogate, although I hear that can be lucrative too.) I think it's better if someone as compassionate as I am shoots these fish in a barrel before a more cutthroat opportunist comes along.

And if one of these guys turns out to be a diamond in the rough, I get first crack at him. How perfect IS this business plan?

Plus, I can finally live my fantasy of whipping some sense of reality into the rest of them. I'm going to card every 40-year-old who claims to be 35 and says he "looks much younger" than that to delude himself into actually feeling justified in only dating 25-32 year-olds. Get over it buddy! Everybody in the Bay Area "looks much younger." It's the freakin' fountain of youth out here. If you can't deal with a girlfriend who is your exact age, that simply means you're in denial about your age. It's only a number. Get used to it.

And I'm sure I'll get to hear plenty of horror stories about what it's like on the "other side" of m4w, which may very well have contributed to why some of these ads are so defensive. I can understand why that might happen, but if you don't want to attract the b!tches of CL, don't write for that audience. You've got to write as if you believe she's out there. Oh, I am going to be so good at this!

Figures I finally get around to it just when I'm about to start that full-time contract in San Leandro. That is going to be a shock to my system. It's been a long time since I had to get dressed to go to work. Don't anybody steal my idea while I'm gone.

I seriously scored the best parking space EVER tonight, right in front of the tour bus.



I REALLY have to get a better cell phone camera. And I wish they would keep those trees trimmed so you could read the marquee! Snow Patrol at GAMH. It was a really good show.

I found a handyguy to fix my bathroom heater/fan. I probably could have fixed it myself, but I'm skittish about anything involving electricity, so I kept putting it off. My temporary twist-tie fix was holding up pretty well - that is to say, keeping it from falling on my head. But showering with no heat was getting old, what with the Victorian idea of central heat being a coal-burning fireplace.

He arrived via motorcycle with all his tools packed in this carry-on size suitcase. That is handy.



He's cute too. And not just his butt.



Good thing I have a ladder. I don't think he could have fit that on his motorcycle.

(e:Paul,4243)'s post about looking for a rocking chair reminded me. I've clocked a few hours at Charlotte Douglas International Airport between flights, and was very, very happy to watch the world go by from one of the rocking chairs scattered along the main concourse. What a brilliant marketing strategy. Nothing like being jam-packed on an airplane to make you really appreciate a good seat. If I could have bought one to sit on during the next leg I would have.

Speaking of brilliant marketing strategies, I was taken in by one recently. I desperately needed a haircut before the Bark & Whine Ball, but with my car out of commission, making the trek to my regular guy in Alameda was out of the question. It seriously had been like 3 months, so I couldn't even coax it into some semblance of style for one night. So I went onto yelp.com looking for: cheap, close by, likely to take me at the last minute, and recommended. Not finding a definitive winner, I popped over to citysearch to see what they had to say. Finally settled on a place around the corner from my gym. $10 off your first cut, and they could take me that afternoon with just enough time to walk back home to have lunch with my friend Leslie who was in town from Connecticut, then off to the Ball. So...

The cut was ok, no horror stories. I was happy when they gave me an appointment with Joey, since most of the reviews were about her. Also overheard another new customer appointment being made for her when I got there, and she had a backlog of new customer questionnaires already on her table when I gave her mine. Now I'm getting suspicious. Who has time for all these new customers unless you suck so bad no one comes back? I figure maybe she's new, and sure enough, she just started there last September. So my suspicions are somewhat allayed until she finishes my cut. There was one thing she did that I absolutely hate. I thought about asking her to change it, but the clock is ticking and I've got to beat Leslie to my house. Besides, I like to give people some creative license, so I figured I'd live with it a few days and see if it grew on me. Long story short, I doctored it up myself about a week later.

But that's neither here nor there. Here's the crux of my story.

She rang me up with the $10 off, THEN came the innocent exchange that solved the mystery. "How did you hear about us?" I tell her SFCitysearch. She says, "oh, we get a lot of new customers through them. In fact, if you write a review about us, print it out and bring it with you the next time for another $10 off." Ah HA!!!

I wish I'd known that beforehand. That would explain why there are 96 reviews for them on SFCitysearch and only 7 on yelp.com, and why they're more likely to be positive. Duh! That should have been my first clue. If you want to get another cheap haircut, you don't want to piss off your stylist with a bad review. And if you don't want to go back anyway, you're not as motivated to write a review. Brilliant.

Live and learn.

There are certain unmistakable signs of Spring, and I couldn't help noticing one while window shopping along the block of my local laundromat today during the 28 minute wash cycle. It was almost immediately substantiated during a brief glance at the craigslist m4w postings. (Hey! I had another 32 minutes to kill during the dry cycle! What else am I supposed to do?) As I'm sure you've guessed by now, I am of course talking about the San Francisco Fetish Ball tonight. I can't believe it's that time of year again! Several shops had the poster in the window, and I'm not just talking about Dark Corset although they did seem to be doing a brisk business today.

And no, I'm not going. I don't really have any fetishes per se. At least not that I know of. Not by San Francisco standards. And if I did, I certainly wouldn't tell you. Oh who am I kidding, you know I tell you everything. ;-)

p.s. - Happy Birthday again Matt!