The other day I remembered that A friend of mine in High school said I was antisocial. I never really liked that word because it implies that you thinking being social is bad or that you fight being social.

I admit that I can be very happy keeping to my self. But at the same time I write blogs here go to MTV and Fox's message boards. I used to go to chat rooms a lot. When I know someone I really like to talk to them. Sometimes at work the only thing to talk about is sex and that is fine. You just have to be carefull of who else is around because some people might get upset by sex talk.


Getting to know some one is tough. What do you talk about. Guys it is not as tough Girls, Sports, Guy Movies, wrestling or other manly things are a common thing to talk about. I think it is called small talk like how's the weather is not me. What I say I generaly always mean. So I'm not really able to just go up to someone and start BSing them. Yes once I know someone some times The BS might start to fly and then we need to go put our boots on. But that is differant. That is not walking up to someone and acting like this stranger is your new best friend or that girl at the bar that you only want to have sex with, really means something to you.

That being said When I do meet ladies or guys I do enjoy my self. I do like to talk to people and have some good conversations even if we don't agree. I do care about people and hope everyone has a great life.

I really have no idea where I am going, I'm kinda rambaling and I'm not expressing my self the way I want to. I don't think this is clear at all. I'm more confussed now. Yes I'm Shy. I think I'm a little antisocial. Plus I'm a loner. Plus I don't like to lie or BS people. When I say something i like to mean it. Yes sometimes the words in my head don't come out right.

I sometimes get depressed for what seems like no reason at all. It seems to stemm from the situation not from a physical sense. Take last night for example Kim Mitchel was great. I wanted to have a drink Downtown but all those places where way to packed. So I thought I might try Frizzy's on Allen or maybe Cozumel on elmwood since they are both in near my house. But as I was walking I was kinda depressed. Walking by my self. There where all these groups. I was all alone. There was the one guy with 2 or 3 girls groups and lots of others. I was like the only one by myself. Plus I was tired it had been rainy. So I figured having a drink or 2 would not be a good Idea at all.

But today I woke up early and went to see Dodgeball. Before I went I paid My Cable bill and school loan there went my whole check except for about a dollar. Dodgeball was very good, there was a great crowd for a movie before noon. I really enjoyed it.

Hopefully when parts of my life that suck get me down, I won't let them depress me, but I doubt that will work. But who knows I will try not to let them.

I think Sunday will be a lot of fun it is the Artvoice Street Fest. I hope it dosn't rain. I hope I don't have to fight that depression from going home alone. Then I have to wake up so super early, plus I can never sleep on sunday nights anyways so it could get interesting.

Thursday was another boaring day of work. Except for a few chicks talking about sex for a small part of the day. I work at 5am. I do sleep some on the way and on the way home as well. So By the Time Kim Mitchel came on I was a bit tired. Agent me and the other band It was either tony or johny C and the truth where both good. I admit I don't know much of Kim's music. I knew only 2 songs. But he was very good and I had a great time. He is very talented. It was truely a great show. I've heard so much about him, it didn't disapoint.

I admit I love not being attached. I like going to show and places by myself. I can see what movie I want when I want. I don't have to see some crappy movie and I can do things on my own time and my own way. Wow I really love the freedom. That is one reason why I never really call my friends. That whole compromising thing is tough. When you don't care what you do then it really isn't compromising.

That being said. I really need to go out and find a good women. Yes I do love my freedom but sometimes it can be so lonely. You are there in a crowd and you feal like part of the crowd but you also feal alone. Sometimes at night when you can't sleep you think if I had someone in my arms I wouldn't care. Yes some women moan and complain all the time and all they do is cause trouble. But maybe I will get lucky and find a good women who lets me have freedom and is still there so both her and I can have fun both with and away from each other. That way there is a mix of being independent and not lonely.

The entire Music as Art festival was great. I had so much fun that I missed work today I slept through my alarm. I was to tired to work anyways. I rocked to Rozy to hard. I knew that the special guest was going to envovle Robie of the Goo Goo dolls somehow. Him singing Ozzy was cool. I think he did a good job. I forget the name of the band backing him up but they did a great job to. But I never suspected that after that Johny would come out and the Goo's would play some songs. That was amazing. I had a great time. There where some people up on a roof looking down on the fest that must have been an interesting view. They looked like they where having a lot of fun.