"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..." (and for the 9 trillionth time someone has now abused that quote...)



The fall. I hate it and I love it. I hate the fact that the days are getting shorter and the weather is getting colder and wetter. I love my nice long, hot days of summer. I do not like being cold. I do not like being cold AND wet even more. And there are times when I really don't have much of a choice in the fall (playing rugby, making poor attempts at runs). Last Saturday was a miserable day to have to be outside...but there I was...in rugby shorts and a short sleeve jersey running around in the mud. I was soaked through and cold from the moment I took off my warmups with no chance of escaping it for at least 50 minutes. (40 minutes for the half plus time to change afterward) I stopped being able to feel my fingers after the first ruck. It was awful. It's even worse to make the attempt at going for a run in this weather. Running in the summer is great. Sunshine, nice hot temperatures so that you really feel like you're getting a good sweat in. Even running in the winter isn't bad. Sure, it's cold, but usually you can remain fairly dry, even running in snowy conditions you don't get saturated like you do trying to run in this awful rain.
But I also love the fall. I love holing up in my "Fortress of Solitude" (or someone else's..although I guess at that point it's not really a "Fortress of Solitude"..) and wasting entire days. I love the feeling of walking in out of the cold and into the warmth of my house. I love sitting in front of a fire with someone I care about. (yeah..that was/is/will be amazing.. ) I love snuggling in bed and spending entire days just having fun, feeling warm, being close. I love the fact that some things just taste better in the fall. Things like coffee, hot cocoa, tea, cider, cookies...they're all just better this time of year. Nice warm sweaters...big fluffy ones made out of wool that are so overly luxuriant they're ridiculous. I love the crisp smell of the cool air and even the soggy smell of the leaves. All the rich smells of the fall (smoke, leathery smells, spicy smells....) are wonderful. Fall for me is a time to be "close". To enjoy being warm (preferably with someone else.. :) ), to enjoy feeling cozy, and to enjoy being indoors.

"...Can't look below me, something will throw me, Curse at the windstorms that October brings..."

Have you ever been so happy you just want to burst? Have you ever lay awake in your bed at night and not been able to sleep because the entire world feels like it's spinning? (in a good way...and not because you're drunk/high..lol) The nervousness, the butterflys, the "walking-on-air" feeling....how cliche and yet how entirely true sometimes. I find myself walking around with a goofy grin on my face all day long, my mind replaying snippets of conversations and interactions. "It's 3am and I wanna go to bed, I've got a lady runnin' through my head..." And then lyrics like that start making sense...and you smile even more, maybe even laugh to yourself. And then you start to wonder if this is REALLY how you ought to be acting as a 26 year old male....and after that you tell yourself you don't care. That sometimes it IS okay to feel like a teenager again, sometimes that level of giddy excitement IS appropriate, no matter how old you are. That level of "alive" is the right way to be...

That...or I'm crazy....and if I am, I just don't care...:)

First off, I'd like to thank (e:LadyCroft) and (e:Theecarey) (and later (e:) David) for coming out and supporting myself and the rest of the SBRFC Thugs in our outstanding win over the Cortland-Homer Thundering Herd on Saturday afternoon. Thank you for braving the wind and rain and overall "grayness" of the day to come out and cheer us on (with your amazing pink and tinfoil pom-poms.. :) )

Where to begin with this past weekend...hmmm...it was absolutely amazing. Saturday started out great with the huge win in rugby. Then we had a great time having a few beers and watching the "show" after the match. After going home and getting cleaned up I decided to head up to (e:Theecarey)'s place for a bonfire (which, living in the city, I don't get to have anymore..) . I got up there and talked with (e:Theecarey) for a while before (e:pyrcedgrrl) arrived with the party supplies. (Except the gin which was safely tucked away in the impregnible packaging it was purchased in.....) (e:David) and (e:LadyCroft) arrived and we had a full-blown party/bonfire/get-together/funtime. We stayed up talking late into the night before I was finally forced to call it an evening and head back to the city. I had a great night....entirely unexpectedly. :)

Sunday was a day spent cleaning, doing laundry, and mowing the lawn (in addition to napping to catch up on all the sleep I missed over the weekend).

All in all it, it was an absolutely amazing weekend....yeah...just amazing.... :) .

As so many of you have expressed an interest in watching a local men's rugby match, I've decided to declare this Saturday (yes, tomorrow!), WNY Rugby Day!

As such, everyone is invited out to watch your own South Buffalo RFC Thugs take on the Cortland-Homer RFC Thundering Herd. The game begins at 2pm in Switzer Park (formerly Knox Park) in West Seneca. Directions to the pitch can be found by clicking on the South Buffalo Rugby link in my "links" section. Or by calling yours truly @ 716-949-0090 (and for those who don't know, my name is Austin, or "Derf", or about a million other nicknames). You're encouraged to bring chairs (although we do usually have an awning over a set of bleachers) and beer.

So bundle up, bring out the booze and your voices and help cheer on the Thugs as we look to clinch a playoff berth with a win this week.

