BING
BING BING BING BOING BOING BING!!

I have so much energy I do not know what to do with myself.

I woke up on the right side of the bed.

Mental clarity

Patience

problem solving

wit

laughing- cracking myself up and others.

racing thoughts

feeling pleasant- not a drop of annoyance

talking a million miles a minute if there were such a thing--full of enthusiasm, energy, elation, creativity, risk taking and I suppose, strangely, a sense of calm.



I FEEL LIKE MYSELF!

Please don't go away- its been so many weeks--

I am never quite in a "bad mood". My "down" or "blah" is just about everyone elses "normal".

I am usually
UP
up
up

Not annoyingly cheerful-- just delightful obnoxious.

heh, not, "looks like somebody has a case of the mondays" cheerful

more like, Carey's a nut. try to keep up.

A sstate of mind and being that many people have to pay for.

I think the 'dip" down is job related.. and finishing school.. and not having a transition fom one to the other. Not complaining for I am very grateful.. But thinking over the time line-- 8 weeks.. I ve been running on mediocre. Again, my feeling of 'down' is everyones 'normal'.. other peoples 'high' is my normal-- which is how I feel today. My 'high' is well, bliss.

.. yet I have been in a flux, and unbalance, feeling my creativity and energy sucked out of me through a vortex (i like that word) of unsatisfying employment and feeling in general that I need to be doing "more" not feeling like I have a place

can't quite say unsatisfying. I dig certain elelments of it.. The chaos, the change, the tearing down and rebuilding..

but not the nit picking details

not the thousands of "everything needs immediate attention"

not the abuse and exploitation of my beloved staff/employees who are rightfully scared of the the changes, the long history of mistrust (that I have stepped into) and that they are working on getting over. I will go to battle for them.. and I have

but its hard to be assertive while you are still fresh and learning.

But I have a voice, and I am asserting it.. not sure what reputation I am building.. I am doing it for the greater good, not for me. It isn't about me.

overheard people talking about me.. "what a mess she was thrown into.. Im glad she is here.. she is actually nice and fun"

really? I feel like I have been so.. blah..

no wonders i made some people choke with laughter today.. they got to see ME. Which was nice.. noticed how it energized others. hmmm

I am scattered in my writing.. My thoughts are clearer than this, but I can't type fast enough and I need to be doing something to calm my brain down.. BOING BPINBG BOING

I should be writing-- really writing, painitng, drawing, scaling a mountain, jumping on a plane and going.. somewhere.

my muse is around corner, i just don't knwo what or where..

I had received this from my AUnt/Uncle as part of a graduation gift, which I have on my desk at work, a small but super heavy metal block that asks,

"what would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?"

well, what woudl you do??

If I can answer that, I will know my next step.

I needed today, a return to 'me' to remind myself of this question.

remember, anything is possible.. nothing is impossible

if you can, play hookey today!!!

damn gorgeous out. I won't be home untl dark, but atleast I am outside on my lunch.

started the day off extra early by stopping at the Orange Cat before making my way out to work. I grabbed some tea in
both iced and hot forms then ran into a friend I hadn't seen in awhile, Stiffler. He had a super soft retreiver puppy with him..sunshine,friends,puppies..not a bad way to start the day!

I want be outside all day! alas, I cannot..maybe a night walk will be indulged later...

enjoy the day, peeps..get out into the sunshine. you know who you are.

ooh, 'Heroes' is on tonight, bonus!

Random thoughts and pcitures to go with them. No particular order. I'll add more over the course of the day, so stay tuned.

Our first night in the city, (e:pyrcedgrrl) and I wandered into China town. I was a bit disappointed with the excessive commercialism of China Town. All of the little shops were carrying the *exact* same items and the merchants were all using the same tactics- "wanna buy a (watch, purse, scarf, parfum, shoes,)"etc. I did see some sparkly hair clips- but I didn't buy any. Actually, I was easily bored with the merchant scene. Toronto has a better selection and better prices.

What I wanted was to talk to people, watch them, interact etc. And see some cool stuff- not see the same shoes and be harassed with the same words basicially asking us to buy their crap. I did enjoy just walking past/ignore people when they tried to stop me.

(e:pyrcedgrrl) and I continued to walk around and jump on the subway. She was in charge of the map, as I, well, rely on my great sense of direction. haha.

Little Italy was essentially the same as China Town. Who knew Italy and China were so close? ;)

I gave directions multiple times and mananged to know where to send the person. I was fitting right in.

