There are few things pure in this world anymore, and home is one of the few
We'd have a drink outside maybe run and hide, if we saw a couple men in blue
But to me it's so damn easy to see that your people are the people at home
Well I been away but now I'm back today and there ain't a place I'd rather go

I feel home when I see the faces that remember my own
I feel home when I'm chillin outside with the people I know
I feel home, and that's just what I feel
Cause home, to me, is reality and all I need is something real

We're feeling alright headin out tonight maybe off to a dark driveway
I say now, some feel bored, and some are looking for more, but we all just decide to stay
We got nothing to do, but when I look at you I see something that I know and love
And with the crack of a smile we all stay awhile, we know from home their ain't nothin above

Well in the end, we can all call a friend, well that's something that I know as true
In a thousand years, and a thousand tears, I'll come finding my original crew
Cause to me throughout eternity there is somewhere we are welcome to go
I said it's something free that means a lot to me, when I'm with my friends I feel home

I feel home when I see the faces that remember my own
I feel home when I'm chillin outside with the people I know
I feel home, and that's just what I feel
Cause home, to me, is reality and all I need is something real
Home to me is reality and all I need is something real, I feel home

--Of A Revolution, "I Feel Home"

After reading some of ((e:theecarey))'s and ((e:paul))'s journal entries and talking with ((e:theecarey)), I decided to post about my experiences and feelings growing up here, moving away, and ultimately returning "home".

The prevailing goal in my life from roughly the age of 10 through 18 was the overwhelming desire to "escape" Wilson. For those who havent' had the pleasure, Wilson is a small town in Niagara County on the southern shore of Lake Ontario with a population of about 7,000 people. It's primarily an agricultural town (although we do have the Pfeiffer's Salad Dressing factory...many a field trip there..lol) and as such, there isn't much to do. We spent much of our youth imagining what it would be like to be able to go to the movies or a department store without driving for half an hour. All we wanted to do is get out, away from the dirt, away from the rust, away from the cows.

And it was definately a "we". Growing up in such a small town, you end up growing up with the same 120 people you graduate with. My friends and I (there were six of us...Eric, Craig, Jeff, Tony, Noodle and myself) all had the same goal. Big plans, big dreams, escape. It didn't matter where as long as it wasn't Wilson.

Needless to say, I was extremely excited to get into St. Lawrence. After all it was 5 hours from the "hell hole" where I grew up. Even if the town of Canton isn't a big city, it was still bigger than Wilson..and a large portion of the students at SLU had a certain "urbane" feeling about them. (A lot of prep school kids from New England) I had finally done it, I had escaped. I spent the subsequent 4 years reveling in my new freedom and falling into incredibly amounts of debt. It was at this point that the 6 of us started to lose touch...we still spent our summers together, but we were in schools all over the state (Craig in Binghamton, Eric in Bradford, PA, Jeff at NU, Tony at Geneseo, and Noodle at UB). We never completely lost touch...we knew we'd "always be friends". We were raised together, did everything together, that's just the way it was.

If I was excited to go to SLU, I was about 10 million times MORE excited to get an offer in Toronto right out of school. Friends of the family offered me a position working at a major landscaping firm in the city as a logistics manager. I had a great job, making disgusting amounts of money, living in a city I loved. I met a girl, fell in love, got engaged. (We'll call that "the mistake".) I basically didn't talk to my friends from home for 2 years. I had new friends, a new life, a new career. They were always at the back of my mind, but I never seemed to be able to find the time. And besides, I'd find time eventually...I had this great new life, lots of money, the whole deal.

Until it all came crashing down.

My then-fiancee decided we wouldn't "work" (3 months after I had invested $3000 in a rock...). I was crushed, I needed to escape. I suddenly felt VERY alone, in a place that felt very foreign all of a sudden. I felt like I had no one, nothing. I enjoyed my work, but of course that started to falter because of stress at home. I ended up quitting and coming back to WNY a month after the breakup. I had nothing...literally. All of my money had gone into the life that "we" had built. (and the ring I never got back. ) It was one of those "her money is her money and my money is her money" situations and I was so completely engrossed in it that I didn't even notice or care. I came back to Wilson (to my grandparents' house) with little besides a few posessions and my car. I got home and felt even more incredibly alone, because I had been stupid enough to not keep in contact with anyone for 2 years.

