Does anyone else here remember a time before they saw the world as it is, when they thought that the world was an endless series of social engagements in warehouse style renegade discos. For those of you who do, here is the history of that Scene,

I am in a productive rut. I have no interest in being a machine. At least for this moment.

Today was the deadline to apply for the Canisius teaching position which I am not applying. It was one of those pivotal life moments I suspect. I hope I chose the right path because, I really put serious thought into my decision. My parents really think I messed up bad. I am really rather content with my decision as I do not want to grow old in Buffalo and felt that this was my way out.

I am going to seriously pursue the Italian Citizenship possibility. For the first time in my life, I was depressed today. I should be programming something important but I spend the day making a new kind of script:art I came up with last night.

When I first started, I was very excited, then as time went on and the hours dragged I remembered that I hate script art because I find it meaningless and am never happy with the results. I did, however, learn a considerable amount about php classes.

I wish I had just helped Ben out for free on the reading project. I think it would have taken me all of two days and I have a feeling he is really stressing. But I have to remain strong in my new decision to no longer work for free - unless it is for some social justice cause. I am a very highly skilled individual and I am barely making it in terms of money.

Basically, I don't want to end up making the decision my mother did to be a life long volunteer and never get monetary reimbursement for her work.

Jesse, sent me a recommendation letter for the Canisius position which made me even more sad. It was nice, I would have used it if I had applied.

Basically, I am tired and very sad and school starts again soon. I think that there must be an end to this horrible cycle of hard work, excellent results and no monetary reimbursement. I have a feeling that grades once again don't matter. Just like my undergraduate degree, I have a feeling I am stressing to make sure that I receive an A in everything, only to find out it doesn't make any difference and that I could have had a life and gotten by with a B.

I will be back on top of everything soon.

Last night i saw Emily Keating for the first time in about 4 or 5 years. It was crazy to see her so out of the blue. She seems to be doing good and is living in Ashville. She just got back from traveling around the world and around the country with her boyfriend Evan, who I think may be alergic to everything, something I can appreciate. I was happy to hear that she remembered me talking about a serious erosion of civilian privacy in relation to the government. It all started because I was reading about the new US policy of fingerprinting foreigners at the border.

I started saying about how we are only a step away from tatoos and camps and she said that she rembered having this same conversation years ago. So I guess I don't change much.