Read the entry before this, before reading this one. I don't know how to make paragraphs and it looks terrible all squished together. The previous entry is a copy of an e-mail I sent out to some friends from home. It's easier than typing it out again.... The last few days have been the hardest days of my life. And even after the services, it really hasn't hit me...the whole situation is still so unreal. The wake was soooo crowded. I've never seen anything like it. We waited outside in the parking lot for over an hour just to get in to see her. We were all okay until we got close the room, and there were several collages of pictures of Lauren, and I couldn't help but start to sob. There was a big picture in the front that had to have been her senior picture. It was such a beautiful picture. It was very hard for me to look at. I was so grateful that Sean was there before I turned the corner to go into the actual room she was laid in. Sean is amazing. He is just amazing. He hugged me while I cried and held himself together so well. Her family was very calm when I greeted them, too, which was hard, since every person in there was a basket case. The funeral service the next day was very nice. We all were pretty composed until her younger sister came up and spoke. She told the congregation that despite all the anger and pain they feel, one thing that their family finds comfort in is Sean. I thought that was perfect and absolutely wonderful to say. Sean has always been and will continue to be one of the greatest people I've been blessed to know. It's so true what a comfort he is, to everyone. We love Sean soooo much, and want nothing but for him to be exactly the person he is, since I can't imagine a better way for anyone to be. During the meditation, past and present Chamber Singers sang 'The Lord Bless You and Keep You', which we end every concert with. I didn't know if I could make it, but before we began, I looked at her sister, and even though she had tears in her eyes, she was smiling. She looked peaceful, and that's what made me get through the song. Lauren would be pissed if we cried too hard and sounded bad, anyway. =0)

So now we're back, and tomorrow will be back to normal, with classes and everything. I thought the worst was over, but now I don't know...the reality hasn't sunk in. Lauren was so amazing, wonderful to be around, a great singer, so much fun...just someone that can't be replaced, ever. And the fact that I'm not going to see her every day in Mason...well, it just isn't believable. I could go on forever saying this stuff. Looking across that rehearsal room and not seeing her there (and not making faces at each other about DPL) is going to be sooo difficult. She truly was one of the greatest people I've ever known. For the nineteen years she was alive, she was truly amazing. She lived life so completely. The love between her and Sean was unlike anything I've ever felt or seen, even if it was short. Lauren loved Sean with all her heart, and how many people have felt that at 19? We should all be so lucky to find someone so perfect for us. She was amazing. We will miss her for the rest of our lives, and the pain isn't going to fade quickly. I know that the wonderful memories of her will live past the sorrow and grief. Anyone who knew her was lucky, and they know it. We love Lauren sooooo much, and nothing can ever take that away. She will always live in our hearts, our music, our prayers, and our memories. We love you and miss you sooooo much Lauren...so much...

I want to fall in love again, and more.


I want to go to London again.


I want to frolic with penguins in Antarctica (or somewhere warmer.)


I want to see Jimmy Eat World in concert as many times as possible.


I want to be fallen in love with.


I want to always be happy with who I am, what I look like, who I'm with, and what I'm doing with my life.


I want Mike and I to hang out perpetually my senior year of college =0)

I want to be loved and respected by the students I plan to have eventually, and to really show people how much I love music and the great things it brings to people.





a beginning to a list of things I want to do...jst brainstorming today. I want to keep up with this journal, haha, but that's proving to be a little difficult. ta-ta for now.

hey guys,

this is really hard for me to write about so I'm sort of just going to say what needs to be said and it might not be too organized but i don't really care. Pat, a friend from school, called me today and told me that two of my friends, two people that I sing with, got into a car accident last night...my friends Sean Doyle and Lauren Miller. Sean is okay, he was driving. He was released from the hospital this morning...However, Lauren didn't make it though...she died in the accident, and we think right away. She was a sophomore Music Ed major, a Chamber singer, and an amazing person. She was one of those people that just lit up a room when she came in, everyone liked her, you know...we weren't really that close but close enough that I'm really upset and everything. I found out today at 1, and drove down to Fredonia to be with Pat. He's been pretty much telling everyone and he's being really strong...I'm proud of him. Everyone else is home for the weekend, so I won't be able to see anyone else until we get to Binghamton.


The wake is Tuesday at 4 and the funeral is Wednesday at 10, both in Binghamton. We'll probably be leaving Fredonia Tuesday morning, staying at a hotel, and coming back Wednesday sometime.

This is so unreal, I've never had someone so close to me die and it was so sudden and out of nowhere. I'm just sort of numb right now. Anyway I just wanted to tell you guys. I love you all so much...I wish I could have seen more people on fall
break and everything.

OK talk to you soon.

love, MK

actually it's 2:30, but close enough. I haven't been up this late in awhile...and I have class at 9. yeeaahhhh....good times. I was hoping this would make me fall asleep. I will be home this weekend and I can't wait =0) Not that it is a huge break, but it's nice. even though I'll be doing work for like all of Monday and Tuesday, haha. I have to go make up an accompaniment to a song I'm gonna be singing with the third graders on Wednesday. Hooray for playing by ear. Wow could I get more boring? ...Mike finally sent me the website files in the correct format so hopefully in less than a month it will be up on the web. Ok probably before that. I think Mike and I are going to get an apartment in the spring of 2005...at least that's what I'm hoping for. How much fun would that be?! Our house would be completely decorated in SBTB posters and we would constantly have the Dawson's Creek theme playing in the background. It would be such a party spot! =D I'm so in love with Jimmy Eat World. They have a DVD coming out this month, HOOOORAY! Oh everyone shed a little tear for the two fishies my roomie and I have lost in the past week. awwww.................................................................. Well I don't know how to make paragraphs so that's my big pause. good luck to Brian, Brad and Sean tomorrow in the ETHOS concert....and good night y'all.

there is nothing to say, so I am going to recommend some music....well just list some of my favorite bands and stuff, just because it makes me feel good and hopefully you will listen...

i'm currently into jazz, thanks to chris. i have like 8975356 new cds. harry connick jr. and diana krall are at the top of my list, but i'm trying to leave some space for the instrumental too. it's such great music. and as far as other genres, i am always in love with dashboard. and jimmy eat world. i branch out with other bands but they are still at the top. youuuuuuuu're the top. and of course "go tell aunt rhody" outkast style is a classic. and the moose song is always a favorite. if you don't know that song, ask me and i'll sing it for you. it's a new favorite of the junior class of mason.

nothing else to say. fall break is coming. yay kenmore! i'm glad i actually thought of an idea for these third graders next week...watch my teacher go and tell me it completely sucks. ok good night. go listen to some recording of "the look of love". what a great song that is =0)