well, i can't. well, i couldn't. what ever happened to my f*&^%$# family? i feel like i have none. well, realy i don't. oh well. i guess its time to bite the bullet and grow up. growing up is the saddest part of my life thus far.

in other more uplifting news, i have a job interview on tues morning. to work with kiddies. i love the kiddies. better than selling lotion to suburbian housewives...gasp.
this job would mean full time regular hours, and an escape from lotion land, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

my life right now, is completely opposite from what is was last year at this time. now, its a lot harder. i have to do stuff on my own. its hard. but i guess i know i can do it. life aint always fun kids, especially when you can't even remember the last time you bought a new tube of lipgloss, or anything besides food or gas.

i want to work with the kiddies...

paul wants to throw everything away

terry wants to keep everything

i really don't care.

but i did do their dishes today, those bitches can't clean up after themselves. the shame.


paul also wants to have an online sort of survivor show, but with maids, who will clean his house. oh boy

apparently my sister has a "house cleaner" as paul calls it. he wants one, so do i. matt says they steal stuff, all of them. hehehe....

yea, that's right. sleep is the best. especially on a new bed, equiped with matching bedding, a mattress pad, and some nifty memory foam. it's weird though. i never sleeep well unless i know i am totally alone and have no interuptions. its always nicer to have a cuddle partner, by far, but im a mover and a shaker and bed hog. i obviously didn't learn how to share(the bed) at a young age. if you have a twin size bed, and you upgrade to an adult sixe bed, don't ever go back, you will find yourself wondering; how did i ever sleep on that tiny little piece of shit?

thats pretty much all i've got to say for now, well except the fact that this is world is incredibly cruel and cold(especially here in buffalo, well the cold part). and if i feel this way. how does someone in sub-saharan africa feel, or someone in afhganistan? you are wrong to say you don't care, but if you argue about it, you are really just the same as the person who doesn't care if you do nothing about it. anyway, if you have an answer to this problem, get back to me right away. im very confused.

12 hr day tomorrow, maybe i can fill my nind with thoughts of consumerism, tanning, hollywood, and anorexia while working at le mall. "ze establishment, peau, i spit on you."

I think the world is just a struggle, or I know it is. everyone feels lonely, sad, depressed some of the time; especially me. right now, my sadness is a result of feeling alone without any family nearby. I am so used to being surrounded by lots of people that spoil me and give me attention. now, being an adult, it is not my job to be cute, but to find a way to make it on my own. it's hard now, but I'll figure it out. any anyways, we aren't alone. there are people everywhere, and seeing that everyone can feel that same sense of lonliness, it is up to us to depend on eachother. thats what I think anyway.

holly, and soyeon, hang in there.

ok. i was wrong. i guess the saying, "kill 'em with kindness" is right.

somebody i work with said some meany-poo things about to another co-worker, who happens to be a friend. this woman, should not have said these things, being that she is a true adult, family and all, but i shall not digress and nale the situation worse. i will ingnore it and just be nice. :) i really have been nothing but nice to these people, but you can't make people like you.

all i need is the people i got. i got some great people. they love me long time, and i don't even have to give them dollar.

oh fall, you are lovely. make the winter stay far and keep your colorful breeze close. ;)