I am in a bit of a conundrum. Actually, it's not a conundrum so much as it is trying to figure out how I feel about whom and what I want to happen next. I think I know but perhaps not.

They're both kind in their own way and brilliant in their own way. The one is a deep, sensitive soul and the other is deep but he keeps me at bay. The one is here, physically, in town while the other is away, lives in another city another state, but has family here so he comes home when he can. They're both enigmas but the one I think will let me get close enough to figure out the answer, the other, definitely not. But will the one call, that is the question? With the other, I know that if I need advice or someone to vent to, he is there, in his own way, and he gives me feed back when he can.

And the other, well, I've loved him for ages, despite that fact that he's a conservative Republican (GASP!). He is true to himself and is so intelligent that there are times when I feel completely inadequate around him. That is not his doing. It is my own inferiority complex that I try very hard to repress, but sometimes cannot.

And the one, well, I know that if he let's me in, I could love him, very much. There's just something there. I don't know- a kind of connection. Or maybe I'm crazy and there's no connection but when we kissed- it was electric. I don't ever remember feeling like that from just a very quick, but nice, kiss on the lips. But it was there.

I think that I would like to be very good friends with the other and see where it could lead to with the one. I just hope they let me!

Yes, yes yesterday was the Day of Days. My Trisha Kordos is gone forever and is now, quite happily, Mrs. Trisha Lehnen. Mrs. Trisha Lehnen. It seems surreal, not true, like "That can't be!", but as I had the immense honour and priviledge to have been chosen as her Maid of Honour, I know it to be true. I cried, although I tried very hard not to. Then I was sick, which I also tried very hard not to, but it was a necessary evil. As a result of the mysterious stomach ailment, I opted to not drink *GASP* and had the best frigging time! And I remember everything! It was a magical day and a phenomenal night and man, those e-peeps and Trisha made the damn party! TK, Terry, Sarah, Tina, and Chamille, along with our lover-ly bride, are dancing machines! But it was awsome.

Terry, Paul, and Matthew, thank you ever so much for letting me tag along with you. It actually was the perfect way to end the night and it kept me out of trouble.
Chamille, that was one hell of a conversation, and I feel very sad that I have just gotten to know such a fabulous woman and you're leaving! Frankly, that sucks, but I do wish you the absolute best of luck!

I woke up this morning and remembered Trisha sauntering down the aisle to Beethoven and I started to cry. A very real pain seared through my heart and I can't explain it. I think it was the beauty of the moment, coupled with something else, but I was crying nonetheless. She will not change, I know that, for she is and always will be Trisha, but I can't help but feeling that with her marriage, something HAS changed. I'm probably being stupid but one can't help how one feels. I love that girl with all of my heart. I have to go before I become a blubbering idiot.

Mrs. Lehnen. It sounds so weird. Probably about as weird as I said to her, "Your husband...". I was the first one to say that to her- "Your husband..." That's pretty cool!

Part Deux never arrived, unfortunately. Time is slip, slip, slipping away with each proverbial tick, with every every breath, every heart beat. Tomorrow is the Wedding. I can't believe it. I woke up in a state of shock as it hit me that Trisha and Paulnotpaul are getting married tomorrow! This time tomorrow, either Trisha or I will be hyperventilating. I'm not sure which is more likely, although as poor Trisha and Paul have been running around like chickens with their heads cut off, I don't know if it's hit her. I'm sure it has but it's just so surreal! Now, I have to go and finish painting my parents garage and then at noon get a manicure and pedicure so that my hands and feet look cute tomorrow. E-peeps out there, please pray to whatever creator you believe in that the weather is nice and sunny and that if it must rain, only rain in the morning and stop no later than 11! (I have a friend that always says to be specific when dealing with God/creator/universe/goddess otherwise the Deity has a tendency to give you exactly what you say you want/need and nothing more, or it turns around and bites you in the ass. The Supreme Being has a wicked sense of humour! So, I *AM* being VERY specific here!) Those of you that are attending the wedding of the E-Peep century, I will see you on the Dance floor! Hopefully the music is good!

Ciao!

This is probably going to be a two part post. The first part being about the Wedding. the Wedding has taken up my consciousness for the better part of a year and a half and I can't believe that as of Saturday, it will be over. So much hype, so much drama, so much planning, and so much prettiness and all will be over once my father, the ceremony officiant says, "I now pronounce you man and wife..." and then it's over. Then I must shift gears from this the Wedding to the other the Wedding, which will take place in February. I really don't know when I will be myself again or how I shall be once both are over and my life is back to normal but for the change in my friends' marital status and last names. I think that I shall go through wedding withdrawal far more than the brides if only because my whole existence has been in this mode for so long. Things to think about. Have to fly so part duex will have to wait until later.

It's a funny thing... I work in an office full of women. There are no men except for the financial advisor and he's only there for 2 days. As a result, we are pretty intune to each other. Yesterday, I was informed that it was extraordinarily obvious when my menstrual cycle is going to begin. Now, I've always known that the week before I turn into the queen bitch of the universe. I get so mean and snappish and nasty that I can't stand to be around myself. It kind of builds up to this big hormonal climax and then the period begins and I'm back to my sweet, seemingly normal self in a couple of days. Now, I know that my co-workers also know. It's funny because it happens so gradually, builds so slowly that I don't even notice what's going on until I either realize my own bitchiness and then look at the calendar and correlate, or someone else points it out to me and then I feel really bad. I don't know if there's anything I can do about it but if you think about it, there must be a reason for it as it's fairly universal, at least amongst the women I know, that just prior to the menstrual cycle beginning, we turn into emotional, hormonal nightmares! If you are female that that doesn't happen to, you don't know what you're missing! I haven't decided if you're lucky or not.