no theatrics, no histrionics, no heroics, please.

after two days of fever-ridden weariness, I've decided I've no time for any more bullshit. i don't want anything disingenuous in my life, be it people or moments. if you share the real you, then i can be the real me. otherwise its a waste of time for everyone. i had a friend, m.f. (real initials, not referring to any cusswords) who wanted to be so nice she did whatever it took to be perceived that way. its not the same as truly being a nice person though. she acted like someone she wasnt and put up with so so much that she prolly didn't want to, and with so much i never would be able to. what is it really all for? and it all felt like a sham. its not for me. the whole deal = the real deal. i am not afraid of the fun, of the awkward, of the raw, of the best, of the less glamourous moments. i hope you are not either.

"
Lies the reason
Faith or treason
Playing a part
End concealing
Try revealing
Open your heart
Dare to feel
Take the chance
Make the deal
"


****
so i was so feverishly unwell i missed the going away gatherings of two long-time buffalonians. but i am looking forward to a reunion of sorts with people who i havent seen or spoken with in a long time. i want to dispel that myth that people come in and out of your life like busboys in a restaurant.

i'm attempting to declutter, which i havent tried since september. it gets better and easier each time, but still... anything to stop my fate from ending up like the collyer brothers. (http://209.157.64.200/focus/f-news/1008564/posts)

[gb sent me this when it was in the nytimes, but it's no longer available full-text. the place i found it is actually from a post on the free republic site (http://209.157.64.200/), home of the FReepers that Mike Niman wrote about in his artvoice column (http://www.mediastudy.com/articles/av3-13-03.html)]

oh dear... who knew there was such heavy thievery of avos occurring. it almost reads like an onion article, but its not. (http://www.nytimes.com/2004/01/26/national/26AVOC.html?hp)

(if you care about accolades), angels in america won five golden globes this eve. lotr and lost in translation won three each. oh what fun.

i am glad to be back in buffalo

in addition to the buffalo film seminars (see matthew's journal) at the market arcade, is the thursday classics series (http://www.dipsontheatres.com/eventDetail.asp?EventID=14), curated by m. faust, the proprietor of mondo video. more great movies, only $2. next week is the hong kong movie 'the killer' (directed by john woo). you can see for yourself the elegance of shooting with a gun in each hand.

thursday night classics
7 pm at the market arcade

january 22: A Clockwork Orange
January 29: Buffalo 66
February 5: The Killer
February 12: Stroszek
February 19: Harvey
February 26: Repo Man
March 4: Dreams
March 11: Bullitt
March 18: Naked Lunch
March 25: To Live and Die in L.A.
April 1: The Mad Adventures of "Rabbi" Jacobs
April 8: Groundhog Day
April 15: double feature: Gun Girls and The Violent Years
April 22: Once Upon a Time in the West
April 29: Mondo Madness