My April resolutions:

1) Don't be a fool!

2) All strip, all day.

3) Smoke, but be happier. I figure my mongo stress is worse for me than smoking. So I will boldly puff away, while smiling.

4) Replan my entire life, including the past, which could use some revision.

5) Attempt to not burn bridges, merely drape traffic-stopping attention-diverting banners off of them.

6) Make E-strip banners

7) Rather than limiting what I eat, I'm going to limit what I shit out. Good-for-me foods will stay in my system and continue to provide nutrients while making my belly bulge in a frightening way. Twinkies will pass through my system whole and unchanged.

8) Watch more sports. Instead of exercising I will raise my heart rate by getting really into sports and leaping up and hollering at the TV. This (doesn't) work for millions of NFL, NBA, PGA, NAFTA, wait, USTA fans.

9) Land dream job.

10) Quit dream job.

and finally...

11)Think of pointless journal topics that get my name to the top of the list fast!

met'o-po-man"cy, n. [Gr. metophan, forehead, and manteia, divination.] foretuntelling based on a study of the human features.

lir'i-poop, n. [OFr. liripipion; LL. liripipium, perh. altered from cleriephippium, lit., caparison of a cleric.]
1. a liripipe.
2. a degree of learning worthy the wearer of a liripipe; acuteness; smartness; a smart trick.
3. a silly person.

a'lar, a. [alaris, from ala, wing.]
1. possessing wings or alae.
2. of or relating to a wing or ala.
3. shaped like or resembling wings.
4. in botany, located in the forks of a plant or a stem; axillary.
5. in anatomy, of or pertaining to the armpit; axillary.

bar'ghest, bar'guest (-gest), n., [perh. from ON. bjarg, berg, mountain, and gastr or AS. geist, stranger; akin to G. berg geist, mountain demon.] an imaginary goblin or spirit, generally in the shape of a dog, supposed to mean death or bad fortune to the person to whom it appears.

ca-nes'cent, a. [L. canescens (-entis), ppr. of canescere, to become white or hoary; canus, white or hoary.] growing white or hoary.

haec-ce'i-ty (hek-) , n. [LL. haecceitas, thisness, from L. haec, f. of hic, this.] literally, the quality of being this; thisness; the relation of individuality conceived as a positive attribute or essence.

fa-cin'o-rous, a. atrociously wicked.

pi'ment, n. wine flavored with a mixture of spice or honey.

tit'tup, n. [prob. echoic of hoof beats.] an action portraying gaiety or liveliness; the act of prancing or capering; a frisk; a caper.
tit'tup, v.i.; tittuped or tittupped (-tupt), pt., pp., tuttuping or tittupping, ppr. to behave in a frolicsome manner; to caper.

kerf, n. [ME. kerf, kyrf; AS. cyrf, a cutting, from coerfan, to cut.]
1. a cutting or cut; especially, a cut or notch made by an ax, a saw, or other instrument; the notch or slit made in wood by cutting.
2. a strip, piece, or quantity cut off.

wel'kin, n. [ME. welken, welkne, from AS. wolcnu, pl. of wolcen, a cloud.] the curved vault of the sky, or the upper air: now chiefly in to make the welkin ring, to make a very loud sound.
wel'kin, a. sky blue.

so today i accepted a job but felt kinda pressured into it. they were all like, you want the twenty hour lab tech position right, and i was all like, sure, i guess, and then they were like, so of course you want to teach a nine week class on dreamweaver fireworks and flash starting in april and i was like uhhhhh... but i felt like i couldn't say no and that it was part of the position. i guess i should be relieved because now i will have a way to pay the bills once school and my assistantship is over, but now i'm looking at planning a nine week class, finishing this semester (including two independent studies i haven't done squat for, a pain-in-the-ass class where the proff totally hates me, and oh yeah, an incomplete from last semester still...) all while working 20 hours at my current job. really i just want to say fuck it all and paint all day, or watch buffy, or just be generally fucking independent and not have to sell my soul to pay the bills. i guess that's juz life in this capitalist purgatory... anyone know any rich old men i can whore myself out to? oh wait, i guess that's work too. as my dad always said, if you marry for money you earn it!

