even if it is kinda cute and purple.

I am soooo freezing mmy ass off!!

I stayed at work late to finish a project. then I zip out the door w/o my jacket or pitstopping at the bathroom.

I get to my car, well, its a loaner from the shop while mines getting a tune up...and the battery is dead!

no one is here, so I call AAA.

I thought I would go back inside to wait in the warmth, and grab my jacket..but I don't have my card to get in! its probably in my jacket..in the building!

normally I am prepared for this stuff, but I don't have my car..which is full of amenities to keep me warm and entertained.

as always, Thank Paul for p:mobl!

brrrrr fiortuneatly I have a hat and scarf..i'm freezing, but its comforting to have the hat.

on my lunch today I went into a local small discount store. I picked up some girly hair accessories for my middle neice. There was just one of two registers open at the time; this is typical of this store.The check out line was long, but no one really had much in their shopping baskets.

While standing in line, I overheard two geriatric ladies complaining about the line. They were loud and incredibly negative. Their words were like nails on a chalkboard. I desperatly wanted to say something, shoot them death looks or throw something at them. Instead of contributing to the negativity, I decided to keep it to myself.

Actually, I thought to myself- that I never want to be that miserable and punitive in my words or behavior. Spiteful, angry, mean little women they were. We all complain, whine and moan about a variety of things, but i know never to the extent or seriousness that these women carried it out to.

They demanded that the other register open. They complained about service. They skulked around the front of the store trying to find someone to serve them. All the while everyone in line had to listen to them.

I thought that I never want to be like that now or ever. When I get to that age in my life, I hope I have maintained a good disposition. If I were to ever be that way, I would know that Ive lived a day too long.

Just as I am finishing that thought, a voice behind me echoes the same sentiment. An older lady (possibly not far behind in age of the octo-ogres) observed that she can't ever imagine being as rude and miserable as they are. I looked at her and thought her to be interesting. We chatted as though we have known each other for ages. Occasionally I have a conversation like that. It took me by surprise because it has been awhile. A random connection and it was nice. She was well dressed and coiffed- I like to see that. My elder family members are very classy, trendy, worldly and smart. I truly forget what the numbers are. Age really isn't anything in the grand scheme of things. Hopefully your age demonstates wisdom and awarness. Use it to propel forward, not hold yourself back. Some people move on and make a better world with their existence, others stay suspended in one period of time. You know who they are.

So anyway, I thought this woman to be delightfully (and refreshingly) classy and sassy. Well spoken and relaxed, she told me pointedly that if she were to ever utter such nonsense that hopefully some one would stick a gun up her other end and pull the trigger. I swear she could have been reciting poetry the way she said such a crass thing with such class.
We had a good giggle and bantered for a few minutes. She then helped me place my items on the counter to be scanned. The cashier, having been abused by the little wrinkled snot bags, began to scan items on the counter that werent mine.

I stopped her and said that such and such items are not mine. She demanded, no kidding, "WHAT?! they're not?? then whose are they??"

I retort with a mix of humor and annoyance, "I am not sure whose they are, but I can tell you that they are not mine!"

She then, with obvious dismay, pulled the said mystery items out of the bag and took them off my bill. As though I should be grateful?

I glanced at my line waiting companion- we exchanged looks and giggled. I thanked her for making me smile and sharing a good laugh.

Not sure how many decades are between us, but in those few moments there werent any.

I sometimes wonder what that connection feeling is about. The kind where that sense stems from not what you were talking about but just the moment you are in.
I talk to a lot of people. I am ofetn engaged in some sort of conversation no matter where I am at. People just manage to find me. *everywhere*

Sometimes the encounters feel generic and then there are those encounters that have a different, interesting quality to them. On most of these occasions my perception is tweaked- where I find myself contemplating it later.

I don't figure out any answers.. I just end up with more questions..





other random bits to the day:

• mondays suck. I think I said that last week-- just thought I wouold reitterate my point.

• my car goes in for a tune-up tomorrow. I got this squared away before I left work. I needed to figure out if I needed to stay in Y-Town or if I could go back to B-Lo as I had intended. Glad to have grabbed my book off my night stand, as I suddenly found myself having to stay in Y-town. Glad to get my car in though. Car running on 5 cyls makes for REALLY BAD gas mileage.

