So, how about those, Sabres, Huh! Hopefully, they can keep up the momentum and not stink up the show, like a certain football! Let's see, yesterday I got a gift from one of my favourite customers. She brought me back bracelets from Yemen. I had a hell of a time getting them on because I have borderline Man-hands (thank you, dad!), but I prevailed and they look really nice. They're staying on until I can't take it any more. Got to go. Have a peach of a day, especially considering that it's absolutely gorgeous outside!

Hockey Starts Today! Go SABRES!!!!

I drive myself crazy with the thoughts that run round in my head. They never stop. What doesn’t help is that I have a memory that remembers far too much and forgets far too little. And what it does forget are things that I probably ought to remember but can’t because there’s too much other crap stuffed in there! I think what compounds the problem is that I’m emotional. I was reading a research article that links thoughts to emotions- with every thought there is an emotion. I have a theory of my own about myself that is because I feel everything so keenly, it causes me to remember everything so keenly. I wonder if there is a way to convert this to teaching myself French? Or to remember all of those historical facts I was exposed to in my four years of undergrad? Of course, if they were Simpsons’ quotes, or movie lines, or song lyrics, I wouldn’t have any problem. Or if they were mixed in with slights- real or imagines- that I have received over the course of my lifetime (those from the opposite sex stand out particularly well.)?

I am a bleeding ball of insecurities wrapped up in a five foot two, blonde haired, blue- eyed package that disguises it all rather nicely under cheerfulness or disdain. I am haughty, jealous, bitchy, mean, nasty, cutting, vindictive, possessive. I am loving, loyal, kind, generous, talented, silly, romantic, honest, cheerful, caring. I am me and I have great dualities. I have this tendency to look at someone as “Mine!” and I get horribly jealous. I don’t know why. I’ve always been this way, but those that truly know and truly love me know that there is nothing I wouldn’t do for them, that those I love, I love deeply. Of course, the flip side is, those that I hate, I hate deeply as well. Those that I hate the most were once ones I loved very deeply. I think there is only one on that particular list, however.
There go those dualities again.

Today, I am so moody, I can't stand myself. I hate when I get like this, but there isn't much I can do to snap out of it. And we're listening to Billie Holiday today, which was good when I used to mire myself in my misery. I don't like to do that anymore. I want to be my cheerful self. Damn my caprcious ways!

I never yearn to be a painter so much as when I drive home from school as the sun is setting. I can't describe the sheer, awesome beauty that I have seen over the past month as I have driven home. This evenings display was truly breathtaking. I wish I had a camera or sketch pad, but I really wished for the most was a some paint and canvases and a modicum of painting talent. The sky I saw tonight reminded of work that my friend, and former roommate in NYC, Heidi, is capable of doing. (e:Dimartiste) and (e:Trisha) know what I'm talking about. They've seen her work. And then I get frustrated that someone with that much talent is doing nothing with it. Probably as frustrated as (e:Dimartiste) gets with me over my writing. Anyway... Evenings like this, and there are a lot of them, I yearn to be a painter. I just wish you could all just look inside my head and see what I have seen. Then, perhaps, this post would make some sense.