So much sorrow. This crap has been on my mind so much lately. After my last relationship ended and I was on the plane getting drunk on cognac, I decided that maybe I wasn't meant to have a girlfriend. Maybe there was something wrong with what I was doing. Perhaps the problem was me, not them. I realized that everything Gramma taught me about how to be a gentleman and treat a woman was turned on its head. It doesn't pay to be sweet. It doesn't pay to show unbridled affection. It doesn't pay to buy flowers and go to dinners and museums and take trips and all of that other nonsense. While I watched my friends more or less be indifferent toward their girlfriends, only caring about what the SHE can do for the HIM - and be rewarded for it by earning their love, devotion and respect - I was doing something that was completely outdated and destined to fail. I needed to go through some kind of personal transformation, to change my attitudes and expectations. To change my behavior. I said I wouldn't go on a single date until I felt I properly de-trained myself and it felt natural to me.

You guys know the feast or famine nature of the dating game, don't you? Sometimes you are alone and can't do anything to help yourself, and other times you can't lose and there are women all around you trying to contact you. I am going through the "feast" part of it right now, and yet the last two nights I have been haunted by nightmares about my ex. Perhaps it's a subconscious reminder to myself to not make the same mistakes I've made in the past. It still feels like crap when you wake up.

So finally after two years, one month, and lots of self analysis and reflection - I went on a lunch date yesterday. Yes that's right! I'm not afraid of some bozo lunatic loser threatening me, yet my heart was going a million bps before I walked into the restaurant. I decided to keep it real and be my normal aloof, goofy, corny, loose mouthed self. Either she would appreciate it or she wouldn't, and I didn't care either way. Oh I was smooth alright. Spilled soup on myself somehow, told plenty of jokes and did my best to try and gain her confidence. She ended up digging me and we're going to get together sometime soon. So far she's a very nice girl and she makes me crack up laughing. I haven't met too many women who were actually interested in entertaining the guy too. Normally I would have had to been the court jester. So it was really refreshing. I had a great time with her. Who knows what will happen, but I will continue to keep it real. I've achieved the inner indifference, and taken advice much like (e:drchlorine) has given. I'm ready and excited again about being in the game.

I know you guys don't care and all but it's so GOOD to get it off your chest! Save some of that Grey Goose for me (e:drchlorine) - I spent all my money on computer parts and now I can't get the good hooch.

Jason

I hate it so much when this happens. I had a bad dream with my ex in it. I won't repeat what she said to me, but don't you guys hate it when you had a perfectly good day and a nightmare makes you feel like crap in the morning? Blaaaah whatever.

Jason

People, I simply don't understand the female mind. A while ago I posted a long, sappy, but heartfelt letter to a woman who I miss a ton. Last week she called me twice and text messaged me. I call her back, and text message her back, but no response and no call back. What the hell? I thought you called someone because you wanted to talk to them? I guess I don't know why you make a cluster of phone calls and text messages just to not return their calls when they call you back. Girls stink!

Jason

Very clever of you. I laughed at that too, for very different reasons than you I'm sure. Do you want to know what kind of "truth" is in a cartoon like that? About as much truth as there was to the South Park episode where PETA were a bunch of animal fuckers who care more about animals than humans. I laughed at that too, because it was just as caricaturized and outrageous.

Jason

My man - please don't presume to know what I think about W's increase in government. For me, less government is almost always ideal. W has taken a beating from many people on the right for that. It has always been one of my complaints about the guy. Surely you will forgive me for being surprised by a left-leaning individual asking for smaller government, won't you? I wasn't trying to needle you or anything. I think you make perfect sense in saying that without some pain there will be no change. Regardless of your politics or my own, I think we both agree that change is absolutely necessary.

Jason

PS - Again, let's fire every government official in New York State, and start over. There are way too many places in the US where funding all of this crap is not a problem, and they don't pay the unfair, crippling taxes that we do. Our local and state government are the laughing stock of the US. For being so high up there on the IQ list, we know jack and shit about how to govern ourselves.