along those lines, here is something my mom once told me and i told it to matthew today and he said it was really smart and i agree:

only boring people get bored.

but there's the rub, brothers and sisters. i'm perfectly capable of entertaining myself with all manner of projects and prospects, but instead i waste my life energy working for someone else. i know it doesn't help any of us to say this, and that were all basically in the same fix, and actually better off than most of the people on this god fersakin planet but... wah!

in order to nurture my inner moppet i went to hyatt's today and bought $50 worth of art supplies, including stuff to do a plaster cast of matthew's face in honor of his birthday. so to end on an up note, hyatt's rocks, the people there are awesome and it's way cheaper than michael's, those corporate shill hounds. and matthew rocks! we bought tree frogs today and it's his birthday so now i will put aside my petty foibles for now and say happy happy wacky matty!! let's party (not)!

Kotensky settlement figurine, 23,000-21,000 BC

Last night I dreamed I was this woman. I only vaguely remember it. I realized that the reason I have trouble remembering my dreams these days is that I snooze too long. You gotta wake right up cause if you doze off again then it gets all muddled or you forget it entirely. I used to be really into lucid dreaming and I could remember dreams as if they were happening right in front of me, but these days I don't recall so much, just sensations and fragments. maybe because its so freakin' cold all the time I never want to get out of bed, so I hit that snooze button like 4 or 5 times before i finally get up.

anyways, I do remember that in my dream I was this paleolithic woman. my skin was even kind of stone textured, and i had these massive pendulous boobs, the "overlarge breasts and belly" that the Hermitage museum uses to describe this icon. I felt like she looks like she feels: nurturing, sensual, modest, peaceful, loving. it was pretty cool.

the weird thing is that my mother looks almost exactly like this figurine. would she be a goddess if we still wanted our women to look like her?

Considering how accurate paleolithic artists were in portraying animals, is it possible that their women did look like her?

Chauvet Cave Images, 30,000 B.C.

"Women Rivet Heaters and Passers on"
By an unknown photographer, Puget Sound Navy Yard, Washington, May 29, 1919



Okay so maybe it's a minority view amongst us these days, but I love this friggin' country. if you want to love this god fer sakin' country too, take a look at this awesome site (again from the national archives) called picturing the century: .
it's got all kinds of pictures of immigrants, teenage soldiers, suffragettes, and civil rights marchers. oh, plus a too funny picuture of the six living first ladies. aw shit, here it is too:

"First Ladies Nancy Reagan, Ladybird Johnson, Hillary Rodham Clinton, Rosalyn Carter, Betty Ford, and Barbara Bush sit together at the National Garden Gala, 'A Tribute to America's First Ladies.'"
By Barbara Kinney, Washington, DC, May 11, 1994



doesn't it look like hillary clinton is making a pass at ladybird!?

so, with evil biddies like these and their patriotic patriarchs running the country, how, you may ask, can i still love it?

because the "rivet heaters and passers on" are my first ladies! look at how tough these broads are! could you be that tough?

yeah the rich and powerful have always tried to steal our freedom and our money from us and work us to death, but they don't know how strong we are. this nation is run by the wealthy, but its built by the poor; the ambitious immigrants, rebellious slaves, hungry share croppers, striking factory workers and yeah, even the teenage soldiers who don't know any better but weep when their buddies get killed. the hidden history of these people, who are really, to use a historian's $10 word, indomitable, is what makes me "proud to be an american". they seemed to understand that freedom must be fought for. even if the myth of liberty is a farce, people make it true by believing it and living it. just ask your grandparents...

(this post is really an addendum to "everything makes me cry". maybe it should be subtitled "my creeping conservatism"...)