so today i accepted a job but felt kinda pressured into it. they were all like, you want the twenty hour lab tech position right, and i was all like, sure, i guess, and then they were like, so of course you want to teach a nine week class on dreamweaver fireworks and flash starting in april and i was like uhhhhh... but i felt like i couldn't say no and that it was part of the position. i guess i should be relieved because now i will have a way to pay the bills once school and my assistantship is over, but now i'm looking at planning a nine week class, finishing this semester (including two independent studies i haven't done squat for, a pain-in-the-ass class where the proff totally hates me, and oh yeah, an incomplete from last semester still...) all while working 20 hours at my current job. really i just want to say fuck it all and paint all day, or watch buffy, or just be generally fucking independent and not have to sell my soul to pay the bills. i guess that's juz life in this capitalist purgatory... anyone know any rich old men i can whore myself out to? oh wait, i guess that's work too. as my dad always said, if you marry for money you earn it!
along those lines, here is something my mom once told me and i told it to matthew today and he said it was really smart and i agree:
only boring people get bored.
but there's the rub, brothers and sisters. i'm perfectly capable of entertaining myself with all manner of projects and prospects, but instead i waste my life energy working for someone else. i know it doesn't help any of us to say this, and that were all basically in the same fix, and actually better off than most of the people on this god fersakin planet but... wah!
in order to nurture my inner moppet i went to hyatt's today and bought $50 worth of art supplies, including stuff to do a plaster cast of matthew's face in honor of his birthday. so to end on an up note, hyatt's rocks, the people there are awesome and it's way cheaper than michael's, those corporate shill hounds. and matthew rocks! we bought tree frogs today and it's his birthday so now i will put aside my petty foibles for now and say happy happy wacky matty!! let's party (not)!
Holly's Journal
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03/18/2004 21:45 #22872
I guess it's good news...03/17/2004 13:36 #22871
Old SchoolKotensky settlement figurine, 23,000-21,000 BC
Last night I dreamed I was this woman. I only vaguely remember it. I realized that the reason I have trouble remembering my dreams these days is that I snooze too long. You gotta wake right up cause if you doze off again then it gets all muddled or you forget it entirely. I used to be really into lucid dreaming and I could remember dreams as if they were happening right in front of me, but these days I don't recall so much, just sensations and fragments. maybe because its so freakin' cold all the time I never want to get out of bed, so I hit that snooze button like 4 or 5 times before i finally get up.
anyways, I do remember that in my dream I was this paleolithic woman. my skin was even kind of stone textured, and i had these massive pendulous boobs, the "overlarge breasts and belly" that the Hermitage museum uses to describe this icon. I felt like she looks like she feels: nurturing, sensual, modest, peaceful, loving. it was pretty cool.
the weird thing is that my mother looks almost exactly like this figurine. would she be a goddess if we still wanted our women to look like her?
Considering how accurate paleolithic artists were in portraying animals, is it possible that their women did look like her?
Chauvet Cave Images, 30,000 B.C.
Last night I dreamed I was this woman. I only vaguely remember it. I realized that the reason I have trouble remembering my dreams these days is that I snooze too long. You gotta wake right up cause if you doze off again then it gets all muddled or you forget it entirely. I used to be really into lucid dreaming and I could remember dreams as if they were happening right in front of me, but these days I don't recall so much, just sensations and fragments. maybe because its so freakin' cold all the time I never want to get out of bed, so I hit that snooze button like 4 or 5 times before i finally get up.
anyways, I do remember that in my dream I was this paleolithic woman. my skin was even kind of stone textured, and i had these massive pendulous boobs, the "overlarge breasts and belly" that the Hermitage museum uses to describe this icon. I felt like she looks like she feels: nurturing, sensual, modest, peaceful, loving. it was pretty cool.
the weird thing is that my mother looks almost exactly like this figurine. would she be a goddess if we still wanted our women to look like her?
