I really am going crazy. I want to see. I want to be there laying around, sleeping, getting drunk, getting in the way, staring at a screen, hearing familiar voices, seeing facial expressions change with the sounds from lips, occasionally making folks talk to me in English, watching vivi and schnigg put together a sink, glaring when something happens I disagree with, smiling when I feel happy.
Fuck
This is a different kind of isolation here on normal ave.. It's just no one is here, to make me smile, to piss me off, or even just to ignore each other. I have to readjust.

I turn on the TV and flip through the 250 channels but nothing is on. I go into the kitchen and look at shelves full of food but I find nothing to eat.
My sister made me burn this song for her. You gotta love dolly's hard candy Christmas.

Hey, maybe I'll dye my hair
Maybe I'll move somewhere
Maybe I'll get a car
Maybe I'll drive so far
They'll all lose track
Me, I'll bounce right back
Maybe I'll sleep real late
Maybe I'll lose some weight
Maybe I'll clear my junk
Maybe I'll just get drunk on apple wine
Me, I'll be just

Fine and dandy
Lord it's like a hard candy christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But still I won't let
Sorrow bring me way down

I'll be fine and dandy
Lord it's like a hard candy christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But still I won't let
Sorrow get me way down

Hey, maybe I'll learn to sew
Maybe I'll just lie low
Maybe I'll hit the bars
Maybe I'll count the stars until dawn
Me, I will go on

Maybe I'll settle down
Maybe I'll just leave town
Maybe I'll have some fun
Maybe I'll meet someone
And make him mine
Me, I'll be just

Fine and dandy
Lord it's like a hard candy christmas
I'm barely getting throung tomorrow
But still I won't let
Sorrow bring me way down

I'll be fine and dandy
Lord it's like a hard candy christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But still I won't let
Sorrow bring me way down

I'll be fine and dandy
Lord it's like a hard candy christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But still I won't let
Sorrow bring me way down

'cause I'll be fine
(I'll be fine)
Oh, I'll be fine

I'll be back in Buffalo at 11 tomorrow. Perhaps I will feel more normal once I get back to my little apartment on Normal. Maybe I'll see some of y'all at the pink this Wednesday!

Ok
So here
the famous,

The sleep of reason produces monsters
1797-98



Here is a further description of this plate.

Perhaps isolation has caused a slight alternation of my reason currently. I'm not so isolated in physical space as I am in mental. Soon that will be switched around. I will once again be able to comprehend the signs that signify mundane dinner conversation.

and here is a link to Goya's Black Painting series


I'm not a huge fan of old paintings but Goya is where I make an exception. When I was a child flipping through my daddy's art history book, "Art Throughout the Ages" a 1960's version; the one painting that always stood out to me was "Saturn Devouring His Children." I misread the title in my youth at thought it was titled "Satan Devouring His Children" and it frightened me so much because I was a child and I couldn't think of why anyone would want to eat me. I wonder why I didn't identify myself as a child of Jesus? I was saved and baptised after all. I knew. I already knew. God Damn

I have a more strange than usual sleeping pattern at the moment. last night I slept from 1am to 5am then from 3pm to 9pm then from midnight to 3am. Every sleep I've had a mediocre dream about everyday life. Here is the one I just had. I had taken my flatmate, Albrecht to Adairsville (my hometown) and we were walking through st. elmo (getto but nice) on our way back from the store. It was night time. The moon was a projection. It was really pissing me off, that moon. I was so angry that some person had the nerve to fuck with my moon, your moon, every body's moon, ya know? Even what they were projecting wasn't complete. It was only random titles that said things like "sample text."

Ok, Other than that I have a presentation in 7 hours. Another informal presentation at the local watering hole on Wednesday night. I need to get a train ticket for berlin on thursday and I have a flight to atlanta friday(13th hahaha) morning. Then after a night or two of coddling Kiah and incessant nagging from my dear mama I will once again be in Buffalo. Oh Buffalo.

back to one of my oldest user pics...
I think I was around 8 or 9 years old in that pic. The bathing suit in the picture brings up a funny memory for me. That was my sisters bathing suit. One day I got mad at her so I cut the crotch out of that suit, hahaha. Like she wouldn't notice. God, I'm so stupidly vindictive sometimes.
I'll be back in Buffalo in 10 days or so, see y'all then