AFter walking around all evening and building up quite an appetite, I had to have lo mein. Figured the greasy/salty stuff was the perfect sustenance I needed. I also needed to order fried dumplings as I never had them before and they smelled yummy.

This didn't look so yummy:



If I had to look at that all of the time, I would probably never eat meat. I only ever deal with the end product- so it doesn't gross me out. However, if I had to go track down a chicken and kill it just to feed myself, I doubt I would bother.

I also ordered some General Tsao's. :)

As my phone/camera froze shortly after Teany, I didn't have anything to take pictures wth, so all of these following pictures cames from (e:pyrcedgrrls)'s camera.

A few more pictures from Teany



heading to China Town


I was most amused with my encounters with people. I dropped something, someone quickly picked it up. Twice I was timed out of my entance into the subway. The first time, a gentleman used his card for me and said that he would wait- proceed to next subway entance to get in. All I needed to do was wait seven minutes on the side..but he used his card anyways. Then this occured the next day as well, and pretty much the same thing happened. Very helpful and appreciated.
Then I was amused with the flirtations throughout the days. I wasnt thinking about any of that, but it happens, so ofcourse I will flirt back. nice distractions. cute cute cute, lots of cute men.


ok, so another picture of my tea.
My Green Sea Anenome tea; or as (e:jenks) called it, "tea anenome". It was tasty-I bought extra. I'll be sure to order more when I run out. (e:matthew) you do not have to put a lock on your aquarium quite yet ;)












My and aunt and uncle have property in the city. The have an apartment on 72 (or maybe its 77th) which is hers and a studio-loft in Greenich Village, which is his and he only uses maybe once a week. The are both artists as is most of my family. They have together, a place in the country- an hour or so outside of the city, which they usually stay at. I was given keys to the studio. VERY COOL, and that is where we stayed. I didn't take pictures of the interior. As imagined, it has super high ceilings, big windows, lots of floor and wall space that is filled with various artwork. Then there is a small kitchen, bathroom and bed area.

My aunt and uncle wanted to see us on one of the evenings and take us out for dinner. We went to a very nice italian place, where they seated us next to a fire place- perfect for the cold windy evening. After dinner was over, I was ready to do more exploring. I wanted to see more of the city, and thought, what better place to see it than from the vantage point of the Empire State building- at 10:00 at night? I didn't want to do anything "touristy" exactly- but even if I lived in NYC, I would make it a regular occurance to head up to the 86th or 102nd floor to take in the view of all directions of the city. I am a very visual person and this was perfect. OOOH I need a camera!!!!!!
It was crazy windy- I had on so many layers, it was hilarious to see myself in a mirror. I didn't want to wear a jacket- I had one, I just didn't want to wear it. So four shirts, a tank top, a sweater, a hoody, hat and scarf completed the look. Oh, also, leggings, hunting socks, regular socks and jeans. I was HAWT. well, fairly toasty.

trying not to get blown off the edge..


We tried several times to get a picture of ourselves, but it was so windy we were off balance..finally got it!


a view or two..





Since Times Square was so close, we proceeded to walk down Broadway to check out the scene. This was definitley a tourist area. However, since we were sooooo close, and it had been awhile, it was fun to go check it out.


Across the street from the studio loft we stayed at is Washington Park:





A movie is being filmed in the park. All of the lights, wires and "character placememnt" tape gave that away. I only recall one of the characters, "Flamey" written down.

we jupmed on and off this a lot. We bought metro cards and just went wherever we wanted.


It was open, but I (we) didn't dare go inside it. I would have been broke on the spot. We also spotted a Lush store- but we usually go to T.O. for that.


uh, Dana, take a picture of that please:

I'd have to get that Lamborghini out on the open road.

oh, found some more (this is a disorganized post!)
Background: I have several "dork pose" pics. This is one of many- which I will spare you from the others. Carey strikes a dork pose with various backgrounds- emp state building, times square.. etc. Other people were taking pictures of me!


The entrances were manned by super hot guards carrying machine guns. Dana failed to get a picture of *that* !








For extra money we could have rented "Tony the Cab drivers" audio tour of the city from the Empire STate building. We both declined the 10$ charge to carry around a walkman.

