Oneday at my place in Buffalo, a Korean friend of mine told me that if you yearn for somebody or something, you get feeling lonely and depressed. I was little questionable of that at the time but I agree with that right now.

Now, I miss warm weather and am getting depressed. I get cold very easily. People in Buffalo are telling me because I'm a tiny girl. Actually, my body temperature is very low that is told by my doctor in Korea. When I was a little girl, I got ill very easily. Now, I'm very okay but I can't stand with cold temperature. Well, people can ask me why I came here then. Hum.. actully, I like wearing jackets a lot.. that's why.. doesn't make sense..?

My house is very cold. It is included heat apartment but we can't control house temperature becasue my landload control it.
I think she is very nice but she is such a stingy. She often turns off one of my radiators although I don't have any radiator in my room. So, I've decided to move out after finishing my contract. I like my house but I can't be patient of cold anymore.

I wanted to be clam and to take easy for this year but... cold house makes me feel so bad again. So sad.

I miss my mom's house in Korea and everybody in Korea and it makes me feel so lonely again. There are always enough food and warm-hearted mind. I miss there a lot. I just want to be there right now. So, I called my mom and told her my situation here. She said.
"Move out right away" Well, go back to Amherst again..? I don't think so.

I'm just grumpy right now.

Yeah, I'm here at Paul's birthday party and I'm using his computer to upload my journal. Actually it is the first party of this year for me. Since I got back to Buffalo, I've been chilling out for myself because I was too relexed in Korea and it cause me to be like that.

There are a lot of people here for Paul's birthday. He said, he's just turned 27.. Wow. I wish I was 27. Anyway, happy birthday to Paul. I never had a class with him but finally I'm having a class with for this semester. Last class, he presented picutres that he got inspired for his work.
It was very good. I'm happy to have a class with him.

Well, I think I should get back his party now.

Paul

Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to you.

---

SJ

I've already been here in Korea about 10 days and it's christmas eve already here. I know christmas is the biggest holiday for western culture, but here in Korea it is like another valentine day. Well, some people buy gifts for their special friends, children or parents. Other than, it's really nothing special.

My plan for today is that I will go up to Seoul to see my friend to talk about website that I have to do. Then I will meet my best friends tonight for a drink. Well, my Mom said that she made a reservation restaurant for family dinner for Christmas. So, we are sort of celebrating Christmas. Hum.

I really didn't want to be in US for christmas because I feel so lonely although christmas is not my cultural holiday. Also every shops close for christmas as well. Here in Korea every shops open because it's the peak day to sell stuff for them.

Well, Merry Christmas all you guys.

Soyeon.

I've been writing a paper about a week now. But it doesn't seem to be done forever. I'm getting annoyed by that. Also I'm kind of floating around because I'm going back to Korea for this break in one week. WOW..

I talked to my youngest sister in London and she is kind of jealous of me. Well, she was in Korea for last Summer. I miss my sisters.
Also, I talked to my mom today too. She is happy that I'm going back soon.

So, that's why I can't concentrate on writing my paper for intro to critical theory.

I got some pictures from my youngest sister today..

Things are always changed quickly in human beings. It took me long time to understand, rather compromise with that. So, I'm trying to memorize everything what I like, what I love, but I keep forgetting it day by day. Then, on a insignificant day, suddenly everything comes up to me and swamp me into the irresistible yearning for the period of the youth.

Oneday, my co-worker, he told me over the phone that I have to see there are a lot of gradient colors between the white color and the black color in human beings. Even if something I think right went the wrong way, try not to be questioned or frustrated that is what he meant to me. Of course I was against with him like.."I DO NOT DO LIKE THAT." But he is right, and I'm still struggling to deal with the virtue of the middle path.

Autumn of the year in 2003 has almost gone. I loved Autumn in Korea, especially I loved November in Korea. People in Korea say that Autumn is for men and Spring is for women. Well, I think I'm not a woman then. hu~ There was a gingko tree behind my company, which was used to locate in the middle of downtown in Seoul before moving to the new building. The circumstance surrounded the old building seems always busy from many many high buildings, people and cars. There are a lot of planted gingko trees on the streets and they change their leaves to the yellow color in Autumn. It makes the busy city beautiful.

On a rainy day in November, I went out for a lunch with some of my co-workers and found out a gingko tree that was stood alone away from its friends behind my company. The tree was soaked by rain and lost a lot of leaves that scattered randomly on the street at the moment. It looks so lonely and poor, but it's beautiful that I told my co-workers at the time. One of my co-worker replied to me that I'm very romantic.

Hum, It hurts me a lot now.

-- One person who is quiet, Not harsh, - When alone like this, is beautiful

November 23, in Buffalo. SJ..