John malkovich has strange eyes- not a bad thing--he has an interesting energy about him in Amadeus- I was a kid when that movie came out, and I thought the same thing then.

Its a bit chilly out there, yes? such wet darkness, makes me sleepy.

Curling up in front of the fireplace with a soft blanket and a glass of red wine sounds so good right now.

but I am too tired to make it happen.

But doesn't it sound nice?

• yawn* literally, a super long day at work; it started too early and ended too late-- I think I may just go to bed instead..

..will have to save wine and fireside ruminations for another night.

I dreampt about evil kittens and purple squirrels.

They were frolicking in the back yard of the house I grew up in. I kept picking them up and putting them down; then I determined at some point in my dream that the kittens weren't *really* evil. After scooping up a couple of them and walking through the yard, I found the purple sugar glider. They look good in purple!!

Not sure what that was all about..


Then, my dream proceeded to a little reunion with my recent college classmates. In my dream, two members had become engaged..or something.. whatever it was, they were now 'together'.

and I was envious or jealous or something that made me uncomfortable to know that they were now deeply involved.

While I was sleeping I analyzed my dream, well, I analyzed myself as though it had really happened (while in my dream)

I couldn't figure out why. I didn't want him, I have no ill feelings towards her.. I am not one to be jealous-- as anything I want I work for. And so I was confused in my dream as to why i felt this way.

And oddly, in my dream, I began to try to figure it out.

In my dream, I determined that my envy stemmed from the knowledge that these two people, as with everyone in the cohort, worked so hard together and went through so much for so long, that a bond was formed between us. For two people to get together romantically, it was with the ability to get through two years of high level stress and challenges-- not, oh you're cute, lets hook up-- be on best behavior and be deluded into liking someone/being liked. No, this was getting through some rough shit and having each others back no matter how insane it got. During this program, you could not be 'on your best behavior'- who you are comes out quickly-- and then you grow...its crazy..

And that is what made me feel envious-- that they got together in the way that I would (apparently) want to be with someone-- being able to work on stuff together, to work towards something, to get through the stressful moments and still be going strong through it all. To have a mutual undertsanding of hard work, making goals a reality, pursuiing something with passion.. and being able to share that.

Did I know this before now? maybe had an inclination.. but I don't pursue a "relationship".. I meet people and can figure out real quick what they will be to me. On a rare occasion I am truly interested..
I am much more apt to pursue a temporary "not likely candidate" source of amusement. This past year I have been trying to keep away from that. Its been hard at times.. REALLY hard.. I could toss that thinking all away..

Anyway, no wonders I have discerning tastes. Its not so much being picky as it is that I wont settle for less than what I need and what I can offer- in regards to "relationships". "Temporary amusements"-- those with "expiration dates" don't count--as not much thought goes into all that-- just a different set of standards, heh.

In the discerning tastes-- I refer to the more indepth thought process that goes into deciding if I am going to allow someone into my life. Thats a big thing.. In the meantime, just snap shots..

I enjoy life, I like working on things-- working towards things.. I reach a goal and keep going. I learned a long time ago not to sweat the small stuff-- if it isn't going to kill me or disrespect me, than I am totally laid back about the matter. However, I know that if I want soemthing, want meaning, want to feel alive and happy-- then that is all on me-- only I am accountable for that.

so thats that :)

I have been writing without concern for grammar or spelling-- not like I ever really do.. but I think i have been overcompensating as my work writing has to be perfect- specific and very clear.

here, I just run my fingers over the key board and hope for the best :)

p.s. for my own notes.. stalker dude continues to try to make contact. Three phone calls this month. 26 months later. wtf?

p.s.s you only need a SMALL amount of green curry paste when mixing it in with your jasmine rice, bean sprouts, broccoli and coconut milk. Just a little.. haha

all by mmmmyysellllf...
i'm sitting here in buffalo,
all by mmmmyyselllf............

hmmmm, maybe I will take a bath.. a few minutes of relaxing would be good for me; there is so much going on in my job-- good thing I kinda gravitate towards the sticky/chaotic situations.

now the challenge is to let my mind rest..

ooh, I hear someone, is this friend or foe...????

"Heroes" is on tonight; think I just might watch some tv! Is this the first episode? or has it been on? Suppose, I'll find out if I tune in at 9pm.

I'd really like to catch up/rent all of Greys Anatomy- I have enjoyed the few episodes that I remembered to watch. I usually don't watch anything as I rarely remember to watch it, or I don't feel like watching tv or I just don't like being forced to continur to watch something week to week. Usually i prefer instant gratification- where once I choose to watch somethiing it is over 30 to 60 minutes later; a nice clean break. I don't have to tune in again if I don't want to. Law and Order, Roseanne andf Will and Grace re runs is perfect for me. These dramas that go on week after week? too much effort. Suppose I have a bit of a commitment phobia-- not sure if I can handle a television relationship.

But then, maybe it can't hurt to tune in once in awhile.. see if there is something out there that I may really like and am willing to remember to watch every week. Maybe get some use out of my VCR, haha.. now thats pushing it.

Anything really good on tv?

Wonder how this "Heroes" is/will be?

I'll find out in less than an hour.

update: Heroes was pretty damn cool-- I like the fantasy element of this show- pure escapism with a tiny wist of realism. I have a creative imagination and enjoy suspending disbelief as I choose. Its fun to jump into a world of make belief. This show just might do it for me. Now, if I just remember to watch..

Not quite used to my schedule.. getting in closer to 7 pm, rather than shortly after 4. On a positive note, it kinda works better with my sleep/wake schedule-- but it is seriouly weird to be sitting here and realizing that it is 8 pm already. Oh well..

keeps me out of trouble.

later gators

j'adore musique!

Thought I would turn in early tonight..

until I decided that I need to add songs to my iPod.

which I am sure you know..once you start, it is hard to stop. A few hours later and just minutes before my usual bedtime, I am done. -- or atleast I am forcing myself to be done.

Added a bunch of classical (bach, mozart, chopin, beethoven) which I have been really into lately- have always been a fan but the past few says it is all I have really wanted to hear. Also downloaded some Frou Frou, Herb Albert, Trans Siberian Orchesta, Arielle Dombasle (french singer), a few singles of songs of the past; ie, blu cantell, escape club, mmmm maybe more. My music tastes are eclectic. I dig a whole lot of music, minus just about all country. yuck. But I have an open mind and am always adding to my auditory experiences..

miss arielle. I like her website:




P.S. Anyone see the commercial for Trivial Pursuit 80's ?? It has a whole bunch of actors/actresses from that time (Kelly Lebrock, Cory Feldman, Tiffany, The Hulk, etc.. ). Here is a little bit of it:
From Cyndi Lauper website as she directed the commercial:
Good night!
Bon Nuit!