Hi Guys, I am having a 'senor moment.' Whenever I am at death's door I turn to estrip- the land of the living. I am having my own pity party. After my heart attack in Oct. thought my bout with that kind of junk was over. In June got a job babysitting a little boy 9 weeks old. I desperately needed it because I had lost my little Braden. His ignorant mother decided to get pregnant again with a Puerto Rican soldier living in PR. She left in the middle of the night without even letting us say good-bye to him. Our house is a shrine to him. His high chair, his toys, his sippy cups. I have never wanted to burden you all with this but I cannot bury the venom any longer. Anyway, after 2 days with my new baby the Dr. said I had a cancerous lump in one of my f%$####. huge breasts. Had a lumpectomy and 3 nodes. Now cancer free but will have radiation for 5 & 1/2 wks. New mother thought it would be too much for me so got a new babysitter, temporarily So what is the point? You are young & hopeful busy people . Do not get distracted by activity. Know that you are influential . There are all kinds of people who need your attention. Store clerks, hospital cleaning ladies & poor old ladies feeling sorry for themselves. One who knows Matt's pictures will cheer her up & Ladycroft's antics will make her laugh. You rule!

My Friends, Let me count the ways! I have arrived home from my heart attack stay in the hospital. Can we all agree how much our own bed, our own remote & being able to poop & pee on ur schedule is more valuable than all the gold in the world? Trust me it is. Thanks for all ur comments to me; I love you all. Paul, Amy's mac & cheese is me forever! Yuk & more yuk. How can I go on with no salt. You guys always eat so well & have some neat recipes. I have been amazed at the self-discipline. Maybe I could hire Terry as my chef till I am svelte. lol All have fun at Halloween party I will worry all night like a mother hen. Please be well & safe.

I shouldn't be writing because I am so f

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ing tired. But, had to check on the Strip & now have found out where Holly has been. I see she is doing some performing. How exciting because it is exactly what she loves to do. I was wondering if she had attended the party on Sat. It sounds like it was a huge success. I hope that Paul did not have a hangover; he is too busy for that.

I had a large party this Saturday in Rixford, PA. Holly & Matt were supposed to be there but, I see now they were busy. Holly's sister came from Buffalo & her cousin from Hamburg. I have no reason why this little burg celebrates Otto-Eldred Days but they put on a spectacular fireworks display. It took everyone till 1am to get home because of 2 car pile-ups blocking one entire route. Can we hardly handle all this excitement?

This am I went to Flickr to see Dcoffee's photos. We have 2 cats & it looks like he has the happiest cat--so handsome. He takes some great photos of the city. I like Matt's colors in his photos,too & wait anxiously for new ones! Hi to Ladycroft & Southern Yankee.

"Drawn forward by debt, desire, or both, Americans are emerging as the first addicts of the technological age, driven still by some ancient instinct for self-preservation that in our time of affluence is misplaced...It is in this blind pursuit of material prosperity that Americans have begun to push the boundaries of human adaptation, as is evidenced by rising levels of greed, anxiety, and obesity. From American Mania: When More is not Enough by Peter C. Whybrow M.D. pub. by W.W. Norton & Co Inc.

This has reminded me of another great little book, Not Harry Potter. It's Mr. Grabbit The Rabbit by Virginia Hoff. Somehow I think it would be such a better read for our babes. It begins, "Once upon a time there was a greedy old rabbit, because he liked to have lots and lots of everything. He had lots of shoes, and lots of coats, and lots of toothbrushes." It ends with his carrying 4 umbrellas when a big gust of wind carries him high up on a church steeple where he has to be rescued. He then decides that he only needs one of everything & has a huge sale.He drank 1 bottle of milk when thirsty. He wore 1 coat, 1 hat, & 1 umbrella when he went out.

We don't have stuff; stuff has us. We all know from our moves to new homes & apartments and, I know, sitting in my room surrounded by papers, magazines, & cd's, dvds--clothes everywhere. Where or where to put them! C, my daughter, has always lived by the principle of Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without; yet, even she is buried in stuff. I was proud to see the boys, trying to repair their own leak. I get the impression that they are careful shoppers, even though I have read journals about all their computer equipment & the collection of wires and connectors. LOL Now, what is the point? I guess I am just reminding us that all of these possessions are adding to the stress in our lives; weighing us down & costing us financially. I'm tired just managing my space; maybe that is chronic fatique syndrome.

Ben Franklin said, "Hereby, too, I shall indulge the inclination so natural in old men, to be talking of themselves & their own past actions: & I shall indulge it without being tiresome to others, who, through respect to age, might conceive themselves obliged to give me a hearing, since this may be read or not as any one pleases."

That is why I will Journal. I am a novice computer user & it has captured me. I am the child who has found the candy store with money in my pocket & it closes in 10 minutes. I'm getting old & I have this new exciting world ahead. Will it be lost to senile dementia or a stroke? Why couldn't this all have been here when I was young? Am I wrong to feel robbed? I've made such great discoveries about myself, I've changed my politics, & horror of horrors I like to shop. I get my hair spray from drugstore.com, my cheaper prescriptions from cvs. com & my news from the New York Times. Poor Judith Miller, sitting in jail, protecting the likes of Kenneth Rove.

Dr. Phil has said in Life Strategies that in order for me to meet someone they would have to pull a chair up in front of my tv. And , I thought, yes, that is true. But, why don't I have friends. I am a fun-loving gal! I now know that in order to have a friend you have to be a friend & I am lazy. I now have friends who don't have me. I have mstephens. com on Flickr. He has two yellow labs, a beautiful boat on Spider Lake. I don't know where that is. I have Souther Yankee who was kind enough to say hey when I came to Elmwood Strip. She was atAllegheny Park with Holly, my daughter; but, I don't know her. For an agoraphob such as me these are friends & I love them. They are real to me. I have always known I was an observer & not a doer & I think I am no longer going to feel guilty about that; so there!