I'll never forget the two days after I got home. At the peak of feeling depressed I decided to call my best friend (Jeff) to see if he still even remembered me. To my surprise, the response I got was amazing...he was almost overwhelmed to hear from me, hear about my life, to just talk. He told me to keep the following night free (as if my social calendar were so full..lol). The next night he gave me a call and told me to get over to his place. I was expecting a quiet night with him, but when I arrived......all of my friends were there. I was whisked away down to Chippewa to celebrate all the birthdays they'd missed with me. It was absolutely amazing...like nobody missed a beat. Just like old times. And I guess that's when I realized the value of home. I realized that no matter where I go or what I do I will always be a farmboy from Western NY. No matter how far or hard I run, it's what I am. And I also realized that no matter where I go, no matter how long I go without talking to them, I'll always have the friends I grew up with.

And I'll always be able to go "home".

Just a few pics of our Mid-September match against Lockport.
This one is pre-game...I'm walking (in the yellow Australia jersey) with teammatesMcGowan and Matty G.










That's it for now..maybe more later.

Hockey is back!! Thank god...I couldn't take another winter without my beloved Maple Leafs taking to the ice to thrash the likes of the Buffalo Sabres. As a kid who grew up bleeding the blue and white (both sides of my family are from Ontario...), it's a dream come true. Time once again to hear the strains of the "Hockey Night in Canada" theme...to religiously spend the first intermission listening to Don Cherry grumble about what's wrong with hockey...to remember all the days spent at the rink with my grandfather as a little kid.

Go Leafs Go!

Here're my results from Croft's quiz:

• The Keys to Your Heart***

You are attracted to good manners and elegance.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.


What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Lots of interesting random thoughts today...(okay..probably not overly interesting to anyone but me)

Item 1: Hockey

The NHL season kicked off last night and the game is so much better with all the new rules. The elimination of the red line has opened up passing and made the game much more exciting end-to-end. The smaller goalie equipment/limitations on where goalies may play the puck has led to more scoring. (Well...that and the increase in powerplays due to the stricter enforcement of the obstruction/interference rules) The shoot-out rule is brilliant, even though it did cost my Leafs last night. However, the best rule change in my opinion, the one that has led to the greatest increase in flow/pace of the game is the new icing rule. For those who don't know/didn't notice, the team that ices the puck now DOES NOT get to make a line change. This rule has single-handedly eliminated about half of the play stoppages in a given game. For example, in the Toronto/Ottawa game last night I think I counted 5 icings. 5!! In an entire 60 minute game. That's amazing...that's easily 1/5 of the icings we used to see in the average pre-lockout NHL game. Combine that with the elimination of the two-line pass (for all intents and purposes) and you've got a game that truly is the fastest game on ice.


Item 2: On living alone

I sincerely think it drives you crazy...slowly, insidiously. You start doing things that you'd never do when you lived with roommates/family. For instance, it's now a great idea to simply not put clothes on after showering upon getting home from practice. "Why put on a t-shirt or shorts? This towel works perfectly!" Or putting on a random CD and singing at the top of your lungs. (We won't get into my wonderful rendition of "Wicked Game" the other night) You start thinking that things like cereal can be the only thing you need to eat, because cooking for one is the biggest waste of time on earth. (lol) Or even better...being on a first name basis with all of the delivery people in the neighbourhood. You stop remembering that there's a reason to be quiet when you go over to "friends with roommates"'s houses. At 4 in the morning. Or maybe it's just me.


Item 3: The desire for things that are "new".

I'm not talking about material possessions here really. More along the lines of new experiences. I was going to call this item "need more fun", but that gives the wrong impression. It's not that I don't get out with friends or have fun, it's more the desire for "new" fun. For instance, my weeks usually roll by with me spending Monday through Friday and work, going out with the team on Thursday nights and Saturday afternoons. Friday nights are usually nights out with my non-rugby friends (the group of friends that is comprised of friends from childhood/college who all hang out, go to bars/clubs, and drink together). This is all well and good. I get out, I socialize. But it's all starting to become stale. I've heard the same stories, the same jokes, been to the same bars/clubs 9 trillion times (roughly). I get stuck doing the same things with the same people...and it's fun...but not the same as the "new" fun you have hanging out with a new crowd. It's that same "fun" that you have in new relationships. That's what I'm really looking for at this point. Not entirely sure how to go about finding it...but I'm sure I'll think of something.

Ideas? Thoughts? On any of this? Or am I just completely crazy (from living alone too long..lol)