My roommate has been gone for a little over 24 hours and I am bored silly. I like having the apartment all to myself, but once the ability to walk around naked lost its excitement I found myself tired of being alone. I have a lot of work I can do but it's hard for me to be productive unless I have had some down time first. I guess I have come to realize that I don't really feel like I can relax when I am all by myself. It's weird because I am very much of a solitary person. I mean I like being around people but when it comes down to it I enjoy being alone more than most. But lately I have been lonely and bored. I need social stimulation. Something is lacking...

Beside those profound thoughts, I have noticed that my behavior is really strange when I am by myself. Why is it that I can't sleep with my bedroom door open? I mean, I know that no one is in the apartment, so why do I need to close it and lock it to sleep? Also, I close the door and lock it when I go to the bathroom. There is really no need for any of these things. I realize that most people would think that i do it out of habit but that's not it. I have consciously thought about what I am doing and then tried not to do it, and I just couldn't sleep or pee. It's something about security I'm sure, but it must be pretty strong if I can't override it by thinking about it consciously.

Last thing. I really hate it when people lie. No, this isn't an epiphany I have come to after years of thinking that I really loved it when I was being lied to. It's just that lately I have noticed that people lie a lot about stupid little things. I do it too. I know that it makes me a hypocrite to say that I want other people to stop doing something that I know I do too, but I find it hard to justify other people's lies and easy to justify my own. I am sure that's how people are able to lie. Sometimes I can see why people do it, for convenience, or because they genuinely think it's better for someone else. It's just that I don't understand why they let it get so out of hand. I find omitting info to be so much scarier than lying because at least with a lie you probably have the feeling that what you are doing is wrong. When someone leaves out details it can easily slip right by the conscience. I don't know why I am rambling about this. I need my roommate to come home or a live person who doesn't have a swim meet to worry about so that I can talk to someone. ugh, I am in a strange mood.

(p.s. Jess, like the title?)

Okay so lately I have been noticing this crazy amount of cars with "W in '04" bumper stickers. Like the circular ones and the rectangular ones that say Bush Cheney in '04. It seems like in the past couple weeks the number of these stickers has risen dramatically where I go to school. I think that the W '04 Phenomenon, as I would like to call it, is a product of all of the people who were Bush supporters during the election but felt embarrassed. I'm sure no one wanted to admit that they supported the dumb guy that they themselves didn't think would win. However, now that Bush won AND he has been inaugurated I think that people want to admit that they supported the side that got into office. I think it's pretty pathetic if you don't feel strongly enough about the side that you are on to admit it to other people without being embarrassed. I realize there were some people who did openly support Bush (and plastered their cars with those ugly stickers) and some people just don’t like bumper sticker. But obviously there are plenty of people who felt like putting a bumper sticker on their car would be too much of a commitment. Just imagine that...you will vote for someone, but you are too afraid to put a bumper sticker on your car that says you support them. I mean after all, what would happen if you had put it on and then they lost?? Maybe you'd have to hold firm in your convictions. Parish the thought!

On another note, graduate school interviews are scary!! :o

It's been quite a while, hasn't it? I guess I haven't written in a bit because there hasn't really been much to talk about. School has been busy and I haven't done anything exciting except writing a paper on the period of adolescence. I suppose that was something to talk about...

Although the paper turned out well (it was the first paper I think I have ever sent to Jesse that he hasn't had to edit!!) the experience of handing it in was brutal. The seminar class I wrote the paper for is specifically on Adolescence. This was our first position paper, which basically means that you have to take a position on a question and defend it in 8 pages or so. When you hand in the paper the class listens to your positions and discusses it- that means you are put on the hotseat of a little bit and forced to debate with everyone else. Although the idea made me nervous, I figured it wouldn't be that bad because the class is only 2 hours long and other people surely wrote the paper this week (you can pick 4 weeks out of 10 to write). NO. I was so wrong. As it turns out I was only one of two people who wrote the paper AND the other person had an elaborate excuse for why he wasn't going to be at class (it had something to do with a passport, a three hour traffic jam, and his brother being in Toronto International Airport). So basically the two hour class turned into me defending against everyone else's criticism and opposing positions. Who would have thought that defining adolescence was such a controversial topic?! We even split up into groups to brainstorm things that I did wrong...and I had to be in a group! Total disaster, seriously.

Anyway, I have recovered from the academic beating and surprisingly I am pretty proud of the paper that I handed in. You would think that I would feel doubtful about my position after all that but I think the experience simply reaffirmed my original ideas on the topic. I am pretty sure that is called belief inoculation, a very cool concept if anyone is interested (yay, psych GRE Teres!).

The only other thing going on in my life is that Shannon, my roommate from last year, is coming to visit for one night on her way back to Portland. She works at a hostel there and loves being a west coast girl. Crazy how much has changed since she lived with Heidi and I last year! I am excited to see her and have the sore stomach that comes from the uncontrollable laughing that she always elicits. I guarantee that for two weeks following her visit I will talk like her...and it will be extremely annoying!

Well that's all that I have for now. I sure made a long post out of absolutely nothing. Hope everyone is well. Take care and keep on keeping those resolutions (if you haven't broken them already)...tata

School has officially begun for me and so far my classes are excellent. It's so nice to be a senior and be able to finally take only classes that matter to you. I have really good professors this term and a lot of out-of-class time. I've also gotten to re-connect with a couple friends from freshman year. It seems that things do come full circle (right Teres ;) ). Well I am going off to read for fun while I still have time. I'll check in again when I have something more interesting to say...it might be a while. take care.

...year, classes, interests, and goals. Exciting stuff if you ask me. I can't wait to start my new classes and get cranking on my thesis. This is the term when all of the floating ideas come into fruition. I can't wait to get my thesis going and work with the kiddies again. It's been two years and I wonder if I will remember any of them. I see their names when I am making up the schedule and they all seem so familiar but really the only child I can remember clearly is the one who decided he didn't want to keep doing the experiment halfway through. I'm really happy that the school district gave me permission to videotape the kids. It's going to make such a difference to be able to watch the experiment over and over. I can't wait to get started :)

Anyway, this is the last night I am going to be sleeping in my bed in the BUFF. I love my bed at home. Sometimes I think I get more sentimental leaving my bed than anything else in Buffalo. But it will be nice to get back to my apartment and be more independent. I like not having someone asking me where I am going all the time (not that I go that many places).

As usual I am a little worried about moving the turts. I worry that I am not providing a stable enough home life for my little semi-aquatic friends. If I were them I wouldn’t like someone transporting me in a neon orange party bucket every ten weeks back and forth from Buffalo to Schenectady. I mean I do put a seatbelt around the bucket when we are driving, but still they may feel unsafe. The trips have been good so far, but it only takes one bad experience.

Okay, well the next time you hear from me it will be from the Neck. I hope everyone have a healthy and happy New Year. Take care!!