I got almost heartattact from my presentation in [inlink]u=soyeon&id=82[/inlink]the photo graduate seminar today. Yes, it was a very intensive critique course. As my acceptance was previsional, I got so nervous and scared while the class was going on. Also, I'm not familier with the photo faculity, they are not Media Study faculty whom I always talk, so it was more than twice scary situation. Well, I remembered that a photo MFA student told me last time.. "hey, Soyeon, don't tell me that I warned you" and finally I realized why he told me like that. Oh well.

Okay, after I got his email back, I was so scared so I had to talk to someone I know in the art department about the course everything.. She said.. don't worry and brought me to his office. So, I had a chance to talk to the professor. At the time he was very nice to me and everything what he said was totally make sense. Well, he saw some media students work, but it wasn't enough for graduate level and photo MFA students are very selective, they did all portfolio review but mine is not.. and he added "we won't kill you"

It was challenging to me.. should I back off..? I was thinking of that.. nope.. I can't. It's already started.. So.. I had to look at all my work for two days.. but.. I thought everything what I did wasn't good.. getting scared.. I selected some work I have made and put them together on a DV tape and I wrote about my concept and description everything because I knew I wouldn't talk very well in the class whatever.

I went to the class.. I felt that I'm totally an alien there. My audition started it..
After watching some my video and installation, performance.. they started asking me a lot of questions and they pointed out every single problems.. Wow. Even someone said one video I made 2 years ago was immature. I thought so too at the time, but I didn't realize it yesterday.. why.. why..

After all, the professor said, "you can stay in the class" I passed my audition.
Even though what he said was so blunt.. but.. he didn't kick me out of the class. God.. I got almost heartattact.. It was so intensive.. I thought I could be kicked out of the class from what they were talking about my work. I don't know I feel really weird about it.

I ran into the professor after the class outside of CFA.. and he came up to me..
"We didn't kill you.. it was just tough" Yeah, I can handle it.. it's good for me..
I can handle their critique.. I'm old enough.... everything is good for my work everything.. it's good.. I need it.. I need it. They gave me the direction what I have to do.. it is good..

Love Cycling...

who wants to run away from school with me..? come on to join me.
I'm already too stressed out about school.. :( I feel like I want to run away...
It would be great if I were on the train to go somewhere without stress..
Think.. Think... Internalize... Then, I might miss you... well, I miss you.

Tell me.. I have to take a bath right now..
Tell me.. Get off out of my computer.
Tell me.. Write about an abstarct idea of my thesis.
Tell me.. Don't listen to Radiohead right now.
Tell me.. Tell me.. Tell me..

I was up till 9 am this in the morning. I feel like I'm a magnet to my computer. Well, I was gonna write about my abstract idea of thesis. My video professor told me that I have to give it to him as soon as possible. Hum.. I'm being lazy again.. Just doing computer.. making something.. surfing internet whatsoever.

Well, while I was sitting in front of my computer, Robin logged on her AIM around 5 am this in the morning, so we chatted little while. She asked me if I want to go to Panos for breakfast. We started again. Last semester, we suddenly decided to go to panos in the middle of night sometimes. Well, as a night person, it is fun sometimes. So, Robin came over my house to pick me up around 6 am.

We went to Panos.. but they don't open till 7 am because it is Sunday. So we went to town house on Allan Street. Of course they didn't open by the time we got there. But we saw people in there and gave a sign "let us in" something like that.

It was okay.. but I felt little offened by a waiterass there actually. Well, it's morning and I stayed up all the night. I dressed up very comfortablely. I was putting my sandles at the time.. well, I felt very comfortable so I took off my shoes and sitting there. The waiterass came up to me.. "you should put on your shoes" Hum..
Okay.. I did at the time.. but while talking to Robin and I put off my shoes naturally again.. and the waiterass came to me again.. "you should really put on your shoes" with a serious face. I don't get it.... why..? Was I rude some point..?
I don't know..

But it was fun doing like that with Robin sometimes.

By the way.. I think I should let you know my Korean collection website too. Well it is linked from the my website.. but.. just in case.. Well, you can't open this website with firefox.. and if your web browser blocked pop-up window.. you can't open it either..

Here my Photo album and some collective stuff website..

www.cyworld.com/livingston.