I'm pissed off because I haven't had a truly disturbing, metaphorical dream in which I'm about to die, in at least a month. About last year at this time, forget it, it was nightly. And they were good. The good ones turned out to be tattoo's on my arms. Maybe that's it. Maybe I'm pining for another tattoo, but I have no horrifying symbolic dreams to interpret. Damn.

That Tears for Fears song is true though, "I think it's kind of funny, I think it's kind of sad, the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had."

If you've ever came face to face with a 40 foot tidal wave about to drop on you, you know how alive you feel in your sleep. I can't describe the feeling.

God I miss those days.

Well . . . there's always tonight.

Is it truly possible to be with one person and be completely satisfied? I would think that when you find a someone and you both click like the snap of a shutter, well then, why wouldn't it work? But then what if you find people you come across who are interesting, but the only click you hear is them actually taking pictures. What do you do?

Knowing full well that, yes, this might be fun, but ultimately, it won't be the storybook romance you think will eventually happen, do you ride out that boat until you see the one you're supposed to be on? Well then what us that point of dating? It definitely befuddles the mind.
I like you.
Okay.
Let's go out.
Okay.
We're okay together.
Okay.
What's wrong.
It's okay.

I can't do okay, this I have realized. But do you do okay until you trip over amazing?

Has anyone seen amazing around?

And don't say everyone is, because it's all a matter of perspective.

And where does "good" come into play?

Yeah it's working or I'm working. My head still kills me. I apologize for the obscenities but really, when you wake up in a stupor, the only words that come to your mouth are shit and fuck. And fuckshit. And damnit fuck.

okay, once more into the breach dear friends, once more.

I will say this - I WILL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN.

I HOPE.

oh boy. Ow.

And proper drunk I did get. Wow I'm a mess. MY fucking, fuck, fuckshit, ass, fuck, head hurts, fuck.

And I have work to do. A LOT OF WORK TO DO. OW. Bullshit. Fuck. Damnit fuck shit.

ah fuck.

shit.

fuck.

Aspirin. Yes aspirin. Fuck.

I don't think I'm getting my point across - I'm in pain. Okay, talk to you later.

fuck.

Ow.

The gathering was impressive I have to say. And this from a skeptic of the current state of protests. But really. It felt good to be there. It almost made me believe that things are about to change.

Paul, Terry and Emily pretty much summed up the day. To be honest, this has been an odd day all filled with massive realizations about myself which started at 8:11 in the morning after I woke up from the fifth alarm I set. Here it is.

I live in squalor and I don't mind.

But I realize that this might be why I'm off. My motivation is shit and if I think I'm more tired than I've ever been in my life. You know what, this is to much to get into right now.

I need a drink. I'll be doing the allentown circuit if anyone's out and about. I might just really dedicate myself to getting proper drunk tonight, so I apologize in advance to all.

I do this because I can, and therein lies my issue . . . or at least the start of it . . .