• I still havent gotton around to filling out christmas cards :(

• what are the rules of the Secret Santa? Is there a monetary limit or minimum? This will be fun :)

• and.. are we going to get snow anytime soon?

Phantom Rings in the Dark: reach out and touch someone

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

CHeck this out:
The power was out in Youngstown yesterday. It flickered on and off for a couple of hours, then while I am in the Red Room* blow-drying the plastic on the window (we better have a damn cold window after all this effort!!!) the lights went out. Image of girl standing at window in complete darkness with blowdrier in hand flashed through my mind.

• super cozy room in my apartment with comfy furniture, fireplace, ambiance and a great big red wall. love it. you love it too!

Through my window I was looking out of, all of the neighbors have holiday lights- so when the power went out, the blanket of darkness through my apartment and the Village was defined. I had a couple of candles lit in another room already, so I worked my way through the apartment by their glow. The power continued to stay off so I located my flashlight and proceeded to clean up my mess and put away cords. I knew it wouldnt be long before I began tripping over everything and try to 'flick' the power switches to their on position.

Boredom quickly set in.

Tossing a log in the fireplace and relaxing to the flames could have been a nice diversion-- but I was far from ready to settle down for the evening.

Back up:
Earlier in the day I made a run to the hardware store to buy remaining weatherstripping needed for a drafty door. I also purchased a phone cord for a regular corded phone in the event of a power outage. Weird timing, huh? My cordless phones suck (SUCK!) and I knew I had a regular phone somewhere that I had been tempted to start using (we'll see how long that lasts- keep me bound to one spot? heh). Also, cordless phones do not work when the power goes out. Cellphones not so reliable at that point either. Cellphones in Youngstown with power out even less so. Hello Canada. So I bought a 25' cord. And I made my way down to the basement where I knew I had a phone, that I bought for the basement when I first moved in three years ago. Three years, two months, 15 days.

It had been collecting dust for three years, as the phone line down stairs never worked. I concluded that that line may have been a secondary or business line (as the rooms looked like an office). I just kept it there, so I would always know where it was if I needed it. Totally logical, totally worked for me.

Well, I needed it last night. I knew where to find it. Found it. It was still plugged in. I went to pick up the phone, which it came off the receiver-- and I heard a little girl laughing. WHAT?!

ok, creepy. CREEPY!

i am in the very dark basement, by myelf, I pick up an old dusty phone from what I had pereived to have always been a *dead* line, --and I hear a little girl giggling. GUH!

goosebumps..

I think I would have lost it, if another voice hadn't appeared. Not that hearing another voice should be comforting, but anything would be better than little girl giggles among static. ick.

I put my ear to the phone and listened. The convo was extremely clear-A lady was asking a guy if he had power-- which he did. She said that Y-town has been in the dark for over an hour, etc. She was the one that made the call, and she was as clear as if I had picked up another phone in her home. He sounded further away. So what is this all about??

I am completely confused- this is not coming off of my line-

so I listen for a few more seconds until I feel a bit dirty listening in- not that what they were talking about was at all scandalous (damn my luck!). I should have said something.. so I would know if they heard me. Actually, if I had my wits about me, I would have been a bit witty and said something or made some sort of sound to mess with them (damn my scaredy cat-ness!) Maybe they heard the phone set down. Or maybe not.


Is this a live/active line? Did I just pick up a conversation or is this really someones phone line? I will try it out today.. Maybe it wont even register unless it is being actively used by someone at that time that I try. hMMmmmmm...

what is weird, is that although the other apartment and mine are very solid- sounds rarely come through, except for sound sin the basement. I think the accoustics in the basement must come up weird. We have completely separate basements- separate doors, separate everything. Mine has multiple rooms, the other one is a big open space. Both are cool- and totally live-able. Basements creep me out-- but these are ones you could live in. So anyway, the sounds that occur in the basement, regarless of what side, sometimes sound like they are right below me. OR MAYBE THEY ARE! I am a scaredy cat- I can think of these things in the day light, and I will delude myself into thinking that the noises below me are cming from the otherside. But now with this, I do not know. I have to think about that one more (while its still safe and daylight)

I had thought I had heard a phone ringing in my basement before. And I figured it to be the neighbors phone. The sound of the phone ringing is occasional. Come to think of it, I have been in my neighbors apartment, and I think he only has a cell phone.. mmmm MYSTERY!

so I have a phantom phone, or that dead line is really alive and I am about to make some international phone calls WOOOOOOO!

um, who should i call?

