Pretty girls (socially acceptable pretty girls) are very insecure people. Plain girls (The rest of the known population which comes to about 90%) are not, because we do not rely on our looks to attract other human beings to us in our lives. This was an unusual discovery for me, because when you have all the pretty girls coming to you asking you for advise and suggestions, because of your personality and tendency not to judge them on their looks. You have to say to yourself - self, what does this mean?
Being the kind of person I am, I begin by asking myself if I was insecure and about what? After getting the answers, I started thinking about BEAUTY... what a concept. If it is truly in the eye of the beholder (which it really is) then why is there only one standard of beauty for all women. Some of us through genetics are automatically shoved out of the running on logistics: Height, weight, size, hair color, eye color, breast size, shoe size, bone structure... (I just had a very sick thought: if women were socially conditioned like men to think there genital size mattered - we'd be screwed there too! Because like men we come in all different shapes and sizes) Just like our genitals our bodies are all different. We all bleed red. We all feel the hurt of not fitting in, or being accepted by our peers, or do not like being judged by the body covering the spirit that dwells inside.
The socially acceptable beautiful women are not always very happy. Generalization though it maybe I had many come up to me to talk to me about their problems... when we got right down to it, they did not love themselves. This is an awfully high price to be socially acceptably beautiful. I rather like being plain, gives me more time to focus on being real... instead of creating an illusion to live up to which you know will fade with time and age!

• Sigh* I have become addicted to this television show called MONK the neurotic, defective detective... anywho, I have been trying to tape the damn thing and usually it is on twice in a row an hour apart from the Premiere episode and thanks to the Olympics it is not on this friday night... I then get stuck on this crazy schedule for tomorrow because I am going out of town and have a shit load of things to get done... I just love my family.

• SIGH* Now that I am done ranting and raving... I couple of friends have introduced me to this absolutely fabulous website! I have enjoyed reading many of the entries and have had a good many laughs and it seemed an evil secret not to join in on the fun.

What is on my mind? Way to much to type, being that I speak faster, way faster than I type! So I will take it from the top and see when my fingers are tired or the stress of my trip sets in... VACATION....hmmmm, an oasis, a dreamy state of mind, begging me to come... this little voice has been whispering deep inside my mind that I must consider going camping. For a city girl I have learned to enjoy getting away from the concrete jungle and appreciating nature at it's finest without phones, computers, cells, doorbells (actually I don't have a doorbell, more later on that subject) - Just getting away from the stress of my daily life, family, work, projects, people, friends... all the things I will enjoy and love returning to after I have reacquainted myself with myself.

Hello, I am a workaholic! Is there a support group for people like me? My mind never shuts off, it is amazing that I ever sleep (well, that is up for grabs, for those that do know me... know that I am a Night Owl and an Early Morning person, you know that silence before the deafening din of all the work-a-day world wakes and after the party people have settled in for a nice piece of something on the side.

Thank you for just being there, shit, I feel like Dougie Houser checking in with my sanity! Maybe this will get me back in the journaling groove! Thanks guys! Keep it Simple! One thing at a time!

Oh and my all time favorite: "The definition of insanity is repeating the same behavior over and over again, expecting different results!"