So..who's coming out? :)

There are few things pure in this world anymore, and home is one of the few
We'd have a drink outside maybe run and hide, if we saw a couple men in blue
But to me it's so damn easy to see that your people are the people at home
Well I been away but now I'm back today and there ain't a place I'd rather go

I feel home when I see the faces that remember my own
I feel home when I'm chillin outside with the people I know
I feel home, and that's just what I feel
Cause home, to me, is reality and all I need is something real

We're feeling alright headin out tonight maybe off to a dark driveway
I say now, some feel bored, and some are looking for more, but we all just decide to stay
We got nothing to do, but when I look at you I see something that I know and love
And with the crack of a smile we all stay awhile, we know from home their ain't nothin above

Well in the end, we can all call a friend, well that's something that I know as true
In a thousand years, and a thousand tears, I'll come finding my original crew
Cause to me throughout eternity there is somewhere we are welcome to go
I said it's something free that means a lot to me, when I'm with my friends I feel home

I feel home when I see the faces that remember my own
I feel home when I'm chillin outside with the people I know
I feel home, and that's just what I feel
Cause home, to me, is reality and all I need is something real
Home to me is reality and all I need is something real, I feel home

--Of A Revolution, "I Feel Home"

After reading some of ((e:theecarey))'s and ((e:paul))'s journal entries and talking with ((e:theecarey)), I decided to post about my experiences and feelings growing up here, moving away, and ultimately returning "home".

The prevailing goal in my life from roughly the age of 10 through 18 was the overwhelming desire to "escape" Wilson. For those who havent' had the pleasure, Wilson is a small town in Niagara County on the southern shore of Lake Ontario with a population of about 7,000 people. It's primarily an agricultural town (although we do have the Pfeiffer's Salad Dressing factory...many a field trip there..lol) and as such, there isn't much to do. We spent much of our youth imagining what it would be like to be able to go to the movies or a department store without driving for half an hour. All we wanted to do is get out, away from the dirt, away from the rust, away from the cows.

And it was definately a "we". Growing up in such a small town, you end up growing up with the same 120 people you graduate with. My friends and I (there were six of us...Eric, Craig, Jeff, Tony, Noodle and myself) all had the same goal. Big plans, big dreams, escape. It didn't matter where as long as it wasn't Wilson.

Needless to say, I was extremely excited to get into St. Lawrence. After all it was 5 hours from the "hell hole" where I grew up. Even if the town of Canton isn't a big city, it was still bigger than Wilson..and a large portion of the students at SLU had a certain "urbane" feeling about them. (A lot of prep school kids from New England) I had finally done it, I had escaped. I spent the subsequent 4 years reveling in my new freedom and falling into incredibly amounts of debt. It was at this point that the 6 of us started to lose touch...we still spent our summers together, but we were in schools all over the state (Craig in Binghamton, Eric in Bradford, PA, Jeff at NU, Tony at Geneseo, and Noodle at UB). We never completely lost touch...we knew we'd "always be friends". We were raised together, did everything together, that's just the way it was.

If I was excited to go to SLU, I was about 10 million times MORE excited to get an offer in Toronto right out of school. Friends of the family offered me a position working at a major landscaping firm in the city as a logistics manager. I had a great job, making disgusting amounts of money, living in a city I loved. I met a girl, fell in love, got engaged. (We'll call that "the mistake".) I basically didn't talk to my friends from home for 2 years. I had new friends, a new life, a new career. They were always at the back of my mind, but I never seemed to be able to find the time. And besides, I'd find time eventually...I had this great new life, lots of money, the whole deal.

Until it all came crashing down.

My then-fiancee decided we wouldn't "work" (3 months after I had invested $3000 in a rock...). I was crushed, I needed to escape. I suddenly felt VERY alone, in a place that felt very foreign all of a sudden. I felt like I had no one, nothing. I enjoyed my work, but of course that started to falter because of stress at home. I ended up quitting and coming back to WNY a month after the breakup. I had nothing...literally. All of my money had gone into the life that "we" had built. (and the ring I never got back. ) It was one of those "her money is her money and my money is her money" situations and I was so completely engrossed in it that I didn't even notice or care. I came back to Wilson (to my grandparents' house) with little besides a few posessions and my car. I got home and felt even more incredibly alone, because I had been stupid enough to not keep in contact with anyone for 2 years.

I'll never forget the two days after I got home. At the peak of feeling depressed I decided to call my best friend (Jeff) to see if he still even remembered me. To my surprise, the response I got was amazing...he was almost overwhelmed to hear from me, hear about my life, to just talk. He told me to keep the following night free (as if my social calendar were so full..lol). The next night he gave me a call and told me to get over to his place. I was expecting a quiet night with him, but when I arrived......all of my friends were there. I was whisked away down to Chippewa to celebrate all the birthdays they'd missed with me. It was absolutely amazing...like nobody missed a beat. Just like old times. And I guess that's when I realized the value of home. I realized that no matter where I go or what I do I will always be a farmboy from Western NY. No matter how far or hard I run, it's what I am. And I also realized that no matter where I go, no matter how long I go without talking to them, I'll always have the friends I grew up with.

And I'll always be able to go "home".