Today was the deadline to apply for the Canisius teaching position which I am not applying. It was one of those pivotal life moments I suspect. I hope I chose the right path because, I really put serious thought into my decision. My parents really think I messed up bad. I am really rather content with my decision as I do not want to grow old in Buffalo and felt that this was my way out.

I am going to seriously pursue the Italian Citizenship possibility. For the first time in my life, I was depressed today. I should be programming something important but I spend the day making a new kind of script:art I came up with last night.

When I first started, I was very excited, then as time went on and the hours dragged I remembered that I hate script art because I find it meaningless and am never happy with the results. I did, however, learn a considerable amount about php classes.

I wish I had just helped Ben out for free on the reading project. I think it would have taken me all of two days and I have a feeling he is really stressing. But I have to remain strong in my new decision to no longer work for free - unless it is for some social justice cause. I am a very highly skilled individual and I am barely making it in terms of money.

Basically, I don't want to end up making the decision my mother did to be a life long volunteer and never get monetary reimbursement for her work.

Jesse, sent me a recommendation letter for the Canisius position which made me even more sad. It was nice, I would have used it if I had applied.

Basically, I am tired and very sad and school starts again soon. I think that there must be an end to this horrible cycle of hard work, excellent results and no monetary reimbursement. I have a feeling that grades once again don't matter. Just like my undergraduate degree, I have a feeling I am stressing to make sure that I receive an A in everything, only to find out it doesn't make any difference and that I could have had a life and gotten by with a B.

I will be back on top of everything soon.

Last night i saw Emily Keating for the first time in about 4 or 5 years. It was crazy to see her so out of the blue. She seems to be doing good and is living in Ashville. She just got back from traveling around the world and around the country with her boyfriend Evan, who I think may be alergic to everything, something I can appreciate. I was happy to hear that she remembered me talking about a serious erosion of civilian privacy in relation to the government. It all started because I was reading about the new US policy of fingerprinting foreigners at the border.

I started saying about how we are only a step away from tatoos and camps and she said that she rembered having this same conversation years ago. So I guess I don't change much.

Well, I have finally re-found my long lost friend Carmen in California. This picture of us was taken in Flensburg in 1996. We are roasting and eating mushrooms/marshmallows in the school/town forest called volkspark behind the school. The picture on that link page is of the giant watertower, which definately looks like a space ship, especially at night with altered vision.

Looking back on it, I think we are the only people to ever have fires there. I really used that land space, like it was an american forest, but I think it was intended more of a park. Oh well, leave it to the American's to settle use up natural resources.

I really miss her, hopefully, someday she will come to visit us in New York, however, I would recommend waiting until the spring.

She also contacted me through the new site email to alert me of a really funny site that is unfortunately not meant to be satirical.

Presidentialprayerteam.org -



Carmen, you should start a journal.

Poverty, especially child poverty is an extremly sad problem, wherever it ocurrs. I find the statistics that Ajay posted to be eye opening and agree that I feel we can best affect our local community. However, for comparison's sake, I have also been to Northern Africa and I have seen the ghetto in Compton outside of LA. While I can say Compton seems more dangerous (boarded up, gun shot holes in windows and stop signs, the poor in Northern Africa were starving and suffering at a completely different level.

The poor in Africa were also ostracized in a differnt way and had no access to any governmental services. I am not saying that we have a amazing social welfare program, in comparison to western Europe or other places, but we at least have one and some people can live off it. Especially, those with children.

Another comparitive issue is that while it is true that many people ingore and reject the homeless in our neighborhood, I also do not believe that they feel in any way, for example like the untouchables in India or other oppressed people in poverty whose place is determined by religious beliefs or caste.

Lastly, I would like to commend the chruch across of the street from me on Lafayette and Elmwood for feeding the poor in our neighborhood on a daily basis. I see them waiting outside for food each day, and in some way during that waiting period when they are all together, I get the feeling they are also experiencing a form of community.

So what I am trying to say is that I agree with Ajay and lets work to help our local community but lets also no forget that even our poor are living in the richest country in the world.

By the way S. Ross is in town. The same Sara from our homeless fund raiser sleepout in 1989.

Missing Image ;(