What a bewitching time of day, 5:38am.

I'm awake. I mean really. I'm tired but after I make some coffee, I'll be set. This is the world for me all filled with trucks beeping an account of their backing up, and cars going home from their one night stands, very quickly.

I have two hard weeks left.

In the course of one night I had two friends/whatever's, girls that is . . . that is to say two girls, tell me that "the ball's in my court" and that I should call them when I have time because they know I'm busy. One of them got a first hand look and still is asking what I'm doing this evening.

ah Jesus. Come on people.

If I wanted to really hang out I would make a concerted effort. That's where everyone is wrong. Yes, I am busy. Yes I would like to hang out. But no, I do not feel like giving my time to you, right now, but rather only when I have an abundance. Do I have to say it? Isn't it obvious?

I don't have time for you now because I don't want to have time for you now. Real sorry. Stop the guilt trips, I know where the ball is. You're passive aggressivenes makes you very ugly to me and no, I don't want to sleep with that.

I'll be at Spot trying to finish a book for the rest of the weekend and all throughout August. That is with the exception of tonight wherein later on, I will be at a certain bar after stopping at a certain coffee shop. This, I am greatly looking forward to.

To Springfaerie, real quick, I haven't read shit, but what I do read is completely consistant of what I like to write, if that shed's any light. Although I'd like to, I'm not going to be picking up Gone With the Wind any time soon.

Incidentally, if anyone knows of a free trial program that will allow me to record voice and a song here and there on a two to four track system, please let me know where I can get my hands on that. I thank you epeeps.

To all you pseudo doctors or medical enthusiasts out there, I have a favor to ask.

How long can a man (or a stickboy) function on less than three hours of sleep a night before extreme mental and physical collapse is achieved. I don't want to get there. It would take way too much time to make my way back into the realm of reality.

So someone must know of a study, or something they heard, or something. I would verily appreciate the info as I have to do so many other things in the next eight days.

Incidentally, in class this morning after artificially keeping myself coherent for the majority of the night, I began to shudder and shake and have severe anxiousness which made me look like some guy who was a full moon away from becoming a werewolf. It was extremely uncomfortable, especially to that pristine girl to my left who heard me sigh and moan, moving because I have to, not because I want to.

Then again, I might be a werewolf.

Any info on if I might be a werewolf would be appreciated as well.

I asked myself the other day if anyone deserves to die. I then talked myself out of the entire premise seeing as though no one deserves anything.

But then I'm at Pano's enjoying my third cup of coffee of the hour and an overly decorated cheesecake, desperately trying to prolong the morning. I'm reading Crime and Punishment, Dostoyevsky. The thought above is still in my head when I read this line:

"Of course she doesn't deserve to live," the officer observed, "But then that's nature."

I've convinced myself that coincidences are as common to me as that drop of rain hitting the gutter in perfect time I hear right now, but that one . . . thinking that then reading that did so mess with my mind and I now feel anxious. The reason why I asked the question above at all is yet to be explored, but I'll dive in that one day. Now for some over the counter pick me ups . . .

Incidentally, I'm seriously toying with my threshold in which, of course, lies my feeble attempt to block any desire to just let the absurdity get to me for once and for all.

Half of you are sleeping. Half of you are curious. Half of you are scared at what will happen. And the fourth half of you don't give a shit.

I like you guys, did I ever tell you that . . .

And as Bob once said . . . in Jersey anything's legal, as long as you don't get caught.

stay tuned . . .

click.

I'd like to propose a toast.

To the girl in the deli right by my house who had me stammering over my order because of the simple way she smirked and smiled while she wrote down on a pad, so eloquently, so full of passion - md. turkey w/let, tom, prov n mayo.

Ah it made my hour.

I shall return to see if we'll still have that intensity I just described. I probably won't do it for a week or two, to keep her guessing of course. I'll eventually learn her name. Her Dad will joke with me about using cell phones. Then, after about three months, I'll say let's cut the ham sandwich girl, and like Bruce Springsteen in Asbury Park I'll say, "Tie up your apron bebe. You're coming with me."

Then she'll say something about how her favorite book is something J.K. Rowling wrote, and I'll sigh. We'll do it for maybe three months, but that one nagging notion will be present with every ass grab, every too loud moan, every time she says, please, can we shut off the lights.

But you're beautiful bebe and I's wants to see dat.

Nah, I don't think so.

Well okay.

It'll come to pass that I loved her immensely whilst she made sandwiches. But even I am willing to prolong what I understand to be the potential for disaster.

There's always subway now isn't there.

So I did the movie thing. They need better questions, but . . .

Looks like I'd be in Fight Club too.

There's a fucking shocker, huh.