I am one of the most tightly wound people I know. That being said, I am also one of the most impulsive people. I find it very hard to say no to what I think I want so that I actually give in to myself when I see, hear, feel something that I think I need because I can't get what I really want or need. I don't know what that is but I feel like it's just out of my grasp. Perhaps that elusive feeling will always be there, that supreme feeling of discontent. I am not a simple creature. Someone I know would negate that statement just because I made it, but he hasn't figured me out yet. I'm very tense, always tense. I'm so upright in manner, I know I must seem very Victorian. Time for a cartwheel, perhaps. Sorry, I must go. Adieu

AARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

She screams dramatically into Cyber Space, as there is nothing else that can be done.

I have a love affair with books. I also have a hate affair with books. I hate books where I can see so much of myself and my emotions splayed across the pages. There was one book that dreadfully broke my heart. I was still raw, you see, from an old wound, and I saw so much of myself in the heroine that it seemed as though all of my hopes and dreams were wound up in this character. By the end of the book, I was haunted by the injustice of it all, literally in tears and avoiding sleep. One stupid novel had ripped open my poor brutalized heart and the ache was more than I could bear. I couldn't sleep for I knew what would be waiting for me and that was more than I could bear. Today's book, a book I had to read for my English lit class, was not the tragedy of that last tale. It ended happily, as I believe all tales should end because life is brutal enough. Books are to be an escape away from all of that. At least, in my view. I found myself dangerously close to tears, although truth be told, I have been dangerously close to tears all day brought on by the memory of Sept. 11, 2001, the tragedy of New Orleans, the beauty of a baby girl being christened this morning- all things that had me tearing up. I suspect hormones has something to do with it as well. But for those books- that, I believe is unrelated, and now I am left feeling distinctly unsatisfied, which is a feeling that I generally try my hardest to keep at bay, but it's always hovering in the background, waiting illicitly for my weaker moments. Lately, those seem to be getting closer and closer. I don't like that at all. Maudlin thoughts surround me. I have to go. School works beckon to me.

I hate that feeling of being out of the loop, but I suspect I will just have to get used to it. I should be used to it, with various groups and at various times of my life I am the one out of the loop. I suppose it represents a lesson I must learn or something. Apparently, I am too thick skulled to get it through my dumb blonde head.

Well, much as I would have loved to have been at the (e:Ladycroft) birthday extravaganza, I had a prior engagement this evening. My dear friend, Marilyn, whom I worked with for quite a few years at the Disney Store, got married this evening at 6 P.M. Their story is quite sweet, actually. She and her now husband, Darrin, used to date when they were in their late teens early 20's and then went their separate ways. He got married, she had her own life. They lost track of each other. Then he got divorced and one day, when she was working at Disney, he happened to walk by and spotted her there and the rest is history. They were both so happy, I can't help but smile. They had a Disney themed wedding, apropos as it was Disney that brought them together again. Originally, they were planning on getting married dressed as Beauty and the Beast, but they nixed that idea. Instead, all of their attendants were dressed as various Disney characters. Darrin had on a Mickey tie and she had on a lovely wedding gown. It was a lovely day and I am now very happily tired. Off to Bedfordshire for me. Ciao.