Considering how accurate paleolithic artists were in portraying animals, is it possible that their women did look like her?
Chauvet Cave Images, 30,000 B.C.
03/16/2004 12:44 #22870
I love this friggin' country"Women Rivet Heaters and Passers on"
By an unknown photographer, Puget Sound Navy Yard, Washington, May 29, 1919
Okay so maybe it's a minority view amongst us these days, but I love this friggin' country. if you want to love this god fer sakin' country too, take a look at this awesome site (again from the national archives) called picturing the century:
.
it's got all kinds of pictures of immigrants, teenage soldiers, suffragettes, and civil rights marchers. oh, plus a too funny picuture of the six living first ladies. aw shit, here it is too:
"First Ladies Nancy Reagan, Ladybird Johnson, Hillary Rodham Clinton, Rosalyn Carter, Betty Ford, and Barbara Bush sit together at the National Garden Gala, 'A Tribute to America's First Ladies.'"
By Barbara Kinney, Washington, DC, May 11, 1994
doesn't it look like hillary clinton is making a pass at ladybird!?
so, with evil biddies like these and their patriotic patriarchs running the country, how, you may ask, can i still love it?
because the "rivet heaters and passers on" are my first ladies! look at how tough these broads are! could you be that tough?
yeah the rich and powerful have always tried to steal our freedom and our money from us and work us to death, but they don't know how strong we are. this nation is run by the wealthy, but its built by the poor; the ambitious immigrants, rebellious slaves, hungry share croppers, striking factory workers and yeah, even the teenage soldiers who don't know any better but weep when their buddies get killed. the hidden history of these people, who are really, to use a historian's $10 word, indomitable, is what makes me "proud to be an american". they seemed to understand that freedom must be fought for. even if the myth of liberty is a farce, people make it true by believing it and living it. just ask your grandparents...
(this post is really an addendum to "everything makes me cry". maybe it should be subtitled "my creeping conservatism"...)
By an unknown photographer, Puget Sound Navy Yard, Washington, May 29, 1919
Okay so maybe it's a minority view amongst us these days, but I love this friggin' country. if you want to love this god fer sakin' country too, take a look at this awesome site (again from the national archives) called picturing the century:
.it's got all kinds of pictures of immigrants, teenage soldiers, suffragettes, and civil rights marchers. oh, plus a too funny picuture of the six living first ladies. aw shit, here it is too:
"First Ladies Nancy Reagan, Ladybird Johnson, Hillary Rodham Clinton, Rosalyn Carter, Betty Ford, and Barbara Bush sit together at the National Garden Gala, 'A Tribute to America's First Ladies.'"
By Barbara Kinney, Washington, DC, May 11, 1994
doesn't it look like hillary clinton is making a pass at ladybird!?
so, with evil biddies like these and their patriotic patriarchs running the country, how, you may ask, can i still love it?
because the "rivet heaters and passers on" are my first ladies! look at how tough these broads are! could you be that tough?
yeah the rich and powerful have always tried to steal our freedom and our money from us and work us to death, but they don't know how strong we are. this nation is run by the wealthy, but its built by the poor; the ambitious immigrants, rebellious slaves, hungry share croppers, striking factory workers and yeah, even the teenage soldiers who don't know any better but weep when their buddies get killed. the hidden history of these people, who are really, to use a historian's $10 word, indomitable, is what makes me "proud to be an american". they seemed to understand that freedom must be fought for. even if the myth of liberty is a farce, people make it true by believing it and living it. just ask your grandparents...
(this post is really an addendum to "everything makes me cry". maybe it should be subtitled "my creeping conservatism"...)
