more than 50 gay couples are married in san francisco (http://nytimes.com/2004/02/13/national/13CALI.html)

[since im not saavy enough to get a sound file up, you ll just have to imagine you can hear this one. rock out to it if you can]

"take a look around i bet you don't know who you are surrounded in closed in spaces while you wait it's the kind of thing when you think that you've already made it it's a set up a kind of unsettled feeling you wanna let it get to you well i think that i believe it i don't know if i'd deceive it baby i would go anywhere i can't fake it i won't make it if you tell me take me with you baby i would go anywhere with you when you go out late walking everywhere you've never before felt the strength of a hundred thousand million people it's the kind of thing when you need just to have someone tell you you're worth it all girl you've got a lot of style just one just close the door tonight it sounds like if the time was right we could stay here all our lives just close the door tonight it's the kind of thing when you think it could be really nice and you realize things have changed since you've been gone since you've been gone"

let the world collapse and fall

i can't sit still long enough to concentrate on anything yet lately i am not in town long enough to do anything meaningful. every time i'm ready to get settled, it's time to pick up and leave again.

let it sink and let it shudder

today i am going to pick up my camera and use it.

all the words that i will utter

i am inspired by the fact that it doesn't get darker til later in the day and that it hasn't seemed as cold cold lately.

in hopes your love will soon discover

people seem to be coming out of hibernation and things are slowly picking up. slowly but surely.

L u v ' N ' S e x s h o w
Squeaky Wheel
175 elmwood avenue (b/w north and allen)

SPECIAL FEBRUARY OPEN SCREENING
WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 11, 2004 @ 8PM

The Luv 'n' Sex show is legendary and synonymous with fun films and videos, door prizes, private viewing booths, Cowpoke raffle, sexy window installations, wine, chocolate and more! Work must be submitted by Feb. 9.

[Bring works less than 15 minutes. Call ahead to screen a longer work. We created some new mini-themes (you don’t have to make work on the theme, but if it inspires you, go ahead) to get more people in the door! Formats accepted: Super 8, 16mm, video (mini-dv, svhs, vhs), cassettes, cds, Mac compatible cd-rom.]

no theatrics, no histrionics, no heroics, please.

after two days of fever-ridden weariness, I've decided I've no time for any more bullshit. i don't want anything disingenuous in my life, be it people or moments. if you share the real you, then i can be the real me. otherwise its a waste of time for everyone. i had a friend, m.f. (real initials, not referring to any cusswords) who wanted to be so nice she did whatever it took to be perceived that way. its not the same as truly being a nice person though. she acted like someone she wasnt and put up with so so much that she prolly didn't want to, and with so much i never would be able to. what is it really all for? and it all felt like a sham. its not for me. the whole deal = the real deal. i am not afraid of the fun, of the awkward, of the raw, of the best, of the less glamourous moments. i hope you are not either.

"
Lies the reason
Faith or treason
Playing a part
End concealing
Try revealing
Open your heart
Dare to feel
Take the chance
Make the deal
"


****
so i was so feverishly unwell i missed the going away gatherings of two long-time buffalonians. but i am looking forward to a reunion of sorts with people who i havent seen or spoken with in a long time. i want to dispel that myth that people come in and out of your life like busboys in a restaurant.