Do you ever have those dreams where you're doing exactly what you were doing all day, so when you wake up you really feel like you haven't slept at all? Yah, last night I was dreaming that I was working on my finals.....in exactly the same fashion I had spent my entire afternoon. What a boring and exhausting dream.

Then I had another, very short dream, just before waking. Apparently I was the Hall Director of a medieval village in a forest. Yes, I managed the 'residence woods' of Nottingham or something. So, we have a fire drill. I'm running through the woods with my big honky key chain tapping on huts and yelling at people to get out of the forest. Get this, the trees actually had those little fire alarm strobe light contraptions fixed to them! It was like a rave in the forest. As I'm herding people out I come upon (e:Jason) standing by a huge caldron. I'm like, 'dude, get out of here, the forest is on fire' and he's like, 'no way, I'm serving deer chili'. Then I woke up. Ciao.

I did the Reindeer Run yesterday morning. Man was it cold! The wind was brutal, but things were pleasant once we were in the protective sanctuary of the hills and tombstones of Forrest Lawn.



Then I headed over to the 750. Went for lunch at Falafel Bar and had a tasty white bean and vegetable soup. I think they make really great soups there. I also had the nutty hummus, always delish. We were supposed to go visit my little Bambi but plans changed when the car got broken into. We spent the afternoon cleaning up the glass from the smashed window and taping up a plastic replacement. Then (e:Jason) helped refresh my memory on how to play guitar and strummed a lovely tune. Thanks for that. Some days aren't what you plan them to be, but they are lovely all the same.

Drunken people who light fires in the building and wake up me up at 5:20 Ante Meridian should be stripped to their boxers and tied to a flag pole in the softly falling snow. That's all I have to say about that.

The theme song for this post is Eminem: Cleanin' Out My Closet

There is something on my mind that keeps rearing its ugly head at me. I've tried and tried to work through it but I can't seem to make any sense of it, therefore I'm having trouble moving forward.

I've recently been faced with facts. These facts changed my mind about several people in my life, their sincerity, and how much I've been used for my kindness. It gave me the motivation I lacked to do what I had to do and to be ok with it.

Why be ok with it? I feel for people. Deep down, everyone I have ever known, no matter what wrongs they have done to me, still has a place in my heart. Probably a very, very minute place, but they are never forgotten. So I have a hard time moving people to that remote part of my heart. More often than not I simply get used along the way, and continue to forgive and forgive. Lately the events in my life, though certainly not pleasant, allowed me the opportunity to shift some people over and feel good in the end.

I feel no guilt, not that I should. It was hard but I feel all the better for it. It was a real step in my personal growth. The confidence to know I don't depend on others for my happiness. Friendship is a circle created by two people. When one is holding on only half-assed with one hand, the circle is broken. I've gained the confidence to know I can let go too. There's no sense reaching for someone that doesn't want your hand. Let them fall. Let me fall. It's ok.

I've learned that most of my friends dislike each other. As a result A doesn't want to be around me because of the B, while the B 'won't allow' the A to come around. I don't really care if A and B get along however I will say I think both A and B SUCK because the person being punished for it is C.

My struggle to move forward is, do I let A and B go as well? Since neither wants to spend time with C because of their dislike for each other, there isn't much of a friendship left is there? Can I let go of this too, and be ok? That is the question I have to be able to answer yes to.

I had grad student nightmare a few hours ago. I lost my entire reference sheet for a big paper I was working on!! Trying to go back and find all my sources was a very costly task. While my paper did make it in by the midnight deadline, I'm afraid the flow suffered and I know I screwed up some of my citations. Seriously, in a detailed 439 page manual on proper reference and citation I still couldn't find the answers to my questions! What up APA!?