03/15/2004 13:14 #22869
I'm a Giantess
here is the new painting I just finished this weekend. there are some funny spots from the digital camera and a level adjust, but it's still pretty much what it looks like.
this painting is like a dream for me. i can almost feel how cold the air would be on my skin as i look out over the tiny world with clouds in my hair. i think next i will paint myself as a planet floating in outerspace. i feel so little and insignificant in real life, so this painting is a way to "work it out" i guess. it's cool that you can make an image of something you can only see in your head. its way more exciting than trying to explain in words what a dream is like, how totally different we can imagine ourselves in the world.
oh, the teeny little brown splotch in the corral behind the barn is a horse the size of a flea. for scale. :)
03/14/2004 21:53 #22868
Green Gimme Gimmewell it's saint patricks day and we've been drunk since about 4 o'clock for me, maybe earlier for the others. but i love the new green green green colors of the site (and the awesome maps.) i mean we're all a little green on the inside aren't we?
the parade was pretty crazy. there were a gagillion people, including drunken high school kids. i wanna go downtown tomorrow and see the aftermath, broken glass and green glitter everywhere.
my new question i'm asking is why don't we bring out the pagan in the european myths, the hard core priestesses and shamans? "westerners" seem to have modeled themselves after roma and greece, instead of their own tribal pasts. in that honor, here is an image of celtic goddess of fertility shelia-na gig, she's way B.C.:
the parade was pretty crazy. there were a gagillion people, including drunken high school kids. i wanna go downtown tomorrow and see the aftermath, broken glass and green glitter everywhere.
my new question i'm asking is why don't we bring out the pagan in the european myths, the hard core priestesses and shamans? "westerners" seem to have modeled themselves after roma and greece, instead of their own tribal pasts. in that honor, here is an image of celtic goddess of fertility shelia-na gig, she's way B.C.:
Holly, I loved your "I'm a Giantess" picture. Here's a poem which was (sort of) inspired by it:
There once was a girl who was tall as the sky
She was pretty mind you, but Oh! Was she high!
She could hold fifty men in the palm of her hand
And great mountains shook as she walked through the land
There one was a boy, who was handsome and good,
Who would often gaze up at the girl as she stood
With her head in the clouds. He wondered: “Does she
Ever wished she had someone to talk to, like me!â€
One day the brave lad set himself a great task.
He set out to climb the fair maiden and ask
If she could find space in her life for a friend.
So he hopped on her toe and began to ascend.
As fortune would have it, the young giantess
Was wearing that day her favourite dress.
When she glanced down and saw him, a rude horrid youth,
Daring to climb up her skirt! How uncouth!
With a flick of her huge hand she brushed him away
Sent him tumbling down to her feet. In dismay
The young lad looked up at her, he trembled with fear
That the end of his life was incredibly near!
The young giantess for a moment felt sad
At the fear in his miniscule face. For she had
Very few she could talk to, and sometimes she sighed
For a handsome young giant to make her his bride.
So the giant young girl smiled down and said “Hey,
You impertinent flea! Don’t you dare run away!
You’re a handsome young lad, maybe we can be friends!
Though you showed disrespect, you can still make amends!â€
Very soon on her shoulder he sat and looked down
At the world far below, village, city and town
Looking no more than toys beside the girl’s feet
Which covered more land than a meadow of wheat.
“Fair maiden,†said he. “It must seem very queer
To be so gigantically tall. And I fear
You must get rather lonely. Do you ever ache
To be smaller?†She smiled and her head she did shake.
“It’s fun to be tall,†said the girl. “And you squimps
Like so many dolls, insignificant shrimps!
I could crush you so easily under my shoe!
I love being me! I’d so hate to be you!
“I love to be huge, so mighty and big!
As I stride through the land, I don’t give a fig
For you miserable mortals, you tiny peasants!
Get out of my way or I’ll squash you like ants!â€
“But it gets kinda lonely,†she added. “That’s why
I’m glad to have you for a friend. So lets try
To be good to each other. I’m sure we’ll have fun
Though you’re not a giant, you’re better than none!â€
The boy and the giantess from that day were friends
And later were married, so our story ends
With an unlikely wedding. And so its goodbye
From the groom and his bride who’s as tall as the sky!