Seriously amazing view. One of the cute guard guys sans huge weapons chatted with us about the city- and proceeded to give us a "tour" ooh lala cuteness and accent-- he is from Morocco

I am supposed to go back in the near future. There is one leg of the trip that I knew I wouldnt be able to squeek in, and thats meeting some people from NYU. Just to talk-network- etc. Its one of those, "I know people who knows people" who knows that we should actually meet for lunch or somehting. So on a subsequent trip, I am supposed to do this. Again, no basis, just a meeting. I intend to have a camera by then, in which I will scour the boroughs for photos to take. I am very intrigued by the whole area- more so than I have ever been in the past. I wouldnt know where to begin. I would like to go when it is snowy outside. My Moroccan friend would be happy to give me an extended tour..

Long train ride home, sans cock roaches this time. We danced and sang in our seats. Not sure if we annoyed anyone- but it was a long ride and both of us were antsy. I ate a lot- and since I could barely sleep, there wasnt much else to do. And so, I enjoyed my Spelt cakes. I thought they were SPELT-astic, SPELT-errific, SPELT-acular. Dana just made fun of me and my spelt cakes.


she just had spelt-envy.

Views from the train going to NYC. Various pictures from the train (taken with the cell phone). Not sure where we were at for most of these. It was nice to see New York from the train perspective. I would love to be able to stop and take pictures- there were some spectacular views along the way!



























I didn't take many photos after my phone froze. I was quite bummed after that, as I wanted to upload this next photo the moment after I took it. This little shop is located just off of Rivington. For (e:paul) and (e:mike) der, who else? ;)



From the courtyard of the studio loft we stayed at. I still have the keys, hehe. This one is crappy, now that I look at it. I have more pics to post soon..



sup, playa? If you have read any of my journals before this, my grungy and very well broken in and super comfy hoody shows up- a lot. Well, I lived in my 'Unibomber hoody' (as it is affectionately known as) pretty much the whole weekedn, with numerous layers of clothing underneath. (e:pyrcedgrrl) teased me for wearing it since in small letters on the hood says, "NYC". She claims that wearing it to NY is like wearing a bandshirt to the concert. I just gave her the finger.


I couldn't read much on the way there as the ride was a bit bumpy and I would have vomited. I was able to read a little while on breaks/stops/delays. This is what I brought with me. I also took pictures of other stuff while bored. I will spare you the multiple pictures of myself and the pictures of the pile of travel pillows I managed to procure- well, before the Pillow Nazi took them from me.


From one train car to the other.


I bought Coach Class seating tickets. Apparently I was mistaken, as we instead got settled in Roach Class seating. Although Mr and Mrs Cockroach were willing to share their seats with us, we moved to another section as soon as we could. ick! The babies were frolicking on the window ledge. Mom and Dad were meandering in and out of the holes of the grate.

The train cars coming back were significantly nicer- no roaches in sight. I don't think I had ever seen one before until then.

Unless otherwise explicitly stated, "sleeping with someone for five months naked" does not make it a relationship; romantic kind, filler kind, any kind.

If you are not sure, ask. If your still not sure after that, then that should be your answer. There are messages in what isn't said as well as what is said out loud. And if you are still not sure and find it necessary to track them down in a community blog (or worse, find a friend to do it) then that should make you start asking a whole new set of questions, ones about yourself.

I am not sure why this annoyed me today, but the uncalled-for-drama that I noticed in the chat this morning had me thinking about this on and off all day. I suppose for various reasons..

Ofcourse I don't know the details, I only know that an issue (if there even is one) was brought up publicly and in a stalkeresque manner. Join the site- have plenty to say in the chat, but no blog? hmmmm.. Shameful.

And even if everything about the situation is 'valid'- why the fuck find that person here and harass them???? This is not the place and what purpose does it really serve? Find an AOL chat room for that.

Whatever case you may have had- I think you lost it.

"he told her awhile ago that he was confused about wanting to be with her"
Damn, I think that is admirably honest of him. I know I have behaved in less than stellar manner in the past.

"and now he is trying to meet new people on the same night"

so?? Although I don't jump into the chat much, most of the peeps are quite friendly, (e:vycious) included--and not just last night. Why not meet new people? Maybe that will help the 'confusion'. Maybe it isn't anyones business who he, we, any of us meet.

Yes, abnd here I am ranting about someone elses business- about stuff I don't really know about..

but atleast it is in a blog.

I am dealing with a stalker or two of my own. Fortunately they havent found me online or sent a friend to harass me. I am not sure what I would do at that point- especially if they found me here, in my community. Maybe my stalkers are a bit more mature, heh.

ok, flame away..