Now i would like to consider myself a pretty peaceful, loving person. But it occured to me today that I have fought just as many people I have fucked. Now you might think thats kind of ironic. why yes it is and it's true. Now I don't mean fight like bickering and exchanging harsh words, no I mean actual physical contact of fist, feet, and teeth (in some cases, hey you gotta do what cha gotta do). And I don't mean Fucked like in a little licky licky and a slight touching pee pee; no I mean actual penetration. So i will list the names right here online for EVERYONE to see how much of a slut and a fighter I could be.

FOUGHT: Henry, Ruben, Maria (yes a girl i admit), jacob, shay, shalia (two more girls), rob, cynthia (3), raymond (might as well been a girl), ladonna, (4 1/2), soloman, john r., julian (5).

FUCKED: Henry, Ruben, Maria, Rob S. (butchy), Joe, Josh, Matthew J., Romena, Gary (we all remeber king kong pecker don't we), Steve, Derik, Duane (D), Elton.

Got all that? Now you see that is thirteen in each category. And another observation you might catch on too is the matching of some names. Yes they are the same people, which are: Henry (my first boyfriend), Maria (my girlfriend/girl virginty taker), and Ruben. Some people are soooo difficult. Now that you know a little more about my personal information and you might have a tainted vision of me from now on, but i tell you this I do not like to fight nor am I a Harlot. But you better be damned sure that I am good at both!


BOO YEAH!

They say some boundries shouldn't be crossed. That you should know where you stand aolways. But do we? Do we know how to satisfy our lovers and keep we and our friends happy? you fall for someone and for some reason, mothing else really matters. Love is all you need. But thats not it. To get you'r lover to love you, you must sacrafice. Oyu must let down all you'r guards to let someone you feel is worthy into your kingdom. I've let them in, and my palace suffered as a result. you see, you don't really know someone untill it's too late. By the time you realize, hey this may not be who I want to share my sacrade fruit with. They've already gotten too far in to push them back out. you try to do other things to take your mind off this monster who is continously damaging your kingdom.
Your friends are hurt also. They see you, this beautiful king, and they see his kingdom. They do their best to rebuild what has been torn down, But can only do so much when it's being ripped back apart. For this king is weak. He is weakend by every brick being torn out of the walls. He can't fight this alone. Every other monster who has come in has been defeated. Now the king grows weary. This time he has bitten off a little more than he can chew, and his stomachis not big enouch to take it all in. But with the aid of his friends (troops). This monster may have finally bowed out. And now the kingdome can be restored and be so better than ever.
What will happen next for our king? Well only time can tell that. But for now we can leave knowing that this king is wiser now. And for ever lover he lets in and a monster is unleashed, comes a new fight. The king maybe be ready for it or it will come when he least expects it. But he knows that his kingsom will not be broken down for ever.

i walk into a smoked filled bar. I hear your playing tonight. I take my seat in the back, light one up and await oyur sight. You come up and I take a deep breath and release the toxic in the air. You speak, I chill, you sing, i dream. The one thig is, oyu don't know I'm there. I light another as your next slection plays on. YOu serenace the crowd, as they sway. I wish it was me oyu were strumming on. I loose my balance as I try to walk closer, I drop my cigarette, take my new seat and light another. I wonderif it could be more than this, but you don't even know i exsist. You look my way, i freeze, you look away and I'm back at ease. Whats wrong with me, are you even worhty for my tall tales; as i sit here sedated with my yellow fingernails. Oyur strong arem clinches the guitar, and I can't read whats on your shirt because I am too far. My next move is a closer one, and I'm out of smokes. But now I'm close enough to read your foot notes. The man next to me hands me one and a light, as you announce that this will be your last song of the night. You look at me again; maybe it's a test, because your last song is the best. You exit the stage and i take my last drag. I sit still and dream of what could be or could have. I can't approach you, for i will surely fail. But i will be back, me and my yellow fingernails.

They say you should be yourself. They say it like it's soooo easy. But sometimes when you go around being yourself, you realize that people will still have a problem with you. My luck on, riches, beauty, ad love has seem to finally run out. Maybe i took advantage of what i had and now it's gone. Or maybe fate just has it's way of bringing a man down. There is only so much one person can take and still keep on worry free. But when everything you ever had hope in crashes down around you , when you think you are at your prime. It makes you do something we are all guilty of, we question ourselves. At first i (we) question what are we doing wrong to cause such trama around us. But my answer to this after ALL that I have been through, is NOTHING. I've done things i am not proud of but I feel that I (we) are still great. AND for all of you out there who depise us i say this to you. FUCK YOU! You are the reason good people don't get ahead. You slander us with you'r jelousy and hate, and us who are weak in confidence back down. But tonight I make a stand for us. You who hate, envy, loathe, contradict, turn ugly, will get whats coming. We are going to be around til the end of time, we will not stop being us just because you wish us not to. Get a life, go choke on sushi for all I care, Because I (now I mean "I") am not going anywhere! Now that I've said that I will stand by it. I will see you in the next life. Hope you find peace and love.



tk

case of the mondays? i don't think so. I had a case of the sudays for some reason. My weekend was not completly dissapointing, I had a Great friday night thanks to the kick ass party at matthew, pauls and terrys house. Alot of people digged my yellow pants. Alot more than i thought anyway. But saturday was a differnt story. Once again I was surrounded by jealousy, this time by a new person. I hate that shit; people really need to get lives, and stop bothering something they can't control. It really ruined my sunday because i did not do what i normally do then. But that part of my life I fear will no longer happen. Which may not be all that bad after all. thank all of you who, made my weekend as much as enjoyable as possible. Tina I love you baby thank you for all the support! But today my day has been going by just lovely. I got up early and took care of some stuff now I am relaxing. I love today! and I love you all! THANK YOU!


tk