I really need to investigate this further-- it kinda freaks me out, though. i really hate basements. even mine. especially mine, now.

Any ideas, thoughts, comments regarding my Mystery Phone?



Continuing on the Communication theme..

Found myself suddenly "on call" this weekend and all of next week. For those who have been around me in past 'on call' weeks, I check the phone constantly (under minimal circumstance can the call reach a voice mail--expected to be answered immediately, naturally), I carry a work-binder and am generally ill at ease. over 350 families, 100 staff and anyone else could call at any time in some sort of situation.
So I don't drink, stay up late or put myself in noisy situations (the vibrate option sucks). I am "working" 24-7 for a week or more per month.

let me say, my social life bites at this point- atleast when it comes to the loud debauchary sort of social activities :)

• Damn 46 oz margaritas look fan-fuckin'-tastic (congrats on end of semester (e:brit) !)
  
• and OPM lounge sounded great too. gah! me like to dance!

I consoled myself in the knowledge that I should relax so I don't get really sick. I have been hanging delicately to the healthy me. Fortunately it has all been more in my favor- although I have felt not quite right since last friday. And I did take a day off from work to 'get better" since I had slight fever Thurs-- but it ended. Friday was fatigue and a headache and a bit sneezy-- but it is generally feeling gone again. Today I am feeling pretty great-- SO I am doing something right--i usually don't get full on sick. my immune system kicks ass! I am thinking it will pass it again, as long as I treat myself ok.

but oh, abuse in the form of 46 oz margaritas sounds sublime..

I wouldnt care if it werent for the holidays coming up!

so anyway, I was tossed the on-call phone and binder on Thursday morning, 4 days ahead of schedule. I wanted to make a comment,to freak out- but decided that nothing good would come out of my mouth and that I will be more selective in my battles. I just didn't feel like getting worked up over it, even though its 4 DAYS extra and I WASNT EVEN ASKED- not even out of politness. If I had major plans, then oh yes, everyone would hear about it. indeed. Just tossed on my work desk with a note.

Oh, the "note" left for me regarding it irked me too. tacky- gah!


and one more on the communication front:
mad-cute guy I met quite awhile back has become clingy. Phones messages are becoming sappy/whiny. He is hotty hot cute- yet there isn't much backing it up at this point, like nothing we can relate on at all, so I am bored now. ho-hum. I know better than this.

distraction over. next?


and finally:

I might just get out and do some Christmas shopping today. I do not want to leave the house-- just chill and do some apartment maintenance stuff- and read and write out christmas cards, ect.. totally digging the house projects.

I really am in the mood for christmas cards. I need your addresses so I can stalk you send a card. hehe! Seriously, leave a post it. I can't believe how mnay peeps addys I do not know, even though I have been over. I could do some super sleuth drive bys. crazy!! Some I already know, as long as I don't invert the house numbers ( (e:leetee) )- and it goes somewhere so very different, ha! Some I ofcourse know where you live, but have no idea the actual address. Until recently I didn't even know dana's adrress. and (e:ldaycroft) you'll get one sent to your parents if I don't know your address!! :)

but what is making me eager to go shopping (SHHH I DID NOT JUST SAY THAT) is that I want to see wrapped gifts under my tree. (e:pyrcedgrrl) has lots of gifts under her tree (a good percentage for ME ME ME right?!) and it looks pretty. sparkly. christmasy.

and since I am trying to get into the holiday mood-- this may actually help.

oh and I have a slew of last years gift cards to use-- so while I am buying for others, I will finally buy for me :) I have immediate tangible reinforcers built into this plan. especially since it is a saturday-- getting very close to christmas.

AND I thought while i am out, I can grab cookie making ingredients. First i need to find recipes- with pictures. (Yes i need pictures, shut up.)

anyone who wants to make cookies this evening, come on over.

or maybe I will go out anways, on call phone and binder in tow.

I do not know. gah! But I need some socializing before I start hoping for more phantom phone calls.


OOOOOH LOOK:

maybe I will do THAT. Now that might be wicked cool-- then have some hot cocoa afterwards-- sans Baileys :(

hehe, or maybe just a wee little..





b tw, new user song, The Fray- How to Save a Life.

nice sound, I am digging them at the moment.

Earlier I wacked my little crooked pinky finger- don't recall exactly how I did it-- but it got cut and bruised. Bruised! It takes a lot for me to bruise, so i must have got it pretty hard. It is directly on the knuckle, ouchy!


I still havent gone down to my basement yet. I would have if it had been still light outside when I needed to go down there. Even though I can turn on lights and stuff, I am still super creeped out. It is like there are monsters under my bed.. and boogy men in my closet and EVIL CLOWNS, MONKIES AND BABIES in my basement!!!!!!!!!!

or not.

OR mayber there is..

SO I grabbbed some clothes before heading back into B-Lo. I had everything I needed except for socks. I had lots of socks inthe basement, where all of my clean clothes are.

I was not going down there, when its dark outside and my imagination is running rampant.

so I left the apartment without socks,

and I stopped at Target and bought two nice pairs of black dress socks.


My imagination may keep me from going into my basement, but it wont keep me from keeping my tootsies warms.


AH, WHile I was there.. I keep forgetting to buy a blush brush.

My cat Joe is fascinated with blush brushes. I may have mentioned this once or ten times before. He has managed to steal quite a few throughout his existence. He occasionally receives them now as gifts. Traditional cat toys? not him. SO over the weekend, I washed my large nice one- and I put it up and away and did not think he would be able to get to it-- or even know to look for it.

but he found it.

and now it is gone-- can't find it anywhere-- and its a long handled floofy brush.

booger. I better hope my fresh pink cheeked complexion returns by morning. I continue to feel better, btw-- still had not tuned into anything.If I begin to feel sick at work again and get progressively worse by the weeks end (like last weeks progression), then I will have to wonder if I am not just sick of work ;)

work allergies, thats real, right?

My hopes were shattered.. (e:joshua) , I went to Timmy HOs today and I DID NOT get a key chain. I did however, get a medium black coffee and also splurged on a small "buttercaramel smoothee" (hot sugar water). Extreme ends of the flavor spectrum.. gave me the boost I needed to get through the day.

been sleeping (almost) 10 hours (a night for the past few nights).. still not quite feeling right..

feel achy tonight. slight fever now too.

Damn germs are evrywhere!!! Maybe I can fend it off for good-- more sleep, rest and no craziness, if I can help it. Might need to just bury myself under the covers for a couple of days. I am actually calling in sick. That just feels soooooo weird. I do not like it. I was going to wait until the morning, but I know I would just get up and go to work.. and I would get through the day.. and continue to wear myself out and perpetuate the feel slightly better/feel a whole lot worse cycle.

And I feel mentally bad too. icky

I eat more when I am icky feeling. I think it is some attempt to boost happy neurtransmitters. Like all week, its insane

Ever stop and have this fear that all that you are, all that you believe yourself to be, all that you think you can do and will do is ALL ONE BIG FAT LIE?

Like if you stop and really contemplate the gravity of such a thought, then you know your world could very much come crumbling down around you?

that thought crossed my mind two days ago, and I have been perseverating on it ever since. Not so much a good thing- -yet good in other ways.

I don't feel like being positive right now. Fever is good for me. But i have so mcuh to get right, to fix, to figure out, to let go and to go after..

once the whirling stops, I have to focus, find direction and meaning- -and some semblance of having control again. I let it spin away from me. bad me.

I feel like flat pop.

but just for now.

fever is talking.
going to sleep myself better. (e:vincent) it really was a perfect night for a walk.. I just got your message-- phone